Calling Aunt Agony Aunties and Concerned Uncles

[NOV]

Just like in the normal world, Hubbers and their friends do have problems and are sometimes at a loss on what to do. Some people have PMed me thier problems, and my advice to them is a problem shared is a problem halved.

I would like to call experienced people to share their views and suggestions in this thread. We would expect them to be non-judgemental and largely tolerant of human weaknesses.

So, ladies and gentlemen come aboard and share your thoughts.

:ty:

[NOV]

I am a middle-aged working wife and have been married just over ten years. I feel my marriage is crumbling; my husband is never there for me and is always busy with his work and friends. We only get together to show off to the world that we are a happily married couple and besides that we could just very well be strangers. He does not care for me or my likes and has stopped being loving a very long time ago. He hardly spends time with our daughter and I have taken on the whole responsibility of the family.

Out of desperation, I have found a friend in my colleague, who is five years younger than me. We have met for coffee and I seek comfort from him over my domestic problems. We also keep in touch after office hours by messaging and telephoning. My husband doesn't know of his existence.

I know that this relationship is going nowhere, even though I have developed some feelings for him and I do feel it is mutual. His family is keen to get him married but he has managed to hold them off. In moments of desperation, I have attempted to end my life out of this feeling of hopelessness. I have no future and my present is completely useless.

People will tell me to live for my daughter. But what about me? Don't I deserve a happy life?

* all names are fictitious and to ensure complete discretion, all letters will not be in the original words of the author.

[chevy]

I am a middle-aged working wife and have been married just over ten years. I feel my marriage is crumbling; my husband is never there for me and is always busy with his work and friends. We only get together to show off to the world that we are a happily married couple and besides that we could just very well be strangers. He does not care for me or my likes and has stopped being loving a very long time ago. He hardly spends time with our daughter and I have taken on the whole responsibility of the family.

Out of desperation, I have found a friend in my colleague, who is five years younger than me. We have met for coffee and I seek comfort from him over my domestic problems. We also keep in touch after office hours by messaging and telephoning. My husband doesn't know of his existence.

I know that this relationship is going nowhere, even though I have developed some feelings for him and I do feel it is mutual. His family is keen to get him married but he has managed to hold them off. In moments of desperation, I have attempted to end my life out of this feeling of hopelessness. I have no future and my present is completely useless.

People will tell me to live for my daughter. But what about me? Don't I deserve a happy life?

* all names are fictitious and to ensure complete discretion, all letters will not be in the original words of the author. Isn't some one going to advise for Laxmi???

Well, I guess it'll be easy beginning to resolve the root cause. Get her hubby to give some time for family, if he wants one! :)

[pavalamani pragasam]

A classic example of the malady affecting young couple in modern times. After initial attraction the husband cools off, or seems to and the wife feels let down. But let us think practically. Everyone needs space, personal ambitions, preferences- even 2 people as closely related as husband and wife. It is in the genes of man to be ego-conscious, and it is in the nature of woman to be always in need of attention. Good training & sufficient intelligence will help both to keep these tendencies within reasonable limits. An exaggerated self-sympathy in the wife leads to make her restless & TACTLESS. Some men ARE like that-will not respond to angry or earnestly loving appeals. Trying to understand the husband's -often selfish, male chauvnistic, behaviour will largely contribute to coming to terms with reality & give strategical ideas to tackle him best, bringing him around to a certain amount of 'domestic' obedience. Flying into tantrums or breaking into hysteria on the part of the lady is not going to help. PATIENCE and TACT alone will help. To find solace elsewhere is easy & debasing! 'Gallant' men are aplenty to help ladies in distress- and 'such' distress. A dangerous route to fulfil one's mistaken 'losses' or to wreak vengeance on a mostly gullible, senseless spouse.
To the lady: Learn to be patient & intelligent. Loyalty to marital rules is a must for dignified human beings. Dissuade yourself from unrealistic, adolescent, bookish notions of 'romance' which will blind you to sincere love which is silent & runs deep without ostentation. The quantity of time spent together is not all, it is the quality of time spent together however small that might be is what is important. Grow up.
To the gentleman: You cannot afford to forget it is a 'live' person you brought home as a wife & not a doll or an automaton bought across the counter. Expectations are mutual. Duties are paramount. Marriage is a serious matter involving constant nurturing & maintenance. Never take things for granted. Do not make a wife's post a thankless job. Be more empathetic, more shrewd. In spite of the fact that a woman is a conundrum, she is also as easily tractable and docile as a kid or a pet- only you need to know the tactics. Be manly, masterly & attentive. Always feel a grip on her- it is easy for her stray!!!

[Anoushka]

Agony Aunt columns! :)

I am not sure if it works, because we get to hear only one side of the story!

Also I think loads of people who write to such columns have already made up their mind what to do and when someone supports them in these columns, they are happy and go "see, even they think I am right" and if they don't get support the say "they don't know what I am going through... blah ... blah... blah"!

But it is useful for some people who are genuinely seeking a solution!

[pavalamani pragasam]

It has become a star attraction in women's magazines & TV channels! Anoushka has hit the nail the head! It is more often a FARCE!

[Anoushka]

If I was in Lakshmi's shoes, I would not trust the "male" friend! There will plenty of guys willing to "help" you (like pp madam said), but how many of them are real?

Is there anything to prove that her friend will not turn like her current husband a few years later and ignore her completely? What will she do then?

To Lakshmi:

Try and find out what your interests are, go and do some course which will make life better for you. Spend quality time with your daughter and husband. Find out what your daughter and husband expect of you, and tell them what you expect of them. See what can be done to make things better without hurting your daughter's and husband's feelings.

You are worried about yourself, what about your daughter? What will happen to her? She is still dependant on you and your husband, is she in a happy home? Have thought of providing her a happy home, before thinking of your happiness?

What you need is a break. Go to your mother's place for a week or something like that. Talk to people who really care. Keep away from the male friend for a while. Think calmly what you have to do. Talk to your family (husband & daughter) how you feel about the situation. I am sure things will get better!

Good luck!

[rajraj]

I know mother Anoushka! :) I did not know there was an ' Aunt agony' Anoushka! :lol:

[Anoushka]

I know mother Anoushka! :) I did not know there was an ' Aunt agony' Anoushka! :lol: Raj uncle :lol: I am surely not agony aunt! As I said I don't beleive in those columns anyway :)

[NOV]

Excellent thoughts PP and Anoushka. :clap:
but PP, who is going to tell all these to the husband? Talking about such things between spouses is hardly "Indian."

As for the usefulness of agony columns, I think there is more to this than just the person involved. I believe there are 1000s others who also face similar problems. Won't these suggestions be helpful to them too?

And what about menfolk (among the readers) who are guilty of the same thing Lakshmi has mentioned. Won't bringing out issues such as these at least stir thier conscience and maybe, just maybe, try to amend their ways?

[pavalamani pragasam]

Nov, you have given the answer yourself: the menfolk who read answers in these columns can take the cue.

[app_engine]

>>Out of desperation, I have found a friend in my colleague, who is five years younger than me. We have met for coffee and I seek comfort from him over my domestic problems. We also keep in touch after office hours by messaging and telephoning. My husband doesn't know of his existence. <<

Confiding "problems with the spouse" to a member of opposite sex has often been a cause to marital disharmony and break-ups. Are there not friends of the same sex who can be close confidents? What about parents and such closer relatives with whom such things can be discussed? Was there ever a heart-to-heart talk on this matter with the spouse himself / herself?

I had a female colleague who developed the habit of talking bad about her husband frequently (didn't know what she tried to achieve, may be just venting off the frustration). Suggested to her to have an open talk with her husband himself on the seriousness of this matter and also told her I would love to meet him and talk to him if she wants to, being someone too much bent upon solutions rather than someone who'll simply give a "hearing ear".

Whether they've resolved their problems or not, the complaints stopped and I possibly escaped some unnecessary consequences.

Bottomline - talk to your spouse openly and freely about everything (ofcourse tactfully and keeping abuses apart). Just communicate!

[app_engine]

I voted for the 2nd point in the poll (talk to close relatives & friends) considering the spouse as the closest relative of any who is married. (They are one flesh;-))

I wish there was another option called talk to your spouse openly and specifically!

[app_engine]

>>Talking about such things between spouses is hardly "Indian." <<

Talking such things to a member of opposite sex is even "less Indian", illaya NOV?

[NOV]

Talking such things to a member of opposite sex is even "less Indian", illaya NOV?:lol:
ok, without trying to be too judgemental, in cases like this (and not necessarily in lakshmi's case) situation 2 happens first and then the justifying happens with the "realisation" of situation 1. I hope you know what I mean. 8-)

[pavalamani pragasam]

"Are there not friends of the same sex who can be close confidents? What about parents and such closer relatives with whom such things can be discussed?"

Very pertinent questions! But these disgruntled souls will not find sympathy, not favourable opinions from these people! But a guy will surely, readily lend a sympathetic ear/shoulder! Of course, there are exemplary gentlemen like app_engine who are rare & small in number not considered worthy by the ladies in distress!!!

[NOV]

PP and app_engine, is falling out of love a great crime?

[pavalamani pragasam]

Does true love ever fall out???

[NOV]

what is true love and how many ppl are gifted with it?

[pavalamani pragasam]

It is not a godsend or some such thing falling from the heaven. It is a virtue/value cultivated, nurtured, protected, preserved with diligence!!!

[Fridge]

Nov

-You stated that The lady wanted to kill herself. for a person to reach that stage one has to be very depressed. it is advisable for her to get to the root of the problem first, is it her marriage or something else.
-depending on the families we grow in, some women end up being very dependant on the men in their lives for everything, first the father, the brothers, husband. you alone are responsible for your happiness.
- sometimes we have to elbow our way in the world to get what we want, it could be the same in family life, after all we are all normal people and I am sure that when one gets into comfort zones like your husband is in now he will stay there till you nudge him out there to help with your daughter.
- someone mentioned "visit your mother for a while", i think it is great advise, while you are there get some cousins over, get a massage, facial, do your hair, paint your toe nails, watch a good movie and of course eat some good food.
- I am of the opinion that women and men can be good friends, But i think you are crossing the line. one can be open and seek advice from a male friend, i guess they can give you a man's point of view, but sms and calls secretly is a bit too much and ''seeking comfort''...no no....you are having the role of a damsel in distress and he is in the role of the hero.....in most tamil films that ends up in singing and dancing ..... is that what you are looking for?
- maybe you just want to vent out your frustrations make sure you stop at some point and start being positive again, I mean, that is if you want your marriage to work out.
- I have to get some sleep. good luck

[app_engine]

PP and app_engine, is falling out of love a great crime?

Ofcourse not! (Obviously here I'm trying to keep aside all my personal convictions / beliefs about marriage and get into objectivtiy:-) And this is based on the definition of 'love' as something romantic between two individuals of opposite sex and not other forms of 'love', say something like what a mother has for child)

However, as much proof is already there that there wasn't enough thought before entering into the original marriage, getting into another relationship (another "love"?) simply based on rush of emotions is not a great idea. It will probably be even less time before there's another "falling out of love". And it's not going to make any person happier which appears to be the objective of Lakshmi here.

Whether it's marriage or any other relationship, one has to think a little bit "before" getting into it rather than lamenting later on. Especially on this one point - what are the common goals of both (or in other words, what do we want to get out of this whole relationship)?

[NOV]

So, right or not, marriage is a one-way ticket with emotions reduced to a scientific formula. :lol:

More so, in the Indian context where more often than not, arranged marriage is an accepted way of life.

In conclusion, once you are married, work on your marriage as there is no alternative. If all fails, continue existing but not really living your life.
Never, under any circumstances, open up your emotions for another person.

[pavalamani pragasam]

What is 'living'? Definition, pleaase! Not bestial existence, gratifying the senses alone, eh? Humans are endowed with an extra sense. Why put it in disuse?

As for 'emotions for another person', am clueless about how they arise! Failure to learn the list of sins in childhood & to avoid them in adulthood!!!

[Punnaimaran]

This lady in discussion may have fallen for her colleague first and now may want to justify her stance as with most of the cases.

[NOV]

This lady in discussion may have fallen for her colleague first and now may want to justify her stance as with most of the cases.you have said in simple english what I had said earlier (in riddles ie) :D


ok, without trying to be too judgemental, in cases like this (and not necessarily in lakshmi's case) situation 2 happens first and then the justifying happens with the "realisation" of situation 1. I hope you know what I mean. 8-)

[pavalamani pragasam]

Shame on women who make a laughingstock of themselves bringing disgrace to the whole womenkind! :curse:

[Punnaimaran]

Nov,
Yes !!

[Bipolar]

Here comes the wise, experienced and knowledgable BIPOLAR - Fanfare please... :-) LOL!

Okay, Lakshmi says she has attempted to end her life... that is a bad sign... worrying... I would say she needs professional help... maybe talk to a psychiatrist or perhaps a professional marriage counsellor...

I totally agree with Anoushka's comments - we've only heard one side of the story... and even that's not complete... plus - I don't wish to be judgemental, but - it's possible that individuals who write to these columns don't really want to be told what to do, they just want to be told that whatever they have decided to do is the right thing to do...

There are many things that need to be considered -

It's possible that her husband feels exactly the same way as she does, but neither of them can bring themselves to talk about it...

Lakshmi complains that her husband is always busy with his work and his friends - is it that simple? Is he really just busy with his work and friends?

What exactly does he get from work and friends that he is not able to get from his wife?

What is his profession? What is Lakshmi's profession? How are they doing in their respective professions?
How is her husband performing professionally? Is he doing well, or is he dissatisfied and frustrated with his job? What are his aims, aspirations, ambitions?

How is her husband's relationship with his colleagues? Has she wondered, is there someone else in her husband's life? Was there anyone in his life, or her life before they got married?

Was their marriage a "love marriage" or an arranged marriage?

How long did they know each other for before they got married?

How long before they had their first child?

What exactly does Lakshmi get from her "younger colleague" - is he better at conversations than her husband? If she feels that her younger colleague has more time for her, well, how exactly does he have more time? Is he in a less-demanding profession? Or she his boss, and he a subordinate?

What exactly does she expect from her husband? Does she expect that her relationship with her husband should be like her mother's relationship with her husband (i.e. Lakshmi's father)? I think a lot of Indian women subconsciously learn from their parents, and expect their relationships with their respective spouses to be similar to their parents' relationship...

How is Lakshmi's relationship with her in-laws? Any problems there (is that the real problem)? Or is it better than her relationship with her husband?

What are his general views, i.e., is the kind of man who believes that a woman should be an obedient, unquestioning wife and homemaker, whose place is at home, cooking, and looking after the kids?

How much did they really understand each other? Do they know each others' likes and dislikes, their dreams, their ideals, etc.?



What attracted them to each other during the initial phase of their relationship? I mean, obviously she must have felt that he was a nice person at first - that's why she expects the same from him now - if she did not think he was such a nice person before, she wouldn't expect it now... Or, at least, he must have had some motivating factor at first, to marry her, but now there is no motivating factor to keep him being nice to her... What exactly has changed? I mean, she's saying the "spark has gone out" of their relationship... what was the "spark"? What was keeping the "spark" alive? Or was there no "spark" in the first place?

The experienced, wise and knowledgable Bipolar is leaving... Thanks for reading this, thanks for your time...

And to Lakshmi, I wish you all the best... everything will be fine... Take care.

[NOV]

Thanks Bipolar :lol:
You ask more questions than providing answers. :lol2:

My advise to Lakshmi:

Don't rock the boat. Temptations will always be there and the best stance is to stay away completely from anything that threatens to destabilise your life. Marriage is never perfect; every single day, one as to work on it. Communicate; your happiness depends on it. Don't think of your marriage as a burden - you can change it solely through your attitude. Get your husband involved in your life. Use force if necessary. You too must be involved in your husband's life. By all means give space to each other, but never be more than an arm's length away from each other. Guard your marriage with jealousy. And a final word (from Tamil movies): If you don't get what you like, learn to like what you get. :)
Best of luck.

[NOV]

Wedding Day Blues


I met Raja when both of us were in our teens. Religion was not a barrier for our relationship, more so since I was a free thinker. Our parents eventually found out about our relationship and agreed that we could get married. Raja's parents wanted me to convert and my parents agreed to it for the sake of my happiness. I have begun attending conversion classes too.

Now that the wedding is approaching, I am getting jittery and nervous. I really don't have any idea why I feel so confused and uneasy. Everyday seems like a torture to me. Please help me!

[pavalamani pragasam]

Woman's extra sense waking up! Too late or no? Love is blind in the sense it blinds us to many critical, vital, hard facts of life in general & day-to-day life. Life can never be a bed of roses. Challenges, sacrifices, compromises, disillussionments, fights, ingenuity, trials, temptations, achievements, proud moments & victories all wrapped together! Marriage, esp. love marriage should be approached with some maturity, some knowledge of what one is entering into. Situations, customs & rituals are abundant where one's personal choice is put to test. It needs a lot of courage to compromise or stick to one's view. It involves ego clashes which could be bitter, long-drawn & painful. All these must be taken into consideration before deciding to tie the knot.
You are doing your homework late! How strong are to face reality? What are your choices if you back out at this stage? That also can have bruising consequences in many ways, but might turn out wisest decision in the end. So it all depends on how willing, ready you are to live a life of known, self-wrought compromises, conflicts & disappointments.

[NOV]

:ty: PP. wise as always. :D

I did tell her that it is quite normal to feel jittery before marriage and most people in fact do contemplate calling it off. Getting married is a life long commitment and puts a lot of pressure on both parties. No one can be 100% sure and therein lies the challenge.

[Bipolar]

My view - if someone expects you to convert, then they clearly love their religion more than they love you - so don't do it - that person is definitely not the right person for you if they can't accept you as you are... especially, you describe yourself as a free thinker - by asking you to convert, that person is basically trying to control your thinking - they are telling you not to think so freely...

Did your boyfriend ask for his parents' permission before he fell in love with you?

And as PP ma'am said, it may be difficult to back out at this stage, but if you go forward with marrying this person, the consequences may be even worse...

Personally, I think that in such situations, the best solution would be for both parties to give up their respective religions - and if you truly love each other, you can do it - that would be the only way for both people to show that they value each other more than any small-minded belief system... (let me just say - I have NO respect for ANY religion - if that offends you, that's your problem) That's the only way to be sure that he will stand up for you if his parents start making further demands in future...

A guy who can't stand up for the girl he loves just isn't worth it... and if he just cares about his parents too much to disobey them, then he should at least have the decency to let go of the girl - in life you can't please everybody - some choices are difficult to make - you can't have everything - so it's not fair that he asks his girlfriend to convert just to please his parents - if he cares that much about his parents, he shouldn't be marrying this girl - he should have an arranged marriage...

I am sorry, I just cannot bear to see hypocrisy like this - this is not true love - if you have to convert, it's definitely not true love - and if you are a "free thinker", you will regret it later - so don't do it...

Your parents allow you to convert, for your happiness? They clearly love you deeply... so don't let them down... go back to them... they clearly love you for the person that you are...

I am very strongly against religious conversion (whichever religion you are converting from/to), especially for the purpose of marriage... if you have to convert, you are starting your marriage with a pretense - with a lie... so DON'T DO IT...

Oh, just by the way, in my previous post, I described myself as a wise, experienced and knowledgable person - let me just say, I was being sarcastic - I'm definitely not very experienced - still, I feel I can comment on some of these issues, because they have indirectly affected me (so in a small way, I am experienced...)

[app_engine]

Radha is hardly an "agony aunty":-) (I mean she's just a girl). Hopefully she'll never become one!

It seems to me that Radha was never serious about her own religion (and neither are her parents). It was just namesake. If they have never cared about their own (to me, "free thinker" means "not-attesting-to-all-beliefs-of-current-religion") and hence never cared to "study" about it, this new experience of "attending-classes" may be intimidating. However, it's not all that bad considering that she loves Raja so much to get into this exercise which won't go unappreciated by the boy.

While I don't support converting religion just to get married (without considering the beliefs seriously), I've seen 100's of such marriages succeed without any major issues. (Obviously because most people care nothing about religion except on special days and occasions which are not more than 10 out of 365 and hence choose to be flexible / indifferent / apathetic for just those days).

Still there are some important factors to consider:
1. Is she going to live in the same home with in-laws after marriage?
2. Is Radha employed currently or have the qualifications to do so in future, in case of a dire necessity?
3. Is Raja capable of supporting his family (him / spouse / future children) financially without any parental support?
4. Is there anything "so repulsive" or "shocking" taught in the conversion process or only routine stuff of knowing some history / principles / culture etc.

Answers to such questions are more important than the happenings on or prior to wedding day in such marriages.

[pavalamani pragasam]

app_engine, I understand 'agony aunt' is a well-meaning lady, loving like an aunt to the one who approaches her for counsel to relieve her of her agony- not as you seem to think! The person who comes with an agony is not the aunt but the person who tries to advice is the aunt!

[NOV]

yes of course PP is right. you go to "aunties" and uncles" when you have problems. :)

I dont know why most people's focus is on religion; I myself have no idea whether converting is her problem.

anyway, I know the answer to no. 2 of app's question. yes, she is working. altho for the life of me I dont understand how that is going to be any help in solving her problem. :confused2:

[app_engine]

PP & NOV,
ok, I stand corrected. (It's now obvious that I'm oblivious to such columns before:-) )

NOV, that's because in most marriages (within the same religion or inter-religion), after the wedding day most idealistic things take the back seat while economic conditions decide whether there is going to be less irritability day after day. If Raja & Radha can together bring in enough funds to run their family, the in-laws will have relatively less influence in things such as beliefs etc later on (this is based on my personal observation).

[pavalamani pragasam]

Yes, what Nov says is true! Even a wife bringing home a fat pay packet is not 'free' in this male chauvnistic world!

[app_engine]

>>I dont know why most people's focus is on religion<<

That's because in your brief description of this case, a large portion talks about religious conversion and one tends to assume that's her cause for getting jittery.

[NOV]

Honestly app, I have no idea one way or other. I was surprised that most ppls focus is only on religion.

[pavalamani pragasam]

The conversion matter is to be viewed as the tip of the iceberg!!! The girl rightly senses it!

[Lambretta]

While I don't support converting religion just to get married (without considering the beliefs seriously), I've seen 100's of such marriages succeed without any major issues. (Obviously because most people care nothing about religion except on special days and occasions which are not more than 10 out of 365 and hence choose to be flexible / indifferent / apathetic for just those days.)
:exactly: I agree!

Converting to another religion for the sake of ur wud-be doesnt make sense at all! If u dont mind loving sumone from another religion y not marry them being the same way? :huh:

If u expect them to convert to ur religion when it comes to marriage tat means it means more to u than ur beloved......in tat case better hav an rranged marriage w/ sumone of ur own community only! :roll:
:D

[app_engine]

Lambretta, while "falling in love" involves just the two of them, "getting married" involves two families (and may be more, if there are close relatives / strong local communities etc) in a typical Indian situation. So, regardless of the 'strength' of love between the partners, both will have to yield to some demands of the families if they want to continue in their good books.

I don't think yielding to some parental requirements is necessarily bad. However, one should make sure that it won't translate into a bigger entanglement for a longer period with unpleasant things.

[Roshan]

IMO no man(or woman) is worthy - compromising on your values and principles and sacrificing your belief system.

[P_R]

ஆறாம் நிலையை அடைந்துவிட்டேன்
என் நறுமலரே உன்னை தொழுதுவிட்டேன்
அந்தச் சூரியன் எழுந்திசை மறந்துவிட்டேன்

:P

[NOV]

Still there are some important factors to consider:
1. Is she going to live in the same home with in-laws after marriage?
2. Is Radha employed currently or have the qualifications to do so in future, in case of a dire necessity?
3. Is Raja capable of supporting his family (him / spouse / future children) financially without any parental support?
4. Is there anything "so repulsive" or "shocking" taught in the conversion process or only routine stuff of knowing some history / principles / culture etc.

Answers to such questions are more important than the happenings on or prior to wedding day in such marriages.

here r the answersI
1. No, I have told him clearly that i will not live with his parents.

2. I am financially independent.

3. Yes, he is the one supporting his family at present and he is ready to take care of me and his family..

4. Its not about religion. I'm not sure how to put it. As I dont believe in god, it doesn't matter if its religion A or religion B. But I am just confused.

Initially I did not want to get married and even after loving this guy for many years, I always had something about marriage. Now, there is a lot of pressure at home. If I go to some function the first thing they ask is when's my wedding and it's quite annoying. Now the date is fixed and I am already into taking classes. I don't think I can back out at this stage. Moreover I love this guy very much that I cant think a life without him, but...

When my parents were talking about my marriage, I gave them an ultimatium: let me get married to him or else pls dont talk abt marriage. As I am quite stubborn and adamant, they supported my decision. But I don't know now and I am very confused. It is not completely to do with religion - but something other than that. I don't know what it is but I am nervous.

[Shekhar]

IMO no man(or woman) is worthy - compromising on your values and principles and sacrificing your belief system.

Ha! Ha! :wink: I am not so sure Roshan.. It depends on Whether the Man is
Man +0
Man+car
Man+car+bunglow
Man in States/England/Australia
Man+plenty-already on the list for call from heaven

But seriously Roshan,
...man or woman, how many of us are truly sure of our values, and principles and belief system?
How many of us are clear enough about them to write them down?
How many have even evolved their own "principles" and "values" after validating them.
We are living on borrowed system without ever making an attempt to question and validate them. :roll: :roll:

[app_engine]

http://www.kumudam.com/magazine/Kumudam/2008-09-17/pg3.php

A different kind of problem. The report may be sensationalizing / exaggerating it, but considering the "capabilties" of our police, I won't be surprised if it is fully true.

At least I know of 2 cases personally (one in TN & another in Kerala) where fraudulent complaints related to family relations / bribe to police put innocent people in jail for a few days in addition to prolonged visits related to court / case, practically ruining their careers.

[a.singam]

Man in States/England/Australia


There is some one i know in good old Germany too :shock: