LOVE- MY FIRST LOVE LOST AND FOUND

HEY FELLO HUBBERS, PLEASS ACCEPT THIS POEM...
IT IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT..
I AM THANKFUL TO THE TWO WHO FORM THE POEM... AND MY LIFE..


MY FIRST LOVE-LOST AND FOUND

I lost you,
but i found another.
she is better than YOU ,
And we like each other.
I'm not lonely anynore,
Because she's always wid me.
Like a friend, like you.
But she's not you.
And i want you.
I feel so lonely,
I'm waiting for you.
But it is not likely
that i will ever see you.
And now it does not matter.
because i still have you,
In my dreams, my memories,
in my stories so true.
I see you everyday
with my eyes closed, dead, cold and blue.
i see you in her,
Can u see me through her?
Is that you or Is it her?



DEDICATED TO HARRY POTTER, AND THE OTHER ONE..

(RONNY)

beautiful, pls do continue writing poems :)

Dear Ronny,

First attemt means faltering.

There is a contradiction.
You say " she is better than u"
Again you profess that I see you in her.
Well ...it does not gel.
Your thoughts convey confusion..
Again the lines are very short and abrupt for expressing Love.
Avoid writing short form of words like u, coz, wid, hav etc.
They spoil beauty of a language.

Why don't you try and reform the whole idea into something more beautiful?

Please don't feel bad.
I am giving my honest opinion.

Nichiroojii

Quote:

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Originally Posted by dr_ronny

DEDICATED TO HARRY POTTER, AND THE OTHER ONE..
(RONNY)

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Be sure to mention that it's isn't JKRowling's Harry Potter but Ronny's...


Hidden Meanings Hehe ...

Of course. .. do carry on writing .. .All poets and writers blossom through the encouraging environs of our hub ..

Well, thanks a lot CRAZY, NICHIRO, CHEVY and all others for having read my poem and posting your valuable feedback, comments and suggestions. I believe, that with your help, I can write better poems in future.
NICHIROOJI, i wrote this poem on a piece of paper and then saved it in the outbox of my mobile. That is the reason why the words appear in their short form. I will avoid them in future. And the lines are meant to be confusing. Thank you for your honest opinion.

CHEVY, you were right . My dedication was not to J K Rowling's Harry Potter, but to a good old friend of mine, also known as Harry Potter.

Good beginning!

Congrats for your first poem and all the best for your future endeavors!!

thanks thamizatchi