A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[Lambretta]

Naanga aangal kashttathai purinju avangalukkaaga veshti design panna try panninom... :P
:roll:
VE'ti kattikirthula' periya kashtam enna'iruku? Of course once u get used to it- but again its all ur choice if u want/dont want to! :huh: :)

[NOV]

Dating process:
6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?


Back from Work:
6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??


Gifts:
6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.


Phone Ringing:
6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.


Cooking:
6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!


Apology:
6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??


New Dress:
6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?


Planning for Vacations:
6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to Istanbul on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???


TV:
6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed, I can stay up by myself

[Shakthiprabha.]

:)


on behalf of all married ppl,

In 6 years love would have grown, its just that they understand they need not EMPHASISE it or repeat it again and again :)

[crazy]

sp akka :thumbsup:

[NOV]

on behalf of all married ppl,
:notthatway:
you can only speak on behalf of married women. :exactly:

when you say the word "marriage" you can virtually imagine the man trying to escape, with the woman trying to contain him. :lol2:

[NOV]

MEN

1. All men are extremely busy.

2. Although they are so busy, they still have time for women.

3. Although they have time for women, they don't really care for them.

4. Although they don't really care for them, they always have one around.

5. Although they always have one around them, they always try their luck with others.

6. Although they try their luck with others, they get really pissed off if the woman leaves them.

7. Although the woman leaves them they still don't learn from their mistakes and still try their luck with others.


WOMEN

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.

3.. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

[dev]

:lol:

[littlemaster1982]

That one is too good NOV :thumbsup:

[crajkumar_be]

:lol:

[Nerd]

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.
:lol: :rotfl:

[Designer]

Before & after marriage


A conversation before marriage:

He : Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She : Do you want me to leave?

He : No! Don't even think about it.

She : Do you love me?

He : Of course! Over and over!

She : Have you ever cheated on me?

He : No! Why are you even asking?

She : Will you kiss me?

He : Every chance I get.

She : Will you hit me?

He : Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!

She : Can I trust you?

He : Yes.

She : Darling!


To read a conversation after marriage, simply read this in reverse...

[crazy]

men :evil:

idhe maariye engo padicha ngaabagam.... :)

[Designer]

How To Stop people from bugging you about getting married

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, 'You're next.'

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

[Designer]

Afterlife

After dying in a car crash, three friends go to Heaven for orientation. They are all asked the same question, "When you're lying in your casket, and friends and family are mourning over you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy immediately responds, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the great doctors of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in the children of tomorrow."

The last guy thinks for a moment, and then replies, "I guess I'd like to hear them say, ' Look, he's moving!'"

[sarna_blr]

Tomato Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

'You are employed' he said. Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start.

The man replied 'But I don't have a computer, neither an email'.

'I'm sorry', said the HR manager. If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job.'

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours,
he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times,
and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US ...
He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance.

He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,'I don't have an email.'
The broker answered curiously, 'You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!' The man thought for a while and replied, 'Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!'

Moral of the story


Moral 1
Internet is not the solution to your life.

Moral 2
If you don't have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.

Moral 3
If you are able to read the message via internet...
you are closer to being a office boy/girl, than a millionaire..........

[sarna_blr]

IT.... :lol:

1) Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

2) Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a
Baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine
babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even
if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman;
they'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is
delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to
Produce a baby .

and lastly.................

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the
Right baby..

[NOV]

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation. They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc. The next morning they went to the beach dressed in their 'tourist' garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a 'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said 'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,' nodding and addressing each of them individually, then she passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests? So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!

Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.. After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them.

Again she nodded at each of them, said 'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,' and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said, 'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?' 'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?'

She replied, 'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'

[NOV]

5 IMPORTANT FACTS


Fact 1: You cannot touch all your teeth with your tongue.






































Fact 2 : After reading the first fact, all fools try it.






































Fact 3: Fact 1 is false ha ha ha ha ha....!


































Fact 4: Now you are laughing... bcoz you became a fool!!!





























Fact 5: You are going to forward this now coz you don't wanna be the only fool

[NOV]

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"


"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots to whom I have taught to pray and read the bible.


My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."


So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male alking Parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're hot. Do you want a date?"


One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Idiot, our prayers have been answered

[crazy]

:lol:

[NOV]

Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.

Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar thinks "how poetic"
Sardar says, "pass the custard you b*stard".

[NOV]

Sardar at bar in New York .

Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"

Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"

Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"

[NOV]

Boss : I am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/- , is it o.k?

Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?

[NOV]

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed
& Sun gives light during the day when light is not needed!!!

[NOV]

Two sardars are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says YES...NO...YES. ..NO...YES. ..NO...

[NOV]

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion.. .... ..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes
deaf......"

[NOV]

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....

[NOV]

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......

[NOV]

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' .
he replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read:

AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE.
HOWEVER MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.

[dev]

:D

[crazy]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[P_R]

A golden oldie

Santa is preparing for his MBA entrace exams and is struggling with the logic paper. He just can't come to terms with its demands and seeks the help of his friend, say Guru.

Guru: Santa, logic is simple. It is just about asking questions, making inferences based on the responses and reaching conclusions.
Santa: ...
Guru: For example, do you have a fishbowl in your house ?
Santa: Oh yes.
Guru: Ok and are there any live fish in it ?
Santa: yes of course
Guru: Well that means someone feeds them and changes the water regularly
Santa: Oh yes
Guru: Do you do it ?
Santa: No
Guru: So, someone else in your house must be doing it
Santa: Yes my wife does it
Guru: So you have a wife. Which means you are heterosexual....

Guru: You see how it works...just jumping from one inference to another. That is all logic is about

Santa is thrilled at having mastered logic at such short notice that he heads to his friend Banta's place to show off. Banta is struggling with the logic exam preparation.

Santa: Hey ! It is pretty simple. I will help you out
Banta: Really
Santa: It is just about asking questions, making inferences based on the responses and reaching conclusions. As simple as that !
Banta:..
Santa: For instance: "do you have a fishbowl in your house ?"
Banta: uhm no.

Santa : (aghast in disbelief) saalaa ! You are a homo !??!

[crazy]

:P

[Lambretta]

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating. ......
:lol: :lol:

[ajithfederer]

:rotfl: :rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Forgive me if this is gross! I could not help laughing for the innocence in this joke.

____________

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

[littlemaster1982]

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said,

"But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."


"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked.

"No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"


With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

[littlemaster1982]

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,

When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough


When I don't do it, I am lazy,

When my boss does not do it, he is busy,


When I do something without being told, I am trying to be smart,

When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,


When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,

When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,


When I make a mistake, I' am an idiot.

When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.


When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.

When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.


When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.

When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.


When I apply for leave, I must be going for an interview

When my boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked


When I do good, my boss never remembers,

When I do wrong, he never forgets

[crazy]

:lol:

[NOV]

This was developed as an age test by the R&D Department at Harvard University .
Take your time and see if you can read each line out loud without a mistake.

The average person can't do it!
This is really difficult, not so easy, so be careful.

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is a cat
7. This is fool cat
8. This is busy cat
9. This is for cat
10. This is forty cat
11. This is seconds cat



Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top to
down, and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

[Lambretta]

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
KK'ka, I guess it wudve been YWCA. :? :roll: :oops:

[crazy]

This was developed as an age test by the R&D Department at Harvard University .
Take your time and see if you can read each line out loud without a mistake.

The average person can't do it!
This is really difficult, not so easy, so be careful.

1. This is this cat
2. This is is cat
3. This is how cat
4. This is to cat
5. This is keep cat
6. This is a cat
7. This is fool cat
8. This is busy cat
9. This is for cat
10. This is forty cat
11. This is seconds cat



Now go back and read the third word in each line from the top to
down, and I bet you can't resist passing it on.

:evil: :rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.

The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?

~~~~~~~~~

They say true love hides behind every Corner...

I must be walking in Circles !

:D

[Anoushka]

:)

[crazy]

:D

[ajithfederer]

:oops:

[Ramakrishna]

:omg:

[villan007]

:shock:

[crazy]

hayyo :rotfl: :rotfl:

[MADDY]

Anoushka enna aachu :oops:

[Devar Magan]

Anoushka enna aachu :oops: i think someone hacked her ID.. :lol:

[Anoushka]

:)

[sarna_blr]

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad,
so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and
I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going
abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: I have work for a week, so you need
not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a
week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets
spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am
spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend
that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss
has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend
this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving
private tution: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my
teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I
can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this
week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement

[NOV]

:rotfl:

[littlemaster1982]

Sarna,

That was too good :thumbsup:

[Thalafanz]

Sarna,

That was too good :thumbsup:

I second this... 8-)

[ajithfederer]

sarna :rotfl2:

[Badri]

some computer programmer must have created this one! talk of endless loops!

:rotfl:

[dev]

:lol:

[sarna_blr]

[tscii:a82e8dc987]There is an urgent requirement for following Position..


Please apply ASAP.
.
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Associate Girl Friend ( Trainee )

· Experience : FRESHER (Experienced candidate Can’t apply)

· Age : only 18 to 24( higher age girl need not apply).

· Should be committed to work for 24*7.

· Skills Required: Good looking, Fair (bold enough to come out anytime will an added advantage).

· Preference would be given to beauty contest winner.

· No preference would be given to any degree/diploma.

· ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

· Perks and incentives.

· Total gross ( Monthly ) : 3gifts worth 300/-

· 30 bike rides each duration 2 hours

· 20 trips to Selective place in Chennai/Banglore/Hyderabad/Mumbai/Kolkatta/NCR

· 10 Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3days

· Daily Provision of Vada Pav / Samosa Pav / Pakoda worth of5/-

· 4movies ( On choice ) per month on every weekend in PVR

· Visits to Big Bazar, Life Style, Pubs and various malls.

· Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to Demand

· Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Provident Fund and Service taxes to be informed on joining

· ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

· REFERRAL BONUS WILL BE GIVEN AS PERTHE POLICY / IF PERFORMANCE IS HIGH THEN WILL BE PROMOTED TO NEXTGRADE "WOODBE" ANDTHEN TO "WIFE" IN 2 YEARS

· ------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -

· All short listed candidates will be intimated over phone.

· We would appreciate if you can refer / ask more potential candidatesto meet the Recruitment team at the earliest

· Note : Ex-girl friends will not be eligible for any referral benefits.
[/tscii:a82e8dc987]

[dev]

:)

[ajithfederer]

:rotfl: :rotfl:

I am also innocent :mrgreen:

Forgive me if this is gross! I could not help laughing for the innocence in this joke.

____________

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.

When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.

The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

[Vivasaayi]

to the little boy in sps joke...

thanmaana singamda nee... :notworthy:

:D

[NOV]

Love Marriage vs Arranged Marriage

Love Marriage: Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like.

Arranged Marriage: Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The main object is fixed and various functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or deleted.

Love Marriage: It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain.

Arranged Marriage: Requirements are well defined so use of waterfall model is possible.

Love Marriage: Family system hangs because hardware called parents are not responding.

Arranged Marriage: Compatible with hardware Parents.

Love Marriage: You are the project leader so u are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- married life.

Arranged Marriage: You are a team member under project leader parents so they are responsible for successful execution of project Married life.

Love Marriage: Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc.

Arranged Marriage: All these features are covered in the SRS as required features.

Love Marriage: Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy.

Arranged Marriage: Product is sold on an as is where is basis, Product once sold will not be taken back!

[sarna_blr]

[tscii:c86b0b13bd]During work, Raman and Narayan were chatting:


Raman: Narain, I've been attending night classes for 5 months now and I have an exam next week.


Narayan: oh!

Raman: For example, do you know who is Graham Bell?


Narayan: No


Raman: He's the inventor of the phone in 1876; if you take night Courses you would know this.


The next day, the same discussion took place:


Raman: Do you know who Alexander Dumas is?


Narayan: No


Raman: He's the author of "The 3 Musketeers", if you take night courses, you would know this.


The next day, once again:


Raman: And do you know who Jean Jacques Rousseau is?


Narayan: No


Raman: He's the author of "Confessions", if you take night courses, you would know this.


This time, Narayan got irritated and said: And you, do you know who is Balakrishnan Kuppuswamy?


Raman: No


Narayan: He's the guy roaming with your wife!! If you stop night courses, you would know.




“ Rule: There is ‘some thing’ important in life than Work and General Knowledge. “ [/tscii:c86b0b13bd]

[sarna_blr]

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"...

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband: "That's it. We are happily married ever after. "

[NOV]

Long ago, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, forgot laughter were called "Swamys"
Today, they are called.. "IT professionals"

++++++++++++++++

Written at the back of a Biker ' s T Shirt: "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

++++++++++++++++

Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many.

++++++++++++++++

In the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the letters get reversed..!

++++++++++++++++


Someone rightly said, "A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer"
No wonder many of us are speechless when lecturers ask questions..!

++++++++++++++++

Girl: Do you have cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..! How about this card, it says "To the only guy I will ever love.!"
Girl: That's good. Give me 12 of them..!

++++++++++++++++

After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: "We do have an... opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

++++++++++++++++

A Signboard in front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly.
Don't kill our employees.
Leave them to us.

[dev]

:lol:

[sarna_blr]

Who is real guru!!!

One Night 4 MBA Students Were Boozing till Late Night and didn't
study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went
up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last
night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had
to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition
to appear for the test.
So the dean said they can have the retest after 3 days. They said
they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared
before the dean. T he dean said that this was a special condition
test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the
test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three
days.

The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.

Q .1. Your Name......................... (2 Marks)
&
Q.2. Which Tyre Burst............... (98 Marks).
o Front Left
o Front Right
o Back Left
o Back Right ....!!!

[sarna_blr]

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock. :cry:

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy. :x

The road to success??.. Is always under construction. :oops:

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk. :twisted:

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it. :lol:

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening. :evil:

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak. :roll:

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich?.. Which never works. :?

If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried. :twisted:

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side. :lol:

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

As soon as you mention something?? if it is good, it is taken?. If it is bad, it happens.

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late?? the bus is still late. :x

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate. :oops2:

When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions. :sigh2:

If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? if you have both, no one calls. :x

Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance. :evil:

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming. :lol2:

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom. :rotfl:

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other. :banghead:

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight. :evil:

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker :bangcomp: :banghead:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Written at the back of a Biker ' s T Shirt: "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

cooooool ! cute! :D



Someone rightly said, "A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer"
No wonder many of us are speechless when lecturers ask questions..!

:)



After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: "We do have an... opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

:lol: :lol:

[sarna_blr]

An insect falls into a mug of beer...

Reactions:------------->>>

Englishman:

Throws his mug away and walks out

American:

Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese:

Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese:

Drinks the beer with insect as it is coming free

Indian:

Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new

mug of beer. ......INTELLIGENT INDIANS

Pakistani:

-Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer

-Relates the issue to Kashmir

-Asks the Chinese for Military aid

-Takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer

[Shakthiprabha.]

Who is real guru!!!

One Night 4 MBA Students Were Boozing till Late Night and didn't
study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as
dirty and weird as they could with grease and dirt. They then went
up to the dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last
night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had
to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition
to appear for the test.
So the dean said they can have the retest after 3 days. They said
they will be ready by that time. On the third day they appeared
before the dean. T he dean said that this was a special condition
test. All four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the
test. They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last three
days.

The test consisted of 2 questions with total of 100 marks.

Q .1. Your Name......................... (2 Marks)
&
Q.2. Which Tyre Burst............... (98 Marks).
o Front Left
o Front Right
o Back Left
o Back Right ....!!!

THIS IS WOWWWWWWWW :clap: :clap: :clap: :lol: :lol2:

[sarna_blr]

:ty: adhu net'la suttadhu... :lol2:

[sarna_blr]

The Less You Know, The More You Make"Salary Theorem" states that "Engineers and Scientists can never earn as much as Business Executives and Sales People and IT people."

This theorem can now be supported by a mathematical equation based on the following two postulates:

1. Knowledge is Power.
2. Time is Money.

As every engineer knows:
Power = Work / Time

Since:
Knowledge = Power
Time = Money

It follows that:
Knowledge = Work/Money.

Solving for Money, we get:
Money = Work / Knowledge.

Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity, regardless of the amount of work done.

Conclusion:
The less you know,the more you make.

[NOV]

In a semi posh hotel somewhere in China.....

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia , which was recorded and published.

(To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.)


Room Service (RS) : "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G) : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS : " Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor
sunteen??"

G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS : "Ow July den?"

G : "What??"

RS : "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS : "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G : "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G : "What?"

RS : "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G : "I don't think so."

RS : "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS : "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS : "We bodder?"

G : "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS : "Wad! ?"

G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS : "Copy?"

G : "Excuse me?"

RS : "Copy...tea...meel?"

G : "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS : "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy.... rye??"

G : "Whatever you say."

RS : "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

[ajithfederer]

::rotfl: :rotfl:

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"...

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband: "That's it. We are happily married ever after. "

[ShereneAndrew]

Three FASTEST means of Communication:
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
If you Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Love your friends not their sisters. Love your sisters not their friends.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man got 2 wishes from GOD. He asked for the Best wine and Best Woman.
Next moment, he had the Best Wine and Mother Teresa next to him.
Moral : BE SPECIFIC

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you do NOT have a Girl Friend - You are missing SOME thing in your life. If you HAVE a Girl Friend - You are missing EVERY thing in your life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When your LIFE is in DARKNESS, PRAY GOD and ask him to free you from Darkness. Even after you pray, if U R still in Darkness - Please PAY the ELECTRICITY BILL.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY twice.
Because as per Constitution, you can NOT PUNISH TWICE for the same Mistake.

[ShereneAndrew]

here is a good one...

Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls

and the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing can't b heard!

Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls?

[ShereneAndrew]

A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"

The father answers, "Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:



Scroll down...You'll love this .....

























"You got Male!"

[ShereneAndrew]

Hi,


A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION -EXCELLENT



The wife came home from work early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.



Understandably, she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!"

she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"



Her husband replied, "Hang on just a minute luv, I can explain what
happened."



"You can try", she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"



And the husband began - "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless; that I took pity on her and let her into the car.



I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the soup I made for you last night, the soup that you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured three bowls in moments.



Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste.



I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donate those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has the same pair."



Then he took a quick breath and pressed on - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"

[yosh]

One Day

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: 'Hi, how are you?'

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'Doin' just fine!'

And the other guy says: 'So what are you up to?'

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: 'Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!' At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. 'Can I come over?'
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, 'No........I'm a little busy right now!!!'

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

'Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!'

[sarna_blr]

An Indian and an American are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The American asks if he would
like to play a fun-game.

The Indian, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The American persists and explains that the game is easy
and a lot of fun.

He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice versa."

Again, the Indian declines and tries to get some sleep.

The American, now worked up, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500."

This gets the Indian's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The American asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

The Indian doesn't say a word, reaches into his wallet, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the American.

"Okay," says the American, "Your turn."

So the Indian asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

The American thinks about it. No answer.

Puzzled, he takes out his laptop computer and searches
all his references. No answer!

He taps into the air-phone with his modem and searches
the Internet and the Library of Congress. No answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and
co-workers.

Checks the input. All to no avail!

Finally, a long time later, he wakes the Indian and hands him $500.

The Indian thanks him and turns back to get his sleep.

The American, more than a little miffed, stirs the Indian and asks,

"Well, what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Indian reaches into his purse, hands the American $5,

and goes back to sleep!

[NOV]

GALZZ MUST BE CRAZY
(with apologies to vasavi :P )


"These Guys must be crazy yaar", Asha suddenly remarked while adoring
herself in the mirror.

Her roommate priya who was busily playing Minesweeper in her laptop, turned
to Asha and asked, "c'mon, ma'm wat happened..you talking about Guys
suddenly..watz the matter?"

Asha : True yaar, these guys must be crazy.. I think they do all sort of
stupid things if they fall in love

Priya : aaha, Asha.what happened pa, suddenly you talking about love.who is
that idiot ?

Asha : Hey keep quiet ok! I'm already very angry... You please don't try to
tease me further

Priya : hahaha, you angry. see yourself in the mirror.. your drooling is
quite apparent. Tell me whoz that guy who made you talk about love all of
the sudden

Asha : our next cubicle northie yaar, Vikram I mean.. He is following me
wherever I go

Priya (surprised) : What you mean Vikram? Hey come on so many girls in our
office are drooling about him.... don't just blush ok? You shouldn't lie too
much esp when you are seeing urself in the mirror

Asha : hey come on yaar, you know, that day in FC, I went to wash my hands.
All other taps were free only. But this guy purposely waited and came to the
tap where I washed my hands after I went.

[NOV]

Priya : hmmph.. Big deal... This is more feebler than BSNL signal. (shakes
her head) I cant accept this as a Love signal

Asha : wait wait. Even I didn't think it as a big issue. But yesterday no,
after finished with my dinner, I missed my mobile in the desk while leaving.
When I came back to pick it up, I noticed this Vikram picking up my paper
towel and put in his pocket. What would you say for this?

Priya : Really??? Do u mean it

Asha : hey true yaar.. thatz why I said.. these guys are all crazy.. they
tend to do all sorts of stupid things for love and romance

Priya : aah..dont tell me you didn't like that

Asha : hehe thatz a different story J ... you come with me to Food court
today.. I'll show you live action today

That afternoon........Priya and Asha dine together in the Food court. Vikram
who enters the Food court at the same time, takes the seat just behind them.

Asha : Look where he is sitting

Priya : O.K O.K.. Relax

Both finish their lunch and go to wash their hand. As they return they see
Vikram standing near the place where they had their lunch

Asha : Now see what he does

Priya : Wait , wait

Vikram looks here and there, after getting convinced no one is around, picks
up the tumbler that was used by Asha during her lunch.

Asha : (triumphant smile) What do yaa say now?

[NOV]

Priya : Yep yep, Guys must be crazy only.. I will go and catch that Vikram
red handedly

Asha : hey relax priya, Me feeling shy

Priya : hello this is not a film story to keep postponing love proposal
until a railway station climax. You just wait here

Priya straightly goes to Vikram, who is quiet surprised to see her..

Vikram : Hi priya..how do u do

Priya : Dei, what are u doing da

Vikram : err..whatz the matter pri?

Priya : Watz the tumbler u are holding in ur hand

Vikram : oh this one ah? This is your friend Asha's work. Arrey, she is so
careless yaar. Whenever she goes to wash her hands in the wash basin, she
leaves the tap open and let water go waste. She never disposes of the paper
towel, once she is done with lunch and leaves it there itself. See even now,
she doesn't even care to keep the tumbler back in the place. How many times
you expect me to keep reminding in mails as part of the HALE cleanliness
initiative of the week. Nobody cares.. see, for being a volunteer what sort
of job I have to do. Regardless of the number of posts in the bulletin about
etiquette nobody cares to listen."

Saying this, a disgusted vikram goes to pick up the tumbler in the next
desk. An apparently shocked Asha could not mutter any other words except
mumbling "GALS MUST BE REALLY CRAZY . . . . ..."

[crazy]

have read this story ...yaaro story sec post panna ngaabagam :rotfl:

[Querida]

:lol: :lol: :lol: it's fun to laugh with as much as it is to laugh at eh?? :P

[Shakthiprabha.]

yosh, sherene

:rotfl2:

sarna, nov

:lol2:

(thats cause Ive read it before :D )

[app_engine]

Just read in Kumudam Arasu badhilkal:
"இரண்டு முறைகளுக்கு மேல் முதல்வர் ஆக மாட்டேன்" என்கிறாரே சரத்குமார்?

ஆமாம். அதற்குமேல் நேரம் இருக்காது. மூன்றுமுறை பிரதமர் ஆக வேண்டும். அதற்குப் பிறகு அமெரிக்காவுக்கு வேறு ஜனாதிபதி ஆக வேண்டுமே..

[P_R]

Just read in Kumudam Arasu badhilkal:
"இரண்டு முறைகளுக்கு மேல் முதல்வர் ஆக மாட்டேன்" என்கிறாரே சரத்குமார்?

ஆமாம். அதற்குமேல் நேரம் இருக்காது. மூன்றுமுறை பிரதமர் ஆக வேண்டும். அதற்குப் பிறகு அமெரிக்காவுக்கு வேறு ஜனாதிபதி ஆக வேண்டுமே.. :rotfl:

[crazy]

:lol:

[ajithfederer]

:rotfl:

:lol2:

Just read in Kumudam Arasu badhilkal:
"இரண்டு முறைகளுக்கு மேல் முதல்வர் ஆக மாட்டேன்" என்கிறாரே சரத்குமார்?

ஆமாம். அதற்குமேல் நேரம் இருக்காது. மூன்றுமுறை பிரதமர் ஆக வேண்டும். அதற்குப் பிறகு அமெரிக்காவுக்கு வேறு ஜனாதிபதி ஆக வேண்டுமே..

[P_R]

An eye doctor in poland is giving his patient the eye exam . the guy reads the first three lines and is struggling with the fourth line..

the line reads CZXOWCZX

the doc asks the guy.. do you recognize that line young man ?

the guy says "recognize that!! i am dating his sister !"

[NOV]

Why INDIA is in trouble......


Population: 100 crore

9 crore retired
30 crore in state Govt;
17 crore in central Govt.
(Both categories don't work)
1 crore IT professional (don't work for India )
1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals
Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail

The Balance two are you and I.

and you are busy checking out the Hub ... :rotfl:

[crazy]

and neither of us r indian "citizens" :rotfl:

[NOV]

Fathers then & now

Father's Day is fast approaching. Fathers of 1900 didn't have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:

In 1900, fathers prayed their children would learn English.

Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a father's horsepower meant his horses.

Today, it's the size of his minivan.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family's head, he was a success.

Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that's just the vacation home.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.

Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers passed on clothing to their sons.

Today, kids wouldn't touch Dad's clothes if they were sliding naked down an icicle.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.

Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the DVD.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.

If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, "Wake up, it's time for school."

Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: "Wake up, it's time for hockey practice."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.

Today, a father comes home to a note: "Jimmy's at baseball, Cindy's at gymnastics, I'm at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.

Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons' ears and shout, "WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE.."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.

Today, a father spends $800 at Toys 'R' Us, and the kid screams: "I wanted Sega!"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.

Today, it's Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a Father's Day gift would be a hand tool.

Today, he'll get a digital organizer.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers said, "A man's home is his castle."

Today, they say, "Welcome to the money pit."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, "a good day at the market" meant Father brought home feed for the horses.

Today, "a good day at the market" means Dad got in early on an IPO.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.

Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald's.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.

Today, a father's involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.

Today, kids glance up and grunt, "Dad, you're invading my space."


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suiters with shotguns if the girl came home late.

Today, fathers break the ice by saying, "So...how long have you had that earring?"


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers pined for the old school, which meant a one-room, red-brick building.

Today, fathers pine for the old school, which means Dr J and Mickey Mantle.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.

In 2008, fathers are never truly appreciated.

[NOV]

Scientists at NASA built a device to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, the space shuttle, etc. The idea being to simulate collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

British engineers heard about the device and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made and a device was sent to the British engineers.

When device was fired, the British engineers were shocked... the chicken hurled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, blasted through the control console, snapped the engineer's back-rest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cabin.

The horrified Brits sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment, along with the designs of the windshield and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA responded with a one-line memo:































You will love this........

















































"Defrost the chicken."

[NOV]

English Teacher: Make a sentence using "Neither-Nor"

Student: When girls wear tight fitting dresses, "NEiTHER" are they comfortable, "NOR" are we!

[NOV]

A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:

Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid,
& she is my kidney.

[NOV]

Kissing a woman on her FOREHEAD is Respect
On her LIPS is Love
CHEEKi s Heroism
NECK is Lust

BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY :shock:

[rajan]

good jokes

[crazy]

:lol: :lol:

[NOV]

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether
any 're
-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Banta

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

[app_engine]

ROTFL...Thanks NOV:-)

[crazy]

:lol:

[sarna_blr]

Once upon a time , there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river.


Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood ( the woodcutter and the axe )


He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.



As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "


Is this your computer ?


" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "


No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

[Shakthiprabha.]

Once upon a time , there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river.


Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood ( the woodcutter and the axe )


He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.



As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "


Is this your computer ?


" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "


No, not at all !!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

:)

I really enjoyed this

[sarna_blr]

:)

I really enjoyed this

SP akka, do u know the moral of the same story... :roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

In a semi posh hotel somewhere in China.....

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia , which was recorded and published.

(To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.)


Room Service (RS) : "Morrin. ; Roon sirbees."

Guest (G) : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS : " Rye ..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor
sunteen??"

G : "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS : "Ow July den?"

G : "What??"

RS : "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS : "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G : "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G : "What?"

RS : "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G : "I don't think so."

RS : "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G : "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS : "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"

G : "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS : "We bodder?"

G : "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS : "Wad! ?"

G : "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS : "Copy?"

G : "Excuse me?"

RS : "Copy...tea...meel?"

G : "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS : "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy.... rye??"

G : "Whatever you say."

RS : "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."

:sigh: I would rather stay hungry than go thro all that :cry:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage".

Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one.

On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again. This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!!

I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?"...

She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!"."

Husband: "That's it. We are happily married ever after. "

:shaking:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Just read in Kumudam Arasu badhilkal:
"இரண்டு முறைகளுக்கு மேல் முதல்வர் ஆக மாட்டேன்" என்கிறாரே சரத்குமார்?

ஆமாம். அதற்குமேல் நேரம் இருக்காது. மூன்றுமுறை பிரதமர் ஆக வேண்டும். அதற்குப் பிறகு அமெரிக்காவுக்கு வேறு ஜனாதிபதி ஆக வேண்டுமே..

:D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Why INDIA is in trouble......


Population: 100 crore

9 crore retired
30 crore in state Govt;
17 crore in central Govt.
(Both categories don't work)
1 crore IT professional (don't work for India )
1.2 crore u can find anytime in hospitals
Statistics says u find 79,99,998 people anytime in jail

The Balance two are you and I.

and you are busy checking out the Hub ... :rotfl:

Umpteenth time reading it :yawn:

[sarna_blr]

Just read in Kumudam Arasu badhilkal:
"இரண்டு முறைகளுக்கு மேல் முதல்வர் ஆக மாட்டேன்" என்கிறாரே சரத்குமார்?

ஆமாம். அதற்குமேல் நேரம் இருக்காது. மூன்றுமுறை பிரதமர் ஆக வேண்டும். அதற்குப் பிறகு அமெரிக்காவுக்கு வேறு ஜனாதிபதி ஆக வேண்டுமே..

:D

:rotfl: :rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Scientists at NASA built a device to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets, the space shuttle, etc. The idea being to simulate collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.



:| :D

[Shakthiprabha.]

Kissing a woman on her FOREHEAD is Respect
On her LIPS is Love
CHEEKi s Heroism
NECK is Lust

BUT KISSING HER IN FRONT OF HER HUSBAND IS BRAVERY :shock:

:roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Why Bill Gates decides to Sell OFF Microsoft?

Letter from Banta Singh to Mr. Bill Gates

Subject: Problems with my new computer

Dear Mr. Bill Gates,

We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.

2. One doubt is whether
any 're
-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.

3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.

4. My child learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Mi crosoft sentence', so when you will provide that?

5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer': when you will povide the remaining items?

6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that

7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.

8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?

9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.

Regards,
Banta

Last one to Mr. Bill Gates:
Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?

:lol:

[sarna_blr]

See , how people write leave Applications.



It's murder of English language. But Too Funny.

Just Read It.





The Leave Applications;)






Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:


"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------




This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:


"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:


"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."






--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





From H.A.L. Administration Dept:


"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:


"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





An incident of a leave letter:



"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





A leave letter to the headmaster:


"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Another leave letter written to the headmaster:


"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day."





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Covering note:


"I am enclosed herewith..."





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Another one:



"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Actual letter written for application of leave:


"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





Letter writing:-


"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------





A candidate's job application:


"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.

[NOV]

A husband comes home from a motivation course and greets his wife. He then lifts her and carries her around the house.

"Wow! This is so romantic. Did the motivator also include lessons on romancing the wife?

"No," replied the husband, "We were told to carry our own burden and sorrows."

[crazy]

:rotfl:

[Shakthiprabha.]

hmmm...! :)

[Wibha]

:D

[P_R]

:roll: Wibha, why did you post it in this thread ?
You meant it as a joke ? :-)

[Wibha]

:roll: Wibha, why did you post it in this thread ?
You meant it as a joke ? :-)

nvm PR :oops:

moving it :D happened to misread the thread :)

[NOV]

:roll: :roll: :roll:

A malaysian/singaporean joke for a change. :D


Ah Beng bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
"My Mobile No. Has changed. Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610"


Ah Beng: I am a Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.


Ah Beng: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng: Can I take tomorrow, tonight is final game.


Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.


Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.


Ah Beng complained to the police: "Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house."
Police: "How the thief did not take TV?"
Ah Beng: "I was watching TV news..."


Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."


How do you recognize Ah Beng in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.


Once A Beng was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.


Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"


Ah Beng: Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?


Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng: The future tense is "u will go to jail"


Ah Beng told his servant: "Go and water the plants!"
Servant: "It's already raining."
Ah Beng: "So what? Take an umbrella and go."


A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and not
in the morning. Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM

[Wibha]

Suppandi jokes-a potitu Ah Beng nu kadha vidreengala NOV :twisted:

[littlemaster1982]

Wibha,

You know Suppandi jokes? :shock:

[Wibha]

i loveeee suppandi..he's so freaking hilarious :rotfl2: :rotfl2:

[NOV]

BEER!

Now cheaper than petrol

Drink .......... Don't drive

[ajithfederer]

Men always have better friends....
Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night.
So she tells her husband the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.
So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirmed that she was with them.

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night.
So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

:noteeth:

[littlemaster1982]

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

[kannannn]

Men always have better friends....
Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night.
So she tells her husband the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.
So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirmed that she was with them.

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night.
So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

:noteeth: :rotfl: :rotfl: Reminds me of Sathi Leelavathi. Kalpana has just called Ramesh Arvind's boss to ask if he has been there, to which he answers in the negative. But just after ending the call he exclaims to himself, "Maatikittedannu sollalaamna, enga irukkaannu theriyalaye.." It is as if there is an unspoken agreement :lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

BEER!

Now cheaper than petrol

Drink .......... Don't drive

:rotfl2:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Few jokes are known to me :) so... for the new ones...



Ah Beng: If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
Ah Beng: No, I'll also stay with your sister.

:)


Ah Beng: People consider me as a "GOD"
Wife: How do you know??
Ah Beng: When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again.

:D


Ah Beng comes back 2 his car & find a note saying "Parking Fine"
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole "Thanks for compliment."

:lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Suppandi jokes-a potitu Ah Beng nu kadha vidreengala NOV :twisted:

Every country or cult or sect has a supandi or mr x or sardar or ah beng or blondie :sigh2:

and they make same follies, behave same way!

[Shakthiprabha.]

Men always have better friends....
Friends of Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night.
So she tells her husband the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend's apartment overnight.
So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirmed that she was with them.

Friends of Men:
A husband was not at home for a whole night.
So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 claimed that he is still with them!!

:noteeth:

A known joke, but worth a grin :D

[app_engine]

Reg. leave apps:

My friend used to be the shop floor in-charge in the factory where all the operators were women (mostly +2 finished kind) and it used to be fun to read some of the leave apps he gets. Often it ends with "yours lovingly" and sometimes "yours affectionately":-) (I too worked in the same plant at that time)

Since those girls used to write in school starting as "I'm suffering from fever / cold etc.", they repeat the same sentence here often, with various kinds of "sufferings". One that was often seen was:
"I am suffering from home affairs"

[Madhu Sree]

Innocent Jokes:.... :D

TEACHER: Why are you late?
BALGOBIN: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?
BALGOBIN: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER: Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on
the floor?
BALGOBIN: You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER: Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I
spell it!

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

TEACHER: Balgobin, go to the map and find North
America.
BALGOBIN: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Balgobin!

TEACHER: Balgobin, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN: Me!

TEACHER: Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than
you are.

BALGOBIN: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN: Your name on this report card.

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting
insects?
BALGOBIN: Don't bite any.

TEACHER: Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with
"I".
BALGOBIN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the
alphabet."

TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
BALGOBIN: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on
the same day,same time."

TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now
do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
BALGOBIN: "Because George still had the axe in his
hand?"

BALGOBIN: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER: No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN: Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?

TEACHER: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,
one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN: Yes it's really strange. I've got another
pair just like that at home.

TEACHER: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a
donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be
showing?
BALGOBIN: Brotherly love?

TEACHER: Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say
prayers before eating?
BALGOBIN: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good
cook.

TEACHER: Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is
exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on
talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN: A teacher.

Njoi ur day :)

[sarna_blr]

BALGOBIN aanaa ? ponnaa ? :roll:

[Madhu Sree]

BALGOBIN aanaa ? ponnaa ? :roll:

Neenga 'aan' endraa BALGOBIN ponnu...
Neenga 'PEN' endraa BALGOBIN 'AAN'...

ha ha ha :P idhuvum oru joke thaan sirikalaame....

[sarna_blr]

BALGOBIN aanaa ? ponnaa ? :roll:

Neenga 'aan' endraa BALGOBIN ponnu...
Neenga 'PEN' endraa BALGOBIN 'AAN'...

ha ha ha :P idhuvum oru joke thaan sirikalaame....

:lol: :lol2: :rotfl: :rotfl2: sirichchuttEn.. pOdhumaa :roll:

[Madhu Sree]

BALGOBIN aanaa ? ponnaa ? :roll:

Neenga 'aan' endraa BALGOBIN ponnu...
Neenga 'PEN' endraa BALGOBIN 'AAN'...

ha ha ha :P idhuvum oru joke thaan sirikalaame....

:lol: :lol2: :rotfl: :rotfl2: sirichchuttEn.. pOdhumaa :roll: :D

[Wibha]

How guys select the girl they want to marry


A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!
:lol2: :banghead: :rotfl:


Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

:rotfl: :rotfl2: :rotfl: guys are so :rotfl:

[crazy]

:rotfl: :rotfl:

naan enge answer'nu thedittu irundhen... :lol: :lol: :lol:

[NOV]

arshu, this must the U version. the original version has a man looking for a secretary, and the chosen one ...... :shhh:

[sarna_blr]

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a
bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,

"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to
this so called homely girl from a village whom I
haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.
I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I
told them that openly and now I have a hell lot of
family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages...
I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3
years."After a couple of years, my father fell in love
with my step-daughter and so my father became my
son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

The American continued,

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my
father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations
turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's
son I.e. My brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have
become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems....

Indian: Give me a break!!"

[Madhu Sree]

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a
bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American,

"You know my parents are forcing me to get married to
this so called homely girl from a village whom I
haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage.
I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I
told them that openly and now I have a hell lot of
family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages...
I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3
years."After a couple of years, my father fell in love
with my step-daughter and so my father became my
son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

The American continued,

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.
More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my
father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations
turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's
son I.e. My brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have
become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems....

Indian: Give me a break!!"

:lol: :lol: :lol: good one...

[NOV]

The Professional

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car. She looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help. Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head.

The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so.... She was also very thankful.

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank you so much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison today. I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud,

"Oh, Thank you God!
You even sent me a professional! "

[NOV]

100% Workable Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegies by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with your signigicant other about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of Exlax, then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad tooth ache? Hit your big toe with a hammer, then you will forget about the tooth ache.

[NOV]

These are notes written by PARENTS in an Arkansas school district.. (Spellings have been left intact.)

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take pe today. please execute him.

2. Please exkuce Mona for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear school: Please ecsc'S Johnny's being absent on jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and also 33.

4. Please excuse Lorrie from jim today. she is administrating.

5. Please excuse Ronald from p.e. for a few days. yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip.

6. Todd has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.

7. Carl was absent yesterday because he was playing football. he was hurt in the growing part.

8. Meg could not come to school today because she has been bothered by very close veins.

9. Chri! s will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.

10. Please excuse Gary Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

11. Please excuse Peter from being absent yesterday. he had (diahre, dyrea, direathe), the sh**s.

12. Please excuse Tom for being absent yesterday. he had diarrhea, and his boots leak.

13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.

14. Please excuse Jack for being. it was his father's fault.

15. I kept Bill home because she had to go christmas shopping because i dont know what size she wear.

6. Please excuse Jenny for missing school yesterday. we forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it monday. we thought it was sunday.

17. Betty won't be in school a week from Friday. we have to attend her funeral.

18. Please excuse Jonathan for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.

19. Please excuse Mandy for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.

20. Please excuse Terry. She has been sick and under the doctor.

[Sinthiya]

100% Workable Home Remedies
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
:lol: :goodidea: :oops:

[chevy]

How guys select the girl they want to marry


A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he chose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one!!!!!!
:lol2: :banghead: :rotfl:


Men are Men.... Obviously!!! :)

:rotfl: :rotfl2: :rotfl: guys are so :rotfl: i didn get it :( , gosh , he married the most beautiful one was in white color. Why , is that a secret. ? :S

[rocketboy]

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were female, one was a male. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the male gave a truly touching speech saying he would sacrifice himself to save the lives of the others. The females applauded.

:rotfl:

[thilak4life]

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were female, one was a male. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the male gave a truly touching speech saying he would sacrifice himself to save the lives of the others. The females applauded.

:rotfl:

:lol:

[NOV]

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one of them asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"When it cries!" she told them.

"When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?"

"Because, I forgot where I put it."

[NOV]

The head nun tells the two new nuns that they have to paint their room without getting any paint on their clothes.

The one nun says to the other, "Hey, let's take all our clothes off, fold them up, and lock the door." So they do this, and begin painting their room.

Soon they hear a knock at the door. They ask, "Who is it?"

"Blind man!"

The nuns look at each other, then one nun says, "He's blind, he can't see. It should be okay." And they let him in.

The man walks in, does a double take, and says, "Where do you want me to hang the blinds?"

[Designer]

A 45 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near death experience.

Seeing God she asked, 'Is my time up?'

God replied, 'No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live.'

Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair color and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it. After her last operation, she was released from the hospital.

While crossing the street on her way home, she was run over and killed by a truck.

Arriving in front of God, she demanded, 'I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the truck?'

God replied,

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

-

'I didn't recognize you!'


Moral ...Stay the way you are !

[Shakthiprabha.]

des,

:roll:

[Shakthiprabha.]

Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were female, one was a male. As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered. Finally the male gave a truly touching speech saying he would sacrifice himself to save the lives of the others. The females applauded.

:rotfl:

Sure hilllllarious stuff :rotfl2: When did men start thinking so sensibily :lol2:

[crazy]

akka :thumbsup: :lol:

[Wibha]

NOV :confused2: it wasn't funny :?

designer :D

rocket boy :rotfl: :rotfl2:

sp akka :lol:

[NOV]

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So, I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker asked me what I was doing.

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, "What are you doing?"

I told him I was a light bulb.

He said, "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days."
I jumped down and walked out of the office.

When my co-worker followed me, the Boss asked her, "And where do you think you're going?"

(You're gonna love this.)

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark."

[Nerd]

(You're gonna love this.)

I definitely did :rotfl: :rotfl2: :rotfl:

[NOV]

A man threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles.
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the crocodiles!

[NOV]

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

[NOV]

He was a good man. He never smoked, drank and had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said, 'He who never lived, cannot die!'

[NOV]

So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, the slow way.

[NOV]

Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!

[crazy]

:evil:

[NOV]

:evil:I promise not to show this page to your boyfriend. :poke:

[Wibha]

:evil: NOV :x not one was funny :hammer:

[crazy]

:evil:I promise not to show this page to your boyfriend. :poke:

yeah....romba bayandhuttu irundhen :( nandri :bow:

[ajithfederer]

:rotfl:

[ajithfederer]

OMG i can't stop imagining this

:rotfl2: :rotfl: :rotfl2:

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!

[Ramakrishna]

NOV :rotfl:

[ShereneAndrew]

A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.
As he was nearing home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and try the same thing.
As he was driving back into his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat farther and farther away, but the darn cat would always beat him home.
At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right and so on until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and he left the cat there.
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?". "Yes," the wife answers. "Why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answers: "Put that damn cat on the phone. I'm lost and I need directions!"

[ShereneAndrew]

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.
Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?
God: So you will always want to look at her.
Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?
God: So you will always want to touch her.
Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?
God: So you will always want to be near her.
Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would love you.

[ShereneAndrew]

Doctors Meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.
The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."
The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."
The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."
The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret....

[ShereneAndrew]

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a
moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

[ShereneAndrew]

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little
girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her
own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running
through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God's doing a lot better job lately."

[ShereneAndrew]

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says,
"My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they
give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

[Sinthiya]

Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
the other 80% boys have girl friends with brains, so why do they need it? :wink:


So many options for suicide:
Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, the slow way.
:lol: ...

[littlemaster1982]

Santa comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and Santa panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor`s house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.

A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Santa, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?".
Santa stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?".

The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"

[littlemaster1982]

Santa's son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.

He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at striker's end!"

One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot a bullet from his gun and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the bullet hits the bulls eye!"

Santa's son said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 5:00 he gets home at 4:00!"

[NOV]

IRONY


Drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at thefront.


People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.



EVER WONDER ...

Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.


Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?


Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

[chevy]

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a
moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?" :)

[NOV]

An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.

One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.

All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.

At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.
When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute,
then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.



This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.

So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.

The old farmer said: 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.

'And what about the men?' the minister asked.

They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.

[NOV]

[tscii]
You Didn't Get The Memo?



Memo from CEO to Manager:
Today at 11 o¢ clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.



Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.



Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.



Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will make the sun disappear for two minutes. This doesn¢t happen every day. It will be safe and as usual, it will cost you.



Memo from Supervisor to Staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesn¢t happen every day.

[ShereneAndrew]

:rotfl: :rotfl: (though hv read earlier.. romba palasu.. it was very funny)

[Shakthiprabha.]

A grandfather and granddaughter were sitting and talking when the young girl
asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?"
"Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little
girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, He did," the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her
own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running
through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said,
"God's doing a lot better job lately."

:)

It reminds me of what happened with me and my friend. She jovially always talks about her beauty (and NO... she is not really all that beautiful to look at, atleast due to age, though she is a gem at heart)

She cares a hoot about how she is aging or how she looks. She cracks jokes upon herself.

One afternoon, she was asusual in her high spirits.

She said "Did u see my beauty"

me: "yeah I am speechless, how is it possible!"

she: "thats because god made me just the next second after he made AISHWARYA RAI"

me: "My god! ONE second makes so much ruins!!"

she: (such a sport she is, such a darling she is, she started laughing heartily :) )

[Lambretta]

KK 'ka, 'didnt know u too had such wit! :shock: :lol:
Kalakareenga! :thumbsup: :D

[littlemaster1982]

[tscii:177b156f08]A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,
"I'll have a CAD monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took
out a monkey.

He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll
be £5000."

The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a
very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did
that one cost so much?"

The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast,
clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"

"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects,
mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really
useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a
cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000.

He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put
together! What on earth does it do?"

The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but
it says it's an Engineer."
[/tscii:177b156f08]

[littlemaster1982]

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.


ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.

ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________ ___

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

__________________________________________________ ___

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
__________________________________________________ ___

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
__________________________________________________ ___

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITN! ESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

[crazy]

:lol: :lol:

[Shakthiprabha.]

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

:lol2:



ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

:rotfl:




ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?

WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITN! ESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.


:rotfl2:

[NOV]

Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'

'No, sweetheart,' she responds.


Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'

'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.

'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.

'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'


Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'

Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'

[Thalafanz]

It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.
Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered....They don't come to change the family, they are here just to... ( READ ON!)

The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in the traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech:
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me into my new home and family. Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine .No, I will never do that, never in a million years."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
"What I mean Dad is (looking at her in-laws):

Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!

"And what are you here for?" enquired the mother-in-law.

"ME!!!! I'M HERE ONLY TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!!!!"

[NOV]

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?

" Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything !! "

[NOV]

What's the difference between people who pray in temple and those who pray in casinos?

The ones in the casinos are serious.

[NOV]

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

[NOV]

A little boy went up to his father and asked :

" Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from ? "

His father replied : " Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, because I still have mine. "

[NOV]

Paul's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
"Paul seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls. "

The mother wrote back the next day :
" If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his father ! "

[P_R]

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness. :lol:

[NOV]

One day Kuttappan's dad bought a robot. The robot was special in that it could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.

Kuttappan returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son why are you late from school?".

Kuttappan answered, "Dad we had extra classes today".

Much to his astonishment the Robot jumped up and slapped
Kuttappan on his face.

His dad told him "Son, this robot is special in that he can detect a lie and will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth, Why are you late?"

"Dad I went for a movie",

"Which movie?" "Thiruvilaiyadal",

Splatt

Kuttappan got a tight slap on the face from the robot.

"No dad honest I went for the movie starring Namitha."

Dad :"Shame on you son. When I was your age I never used to do such shameful things."

Splatt

The dad gets a tight slap on the face from the robot.

Hearing all this, Kuttappans mother comes walking out of the kitchen saying, "Don't be hard on him. After all he is your son.......", to which the robot steps up and gives a resounding slap on Kuttappan's mother's face.

[NOV]

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old male chicken :sigh2:. As he feels that the old chicken could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young chicken from the market.

Old chicken to Young chicken : "Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young chicken : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old chicken : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can't I help you with some?

Young chicken : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old chicken : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all.

Young chicken : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old chicken : 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young chicken : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young chicken allows the Old chicken to start off and when the Old chicken crosses the 10 meters mark the Young chicken chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old chicken back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! ...... before he could overtake the old chicken , he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, "Hell ! This is the fifth gay chicken I've bought this week !"

[NOV]

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying.

Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?"

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?"

The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion."

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try."

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?"

To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to."

[NOV]

Moral of the story is... the reply you get depends on the question you ask.

For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday; ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?"

:rotfl:

[crazy]

:lol: :lol:

[NOV]

A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'

The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and then all mankind was made.'

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'

The mother answered,'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'

[Querida]

[tscii:9152f932b3] :lol:

the following amuse has a PG rating:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. Bill Fenton has been causing
quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and
have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment.

Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your
husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Fenton have been compiled
and are listed below.

Mr. Wally Underpants
President and CEO of Wal-Mart Complaint Department

MEMO

Re: Mr. Bill Fenton - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done
while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people’s
carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, ‘Code
3′ in housewares….. and watched what happened.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M’s on
layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION - WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he’d invite them in if they’ll bring pillows from the bedding
department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry
and asks Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a
mirror, and picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the
clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the
“Mission Impossible” theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his “Madonna look” using
different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
yelled “PICK ME!” “PICK ME!”

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes
the fetal position and screams “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!!!!”

(And; last, but not least!)

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while;
then, yelled, very loudly, “There is no toilet paper in here!”
[/tscii:9152f932b3]

[crazy]

Q :rotfl: :rotfl:

[NOV]

You are a Tamilian Only if ......

1-You arrive one hour late to a party and find out you are the first one to arrive.

2-You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'anna' just because he's behind a counter.

3-You wear a suit to a wedding... and you are only 3 years old.

4-The wedding takes an hour and the group pictures take five hours.

5-Your mom and sister together own more jewelry than a Chinese jewelry store.

6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India .

7-You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

8-The second your guests leave the house, your parents start talking about them.

9-You rent a cassette from the grocery store, it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3 months later.

10-You go to a Tamil Cultural program only to find one Bharathanatyam and six hip hop shows.

11-You are somehow related to every new friend you meet.

12-Your remote control is still in its plastic packet.

13-You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask What happened to the other 5%?!'

14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by.

15-You see married couples kissing on TV but have never your Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.

16-Your parents never address each other by name.

17-When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half.

18-Your mother has a minor dispute with her sister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years.

19-Your parents say Swiss instead of Switzerland , Germany is German and England is London .

20-you go to a party and your aunt comments on how your skin color has changed.

21-You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all the songs from Roja are dubbed in it.

22-When the teacher took attendance and there was a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said 'here.'

23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.

24-You have dinner at 10pm.

25-When your parents say 'BBC' they don't mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or aunty Kamala.

26-It's normal for all the relatives to bathe the groom on his wedding day.

27-You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousin on your father's side is pregnant even before she does.

28-Your aunties tease you about a particularly eligible cousin... & you like it!!!

29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar.

30-You only stop putting more rice on your guest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop.

31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, you get: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee
ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!'

32-If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa, jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'

33-Halfway through your shower you realize that your Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been replaced by Siyakkai shampoo.

34-You walk in to another Tamil family's house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours.

Last but not least

35- You are a true tamilian if you forward this mail to another tamilian

[Ramakrishna]

[tscii:d8a3d31013] This is too good… if you can read this… it will not take more than 5 mins….


Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooopen


In Tamilnadu , there is a well known person by name , Mr. Jeppier , Chairman of Sathyabama deemed university and some more self financing colleges , always speaks in English. That college students have collected & published a book by name "Jappier's Spoken English"
... Njoy .............with his.......... .....English. ......... .......

Now , here are some classic English sentences from the great
"Jappier's Spoken English"




# At the ground:
------------ -----

All of you stand in a straight circle.
There is no wind in the balloon.
The girl with the mirror please comes her....{Means: girl with specs please come here).




# To a boy , angrily:
------------ ---------
I talk , he talk , why you middle middle talk?




# While punishing students:
------------ --------- --
You , rotate the ground four times....
You , go and understand the tree...
You three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO .....(?)




# While addressing students about Dress Code: (he is very strict abt this )
------------ --------- --
Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big)
Girls should wear only slawar no nitee.
Girls should not wear T sirt , U shirt , V shirt.. but if you want to wear ...... remove it when inside the campus and put it oout side the campus




# Sir at his best:
------------ ---
Sir had once gone to a film with his wife. By chance , he happened to see one of our boys at the theatre , though the boy did no t see them.
So the next day at s school... (to that boy) - "Yesterday I saw you
WITH MY WIFE at the Cinema Theatre"



# Sir at his best inside the Class room:
------------ --------- --------- --------- -------
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Shhh...Quiet , boys...the principal JUST PASSED AWAY in the corridor
You , meet me behind the class. (Meaning AFTER the class..)
This one is cool >> "Both of u three get out of the class."
Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today....
Take Copper Wire of any metal especially of Silver.....
Take 5 cm wire of any length....




Last but not the least some Jeppiar experiences ...

Once Sir had come late to a college function , by the time he reached , the function had begun , so he went to the dais , and said , sorry I am late , because on the way my car hit 2 muttons (Meaning goats).




At Sathyabama college day 2002:

"This college strict u the worry no .... U get good marks , I the happy , tomorrow u get good job , jpr the happy , tomorrow u marry I the enjoy"




At St. Josephs college of engineering fresh years day 2003:

"No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police "



VERY IMPORTANT: Enjoy this English, but don't forget your English! [/tscii:d8a3d31013]

[Querida]

:lol: i wonder what Mr. Jeppiar said when he got his hands on his namesake book...

NOV-san how i wish "You are a Tamilian Only if ......" was funny not was funny because it's true... :roll: :x

1-You arrive one hour late to a party and find out you are the first one to arrive. ( :x sooo know this feeling! And I worry during the travelling to get there, that I'm late and being impolite!) DOWN with IST!!!

14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by. (Yeah and they switch to horribly mangled english if they were speaking perfectly good thamil before you came by!)


22-When the teacher took attendance and there was a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said 'here.' ( :roll: Sigh...have always known how this feels! That's why guilty of the following one)

23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo. (guilty! :P )


29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar. :D

30-You only stop putting more rice on your guest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop. ( :x there's a line between being a good guest and fear that you are going to keel over at the table!That's just the second helping too!)

31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, you get: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee
ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!' :lol: :P

32-If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa, jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'
:roll: :x (hate this one!)

34-You walk in to another Tamil family's house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours.
(haha i have seen this between two relatives who put down each other's taste...maybe they should pay more attention when they visit each other!)

[Lambretta]

You are a Tamilian Only if ......

1-You arrive one hour late to a party and find out you are the first one to arrive.

2-You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'anna' just because he's behind a counter.

3-You wear a suit to a wedding... and you are only 3 years old.

4-The wedding takes an hour and the group pictures take five hours.

5-Your mom and sister together own more jewelry than a Chinese jewelry store.

6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India .

7-You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

8-The second your guests leave the house, your parents start talking about them.

9-You rent a cassette from the grocery store, it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3 months later.

10-You go to a Tamil Cultural program only to find one Bharathanatyam and six hip hop shows.

11-You are somehow related to every new friend you meet.

12-Your remote control is still in its plastic packet.

13-You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask What happened to the other 5%?!'

14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by.

15-You see married couples kissing on TV but have never your Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.

16-Your parents never address each other by name.

17-When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half.

18-Your mother has a minor dispute with her sister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years.

19-Your parents say Swiss instead of Switzerland , Germany is German and England is London .

20-you go to a party and your aunt comments on how your skin color has changed.

21-You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all the songs from Roja are dubbed in it.

22-When the teacher took attendance and there was a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said 'here.'

23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.

24-You have dinner at 10pm.

25-When your parents say 'BBC' they don't mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or aunty Kamala.

26-It's normal for all the relatives to bathe the groom on his wedding day.

27-You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousin on your father's side is pregnant even before she does.

28-Your aunties tease you about a particularly eligible cousin... & you like it!!!

29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar.

30-You only stop putting more rice on your guest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop.

31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, you get: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee
ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!'

32-If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa, jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'

33-Halfway through your shower you realize that your Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been replaced by Siyakkai shampoo.

34-You walk in to another Tamil family's house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours.

Last but not least

35- You are a true tamilian if you forward this mail to another tamilian
Good ones! :lol: :D

And might I add one more-

Your wife's standard attire for parties, dinners, movies, religious functions, casual visits or even running an errand to the local grocery store is a kanjeevaram saree and a mini jasmine garden in her hair.*
:wink: :P

* Of course this is diminishing in case of today's generation.......!

[MrIndia]

You are a Tamilian Only if ......


6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India .


esp all nava-graha kovils :)

[ajithfederer]

As GoundeR Mani says for some of the facts here

Bloody Yindiyans :P

You are a Tamilian Only if ......

1-You arrive one hour late to a party and find out you are the first one to arrive.

2-You think it's perfectly normal to call someone who's 30 years younger than you 'anna' just because he's behind a counter.

3-You wear a suit to a wedding... and you are only 3 years old.

4-The wedding takes an hour and the group pictures take five hours.

5-Your mom and sister together own more jewelry than a Chinese jewelry store.

6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India .

7-You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house.

8-The second your guests leave the house, your parents start talking about them.

9-You rent a cassette from the grocery store, it's been dubbed 6 times... & you return it 3 months later.

10-You go to a Tamil Cultural program only to find one Bharathanatyam and six hip hop shows.

11-You are somehow related to every new friend you meet.

12-Your remote control is still in its plastic packet.

13-You get a 95% on a test and your parents ask What happened to the other 5%?!'

14-You stare at Tamil people when they walk by.

15-You see married couples kissing on TV but have never your Mom & Dad get within 3 feet of each another.

16-Your parents never address each other by name.

17-When you get your first part-time job, your parents expect you to give them half.

18-Your mother has a minor dispute with her sister-in law and doesn't talk to her for 10 years.

19-Your parents say Swiss instead of Switzerland , Germany is German and England is London .

20-you go to a party and your aunt comments on how your skin color has changed.

21-You watch a Tamil wedding tape and all the songs from Roja are dubbed in it.

22-When the teacher took attendance and there was a sudden pause, you put your hand up and said 'here.'

23-You shortened your name to make it sound Anglo.

24-You have dinner at 10pm.

25-When your parents say 'BBC' they don't mean the news station but your uncle Nathan or aunty Kamala.

26-It's normal for all the relatives to bathe the groom on his wedding day.

27-You KNOW that your promiscuous second cousin on your father's side is pregnant even before she does.

28-Your aunties tease you about a particularly eligible cousin... & you like it!!!

29-You serve all your guests tea with milk and 5 spoons of sugar.

30-You only stop putting more rice on your guest's dinner plate 7 times after they tell you to stop.

31-Anytime you speak back to your parents, you get: 'I toiled my life for you, and this is how you repay me?!' - 'Naanga eppadi khasta pattathukku nee
ithuvum solluvae ithukku melayum solluvae!'

32-If you are a girl, you are expected to come home before dark - however if it's a son, 'OK rasa, jaakirathaa poitu vaa...'

33-Halfway through your shower you realize that your Head and Shoulders shampoo is gone and has been replaced by Siyakkai shampoo.

34-You walk in to another Tamil family's house and they have the same furniture and dining set as yours.

Last but not least

35- You are a true tamilian if you forward this mail to another tamilian

[Wibha]

You are a Tamilian Only if ......


6-Your parents' idea of a vacation is to go down to the temples in India .


esp all nava-graha kovils :)

:lol:

all venkatajalapathy and shivan kovils :D

i fit into half of them so am i half tamilian :roll:

[NOV]

Beer contains female hormones :shaking:

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period.

It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects :

1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive..

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.

No further testing was considered necessary.

[Wibha]

:x :x :x :x :x that ain't one bit funny :x

[P_R]

Hilarious NOV :thumbsup:
Dunno where u get these ones :rotfl:

[crajkumar_be]

:rotfl:

[Querida]

:roll: :roll: :roll:

What's the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they get drunk!

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners? So men can remember them.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women? When it's time
to go back to childhood, he's already there.

What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.

Why are men like commercials? You can't believe a word they say.

What do men and women have in common? They both distrust men.

Why don't men often show their true feelings? Because they don't
have feelings.

A widower who had never missed his wife until she was gone went to a psychic to see if he could contact his late wife.
Arrangements were made and one dark night he finds himself talking to
her.
"Honey," he says, "is that you?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Are you happy?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Happier than you were with me?"
"Yes, my husband."
"Then heaven must be an amazing place."
"I'm not in heaven, my husband."

[crazy]

NOV :evil:

Q :lol:

[Wibha]

Q :2thumbsup: :rotfl: men and pigs :rotfl:

[ajithfederer]

:exactly: :rotfl:

Hilarious NOV :thumbsup:
Dunno where u get these ones :rotfl:

[Nerd]

Q :2thumbsup: :rotfl: men and pigs :rotfl:
Wibhs, its kind of circular because men turn into pigs after drinking something which contains female harmones ..
:rotfl: :lol: :rotfl2:

[Wibha]

Q :2thumbsup: :rotfl: men and pigs :rotfl:
Wibhs, its kind of circular because men turn into pigs after drinking something which contains female harmones ..
:rotfl: :lol: :rotfl2:

men don't drink only beer NERD :P :lol2:

[ajithfederer]

Nerd Freeaa vidunga.

Avangale andha joke-kku(??) kastapattu sirikuraanga :lol2:

[NOV]

:lol: guys and gals.
ok, here's a joke all can enjoy....

Men wearing Earrings

I have often wondered how this trend got started, I now have the answer. A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.
This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense."

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring, "he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."

[crajkumar_be]

:rotfl: :thumbsup:

[crazy]

:roll:

[app_engine]

http://dinamalar.com/Sambavamnewsdetail.asp?News_id=3413&cls=&ncat=TN

Above is the link for news item about the case involving electric fence around VK's home.

One of the readers' comments:
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Don't they know it is legal to put electric fences surrounding the living place of hazardous animal? (Ex.Dinosaurs)
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TN has a lot of Goundamani influence:-)

[Thalafanz]

The Hit and Run Case

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck
passed too close and completely tore the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.

Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."

"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."

"Ahhh!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

[Querida]

:lol: i'm gonna enjoy all the lawyer jokes now before my best friend becomes one!


The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

[Lambretta]

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.
Bit rich this coming from an English teacher! :noteeth: :lol2:

[rajraj]

Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. It's speaking English that kills you.

Q: No wonder there are too many diabetics in Tamilnadu ! :lol: They all speak English ( or what they think is English ! ) :lol:

[Murali Srinivas]

The Perfect Husband

There are several men sitting around in the locker room of a golf club. After a round, showering and getting changed for the 19th hole. Suddenly a mobile phone on one of the benches rings.

One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

(H - Husband, W - Wife)

H - "Hello?"

W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

H - "Yes."

W -"Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

H -"What's the price?"

W - "Only $1,000."

H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2003 models. I saw one I really liked. Its a SLK model. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year.

H - "What price did he quote you?"

W - "Only $65,000..."

H - "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

W - "Great! But before we hang up, something else...

H -"What?"

W - "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank
account and I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's for sale!! Remember? The one with a pool English garden, acre of park area, beach front property."

H - "How much are they asking?"

W - "Only $450,000 -- a magnificent price...and I see that we have
that much in the bank to cover..."

H - "Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid up to $420,000.

OK?"

W - "OK,sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

H - "Bye...I love you too..."

The man hangs up & closes the phone's flap. The other men are looking at him in astonishment and derision.

The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cellphone belongs to???"


keep ur mobile safe :)

Regards

[Murali Srinivas]

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Regards

[sarna_blr]

Murali sir.... ungaloda 2 Jokes'umE puriyala :roll:

[crajkumar_be]

Murali Sir,


The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cellphone belongs to???"


The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'


:rotfl2: ingEyum kalakkarInga :notworthy:

[crazy]

Q :rotfl:

[Querida]

:D good ones Murali Srinivas

An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard: "woman without her man is nothing". The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."

************************************************** **

The woman was in bed with her lover and had just told him how stupid her husband was when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband. He glared at her lover and bellowed, "What are you doing?" "There," said the wife, "didn't I tell you he was stupid?"

************************************************** ***
An Irishman had no idea his wife was having an affair, so he was mad with grief when coming home early one day he surprised her and her lover in the act.

He grabbed a pistol and pointed it at his own head, which made his wife burst out laughing.

"What do you think you're laughing at," he cried, "you're next."

************************************************** **
A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it."
"Sorry," replied the owner, but I can't sell you that."
"Why not asked the customer?"
"Because that's my husband."

[ajithfederer]

:rotfl: :lol: :rotfl:

The Perfect Husband


The husband raises his hand while holding the phone and asks "Does anyone know who this Cellphone belongs to???"

[NOV]

Computer Dependency Test


Here's a quick & very simple test for you to take. This just proves that we have become way too dependent on our computers.

Q: Is one foot longer that the other?

To find out the answer, look down...




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Look down, not scroll down!

[NOV]

Man: Is there any way for long life?

Dr: Get married.

Man: Will it help?

Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.

[NOV]

Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?

It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[NOV]

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[NOV]

It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives.

[NOV]

Man receives telegram: Your wife dead - should be buried or cremated?

Man: Don't take any chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes.