Marriage at an early age for girls in rural areas

We all have discussed the various ways woman have been mistreated and not given freedom. But i also have had this thought for many years after my grandmother discussed with me about her friends' marriage at that time. Dunt all of you think that marriage at such an early age(usually after puberty ceremony) destroys the woman dreams of what she might want to do in her life? Should early marriage be opressed by the police in each village/district going strict over early marriages and the legal age increased to 21?
Please do give your views on this as this is a often overlooked topic.

Hmn .... interesting huh !
well those days ... avangala enga yosikka vittaanga ! appove theriyum polirukku, ivangala yosikka vitta nambalaye over take panniduvaanga nnu .... :lol: adhaan veetula pooti vechirundhaanga ! seekiram kalyanam pannitaanga ! so that they are confined to home ....

is early marriage biologically wrong ?

Not sure but i believe at such a young age women are highly prone to getting pregnant and thus the great risk of having quite alot of children. Perhaps if the government looked at this our population problem would be partly solved. (Partly solved because another part is about family planning)

Family Planning in India ... it is a distant dream ... but we can achieve it ... provided we understand what it really means .... here we are very much confined towards generations ...thats the reason !

This seems to be a stuck thread because of the dilemmas that can be seen when one start to discuss.

Teenage girls from the villages are the most precious jewellry you can find. However, bias this might sound, I haven't seen any challenged that prove otherwise. City gilrs always think they are greater/superior, just because hey are more exposed. I remember how inferior I use to feel when the city gilrs come to visit fmaily in the villages, but later appreciated the values of a village girl. No matter what greatness she rises to, you can find humility and all the good qualities in her even when the waters are a bit rough.

Most men looking for good wives want to marry these kind of females from the villages. Such men are usually uneducated themselves and just as innocent. The educated ones, would prefer their wives from the villages to have some sort of formal education.

A teenage girl from a village environment would always have difficulties moving away from the expectations of those in her village environment. Some kind of suprort is definitely necessary to encourage and help her in moving away from traditional expectations and the way she was conditioned to think - start a family at an early age. And the community/people around her need to know that such education would not necessarily make her lose her values. This brings me to the point of village values and customs verses values and customs of the city girl likely to be educated. Is something really given up to get something and how much is it worth it?

I wanted to reply to this since last night, but was too tired an a bit down and still tired tonight. So if I don't make sense, excuse me. I will continue next time.

Since villagers generally focus on farming and other menial jobs and they usually do not focus on educating their children through books, young girls and to a certain extent boys are uneducated in villages. There is no interference with the values and customs except that they fear education might spoil their child to become modern or even ditch their families...as for girls because of the way they are valued in villages..they are to a certain extent barred from education.

To prove the villagers that education does not spoil them, an educated girl has to prove that she can also be simple and still the same even if she goes foreign for education...i believe the perception of city girls behaviour puts them off the topic of educating their girls.

kudos goodsense ... u do make sense ... u ve brought out a fact which keeps lingering in many ppl s minds !

I assume u had been to some villages, probably ur grand parent's place !

I would like to re-iterate this by pointing out some probs which even village girls face ! Nowadays, villages too are getting affected coz of media ! they watch all funny things shown in different channels ... earlier this was the only stuff which kept them a little away from absurd things ! but now everything is at their doorstep !

The only good thing now(which may change in the future) is that the girls in villages are mature enough to think which might suit them ... what other girls in the city think is "Let me try it on me, i may look good this way .... " (am just generalizing the feel) Experimenting is what they are into - the city type !

But village girls knew they are in a very closely monitored environment, whatever happens, whatever mistake they do...will easily be visible throughout the village ... faster than CNN or BBC ! believe me ! so they are careful in doin things ...they just dont experiment .. coz they are in a closed watched circuit !

BG..neenga solluruthu paartha CIA style security Villages leh nadukuthu mathiri irukku..:D....like goodsense madam pointed out...its the villages fear that binds this girls to obscurity....perhaps if the villagers were more broad minded the girls can be given a chance to prove themselves.

:lol:

Hulk rename the topic yaar ... countryside shld be visible to shower in proper points ;-) idam pathalanna andha residing word yeduthuttu update pannunga !

Topic ellam edit penna mudiyaathu pa...post mettum thaan.

hey dude ... why not ... just go n edit the first post ... n change its subject ... that first post subject is the topic yaar ! u can change it !

Hulkster: Call it 'Marriage at an early age for girls in rural areas' !:)

But, it is not really true these days in all areas. Girls in villages go to college and get married after they finish. The parents even send them away to stay in hostels and study.
I am sure there are still some areas which have not progressed well.

Yeah slowly the villages are coming out of their shell...but theres still a disturbing trend in certain areas of marrying them off young and i have had some maids who told me they were married at 16, so i believe it is still quite widespread there......shall we enforce a law upon all villages that stress that marriages can only be done at 21 and maybe also stress that education till 12th standard is needed for every indian citizen...or like goodsense pointed out that we need to educate the villages that education does not spoil the values and morals of the village girls?

Bulls eye Hulk .. Thanks for the suggested topic raj

well true raj .. nowadays things are changing .. but the very mentality of the rural girls will take its own course of time to change ... though they are in a city, they will behave the same way as how they were behaving in their home ! they dont go for partying, roam on streets just like that ... n many other things ...

Hulk ... education on marriages have been done by many educational institutions along with the help of service minded doctors in many remote villages ... sometimes it so happens that they done take it ... some ppl give importance...

i guess K.Bhagyaraj has talked about this in some movie ... old one i guess ... a doctor lady comes to the rural area n she is more misunderstood by the ppl there !

K Bhagyaraj movies usually reflected on marriages and life affairs in villages interlaced with a brilliant and funny screenplay.....but im actually looking at early marriage as a hindrance as some of my maids told me they wanted to study english literature but were not able to due to their parents wanting them to marry as soon as they reached puberty.

This is where i want more viewpoints...maybe a bit more analysis from the hubbers who might have experienced early marriages or have such friends so that i can see how much of a hindrance it is.

It is possible that studying can go beyond marriage but due to them bearing children at a young age and their dreams oppressed(if the husbands insist on being the sole breadwinners) their lives become too limited. A severe lack of planning their life as married couples also make it hard for these village women.

unga kitta vandhu en idha sonnanga :roll: sorry hulk just kidding ! dont mind it ok ....

city la ppl there are many ppl whom i know continue their studies even after marriage ... even my own classmates i know .... but that i would nt call as early marr .. cos they were married only when they were doing PG ....

after puberty marriage ... is basically coz of fear that the girl might not accept ! coz some places maama ponnu athai paiyan kalyaanam pannanumnnu decide panni .. before she could even think ... kalyanam panni vechuduvaanga !

:lol:...athu ellam unnum ellei pa...naan indian life pathi visarikkum bothu avanga sonaanga...oru velai yennai paarka counsellor mathiri irunthicho?..

Yeah that too...i wonder why these fellas cant wait till atleast till she has some good formal education before marrying off....this is where we need to think of educating them...maaman paiyana athai paiyananu...unnum konjam nerathilae pakkathu veetu pangajam paiyanum pathi yosanai pennuvaanga...:banghead:

idhukku naan reply panninene enga kaanaama pochu ? :roll:

Paravalae onnuru murai reply pennunga pa

adhu dhaane nyaabagam illa ;-) :roll:

Kilichinchi krishna giri

hehhehe

BG wrote: "I assume u had been to some villages, probably ur grand parent's place ! "

http://ormila.canadianwebs.com/Ormila-Bhoopaul2.htm

I think you missed by signature page which shows that this very woman is a village girl. To what extent? Well to start with my navel string was burried in this village :lol: and I lived there for 10 consecutive years. During one summer holiday, I was sent by my mother to meet my aunt who was working in the city. After the one month holiday, my aunt asked me if I want to stay and tranfer school and I said yes. We were living with another aunt and two uncles (their brothers). No doubt after that one month I realized it was a better life in the city where I was going to live and study for two years.

My younger uncle, I could never forget as long as I live. He spent all his freetime with me behind the books to ensure I would make it at entrance exam to secondary school. He would spend his money on work books and give me separate assignments in addition to that I had from school. Even before this time when he was in the vilage with us, when my place in class moved from first to third, he would say why not first or second.

After making it to highschool, unfortunately, they were all moving abroad. sadly, I was sent back to the village, did not evenr each puberty yet. It was horrible, but not for long. I followed some of them to Canada. So this is how I escaped the full village life.

Looking back at it all, especially my visit there a few months ago. I pity the children and the women. The women are so aged and burdended with many children and you can stil see a certain degree of innocence of those women limited to harsh living...Very few seems well off, but none went pass high school and those who did went to highschool, were few.

I think it depends on the family. Although most parents and gransparents came from farming background, a few were able to afford education for their children and they believed in it. My aunts were good example, one made it with seven distinction first time at CGE and had scholarship to the university of Guyna and the other went into teaching after highschool and then to England where she did nursing and this was late 60s early 70s. They had no elder brother or relatives either for any kind of protection and they have also been quite successful in later life with even higher education than mentioned - they continued abroad. So I was always in a studious environment with my ants and uncles, but i think if I had no time out of that village in those tow years, I would have been like most people there in that village - especially be female and the eldest of many boys.

It hard to break away from such a society. One lady had even come to see my mother about taking me out of school, saying girls should not go to school, but my mother ignored her, but I still had all kinds of pressures at home.

And BG, you are damn right, village girls are closely watched. The minute you miss, there is a message at home for your parents watiting for when you arrive :(

The pressures in the home is one thing, other kinds of abuse of village girls is another and there is no escape root for them. Worse yet, if they are not virgin on their wedding night, they will be beaten and sent bck to their parents :oops: to live in shame forthe rest of their lives. Many of these kinds became maids and domestic servants in homes of people to earn a little living for themselves while subjected to other kinds of abuse :evil: . If they stay with the husband, they will be beaten for years and if they leave, their parents would sent them back to the abusive husbands. They are sent back because the parents can't bear the shame and such women have no chance of re-marrying. She becomes a social outcast. :evil: :evil: Having had the chance to see both sides of the coin, my heart goes out to those women and I hope to help them in some way. :wink:

And BG, you are so right about the village girl when she is out of the viilage.

The village can also be a place of peace and nice rest where you can think. When I was there a few months back, I found it so quiet. Its amazing. If it was safe country and you have a nice home there, why not go for a few months and get away from here. I felt mellowed out walking through it which I never experienced before, perhaps it's different when you go for a short time as oppose to living there.

:clap: Goodsense ...

i seriously didnt know ur bground !

Abuse on gurlz is not acceptable..... i appreciate ur concern for these ppl ! as ppl in city wat could be our part in fighting this crime !

Seriously, I think those girls need some help. They can't fight a family and their village community on their own and they shouldn't have to fight. These girls are seriously trapped.

And those illiterate husbands don't even bother to consider how that girl have lost her virginity - like considering whether it was her fault or not. I know one girl had her nose slit by her husband. In the end they left but she couldn't get another guy. She ended up with Tom to Dick to Harry..... And there is no police to complain to......

I have seen decent men trying to even cover for their wives fault in such instances when she is wrong, but not all women are lucky, the ones who deserve the support most of all.

Wow goodsense....it reflects upon ages of scrutiny and tolerance of women to abuse by society and their husbands...it is of this that i hope to make a point to indians after my maids related the same experiences....hopefully people understand the consequences and troubles this women go through when they get married early and also of the way they are treated in the society...First of all we need to educate the society not through speeches but through examples...we need to also show them the pain that happens to girls due to this..then maybe such villages wunt be so hard on girls

Do you people have any suggestions on how we can do this?...enlightment is needed fast for such socieities on the atrocities forced upon women.

In Pakistan women are treated like vermin...and that itself is a polite description of how they are treated...in fact you can safely say that they are not allowed to do alot of things...education restricted..clothes restriction...relationship restriction...they get married early..and are watched very closely before and after marriage.

I believe if a girl has a relationship with a boy, she is stoned to death or even beheaded in afghanistan and if the girl is raped..violated(even if it is not her fault)..she has to be killed to protect the family's honour..this is abit outside the topic but since goodsense madam put those views..i might as well tell you guys of this as well.

It is very sad to hear women still cant express themselves freely in third world countries.

Hulkster wrote:

"Do you people have any suggestions on how we can do this?...enlightment is needed fast for such socieities on the atrocities forced upon women."

I didn't want to reveal this as yet, but since you ask, I will. I am a member of the women's committee at the Vishnu Mandir here in Richmondhill, Ontario. We are having a meeting in a few days. The women are all Indian and from different countries. I have in mind to raise this issue alongside that about the children. Dr. B. Doobay, the head of the temple will be present, the only male I am told. It would be nice to have some men like you at the meeting Hulkster. And I am a bit perterb that we are not getting much response on this topic and discussion so far. What does this mean? :evil:

Even I dont like the idea of early marriage for girls (or boys altho tats now not so in their case).....sum frind once told me tat its best to marry a girl who's still in her late teens, like 18-19...!
But I simply dont like the idea......not only bcos of the suppressive nature it has but IMO tats is still considered as the age for studies/carefree attitude, so girls wudnt be mentally/emotionally mature as yet to take on the transformation of a wife/DIL & thereafter mother! They wud be by & large unprepared for this new role.....& they hav the chance to prepare for it only b4 they enter wedlock as they cant go back to their mothers' care after tat....so I feel the min. age shud be 22-23...altho I wud think it more ideal to marry sumone a little older than tat....like, 24-25....:)
My mother was 24 (& my father 25) wen they got married......her father wanted to hav her married off much b4 like, wen she was 20+....but she vehemtently fought against it, bcos she was still doing her MBBS then, plus she was against the idea of early marriage for girls....

We talk well ! but ultimately it boils down to what we actually do !

Lamby unga amma vittu society leh speech kodukka sollu pa...approm thaan konjam buthiyaavethu varettum...ellarum sernthu pesuvom.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by goodsense

Hulkster wrote:

"Do you people have any suggestions on how we can do this?...enlightment is needed fast for such socieities on the atrocities forced upon women."

I didn't want to reveal this as yet, but since you ask, I will. I am a member of the women's committee at the Vishnu Mandir here in Richmondhill, Ontario. We are having a meeting in a few days. The women are all Indian and from different countries. I have in mind to raise this issue alongside that about the children. Dr. B. Doobay, the head of the temple will be present, the only male I am told. It would be nice to have some men like you at the meeting Hulkster. And I am a bit perterb that we are not getting much response on this topic and discussion so far. What does this mean? :evil:

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Well i cant fly to Canada suddenly..but i am thinking of joining UNICEF when i grow up and fight against this atrocities...possibly i will also try to work along with organisations like that of yours.

:clap: guys for ur efforts !

Just before I go to bed, thought I share this since it came to mind thinkng about this topic and what we have been discussing here.
When I left the village for the first time at age ten, we had to take the boat to cross the Essequibo river. I remember saying to the lady taking me to the city (who was in the boat with me), "how come land, water land again"?.

I wouldn't be surprised, for many women leaving the village for the first time in their 30s, 40s or even 50s for the city, might ask the same question. Many of them never went to the city all their lives. It's sounds funny, but it's sad too :(

"....possibly i will also try to work along with organisations like that of yours."

Good going Hulkster. There is need for more like you. And I think the right teachings has to start at home. People should train their sons before marriage how to treat (in the circumstances)and respect women, not only what to expect :wink: Moreover, how to treat a sister equally and fairly. I am saying this because when it comes to education, the sons are given priority and sometimes even at the expense of their sisters.

A man who makes a good brother and a sons is likely to be a good husband and vice versa. May be I am digressing a bit here, but I think it's related.

goodsense ... i didnt get u ! :roll: sorry !

I said so much in my last two posts. Which part is unclear? Or is the sign that I should get to bed. It's after 2.am here, didn't realize it and I have an important appointment today which I must prepare for.

There is one guy in my class ....his mom got married when she was 13 and he was around the same year ...maybe when his mom was 14 ....


when he was 16 his mom just entered her 30's