""LOVE MARRIAGE VS ARRANGE MARRIAGE:""

[phantom363]

i was only my own interpretation of the origins and definition of an 'arranged marriage' within the confines of the indian society, no matter where it is domiciled. real life is much more complex and there is seldom anything in black or white.

life is a matter of dealing with the shades of grey that one is confronted, something that all of us do everyday.

i agree, clinical dissection of everyday living is not good.

[kiran naidu]

Buddies I loved a girl and as usual something came in the way. In my case it is caste and region.
the girl is a Naicker and I am naidu. From this forum I came to know that Naickers are naidus who migrated to tamil nadu long back.
I told the same to my parents and they thought I am bluffing.
Can you give me any literature I can find about this or anything like that.
your replies really help and I really dont want this to start any caste critisisms or anything like that.
kiran naidu

[balu28]

Well, when you are not that desirable physically, emotionally and mentally, then i guess the arranged, programmed marriage works.

Alot of short, darker skinned indian men face the problem of not finding a suitable girl on their own, due to the fact that women prefer taller, fair skinned better looking males. South indians may not find those who have the fair skin, hence they settle for darker men. But height is still important to the indian females. Physical appearance is a huge problem in america since many people have the eurocentric features which tend to me the most desirable in the world. So the short brown indian man has an even tougher time finding a soul mate in america.

This is not the fault of shorter indian men. They can only try their best to be a decent, loving human being. Maybe it is the women who need to reassess their priorities in what they want from a male.

[scorpio]

Hi Balu28,

If you think short and dark Indian men find problems in getting a aprtner, I guess we have an equal number of such females too. Not all Indian women folks look like Aishwarya Rai.

You seem to be very depressed mate. Lately, in the marriage market, is it?

Can you list out what attributes does an Indian man look for while selecting his bride? If you do that, you will not find that very different from what an Indian bride wants!

[lordstanher]

Hi,
I've been debating a lot myself, abt this controversy between love & arranged marriages.....and now having 2nd thots abt the latter...
now I come from a traditional family and always believed my parents' eternal suggestion of having an arranged marriage as they did, being very fond of our culture and traditions.....also thot its more exciting in a way to hav such a 'unique' system of 'marry & love' in our land, as opposed to the common 'love & marry' of the West!.....I'm currently living in Singapore, but returning shortly to India as I plan to settle there itself and marry an Indian (traditional) gal only.....and thot I'd always find one via arranged marriage.......
but lately, after having heard and seen the various ways our society is deteriorating in terms of culture and values, esp. the way the girls/women in our country are turning out to be today, I've been dreading the thot of marrying sumone I never/hardly knew b4 marriage!
my mind's filled w/ various doubts and fears- nvr mind if she may not be a virgin....wat if the gal I get to marry isn't really the way I expected?? Afterall, neone can pretend to be......wat if I don't know her character?? Even if I trust her, can't trust be betrayed?? And....will there be love in her heart at all??
I've also been advised against arranged marriage by a few friends who say tat this system made sense during our mothers' gen. and today's gals mostly don't want to be the same as their mothers' gen. so y trust them to follow this system...?? They say its always better to marry a gal who really loves u n actually shows tat she cares for u, rather than marry sumone of an unknown character/bkground cos u can't know her just bcos u know wat her parents r like....
neways, I'm in a dilemma after hearing all this so I've really got apprehensive abt going for an arranged marriage! Is there ne way at all to know if I make the rite choice in this system?? I'd appreciate ne help from u guys....

[mandangi]

I am not personally against arranged marriages. I want to say that love marriages are better than arranged marriages. But in India there are many people who oppose love marriages.

[mandangi]

as i have said before i think we should start to change this 'love marriage' label...say independent marriage...or self-arranged....because there are alot of ppl who are arranged who are in love and vice versa....why is that arranged marriage does not include love in it?

There are many cases of failures in arranged marriages. In south India there is tradition of doing marriages between close relatives. By name of relations also they do marriages to their children against their wish. If understanding between man and women is good there is nothing problem with arranged marriage also.

[Querida]

sorry that was actually a rhetorical question...as in i did not expect reasons for no love in such marriages but a acceptance that of course there has to be love in all marriages for them to work...

as for balu...well seems like you really feel for the unfortunate men...yet you seem close-minded about the women...for every short man there is a short women...actually there's tons of short gals...and for dark skinned...well there are alot of us(all shades of brown) who love nothing better than a taller (than us altleast) dark handsome (i mean in personality and heart)...and the few who do like white men well good for them....we could say the same for indian men as well...

[mandangi]

Love marriages should be encouraged. It does not mean hating arranged marriages. There is no rule that all people must fall in love. People who do not fall in love can have arranged marriages.

[nirosha sen]

Now, that's a nugget of truth and enlightenment, Mandangi!!