-
Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer. All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."
-
Bill and his father are out fishing and drinking beer. All of a sudden Bill says, "Dad, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over six months."
His father, silent for a moment, slowly takes a sip of his beer and says, "Son, you better think it over; women like that are hard to find."
-
A man asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"
The trainer replied; “Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"
-
sorry Params for the mokkai kadi!
ennadhAn Paramasivam vAzhkkaila kashtam vandhAlum avara Sirama Sivan nu kooppida mudiyAdhu :)
-
The Pilot and the Priest
A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '
The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.
Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.
'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?
'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.
-
For Goundamani Fans :
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART I
Kid1: (Exclaiming) Dei! Andha anna Gunfosys la vela seyyuraarda!
Kid2: Ennadhu Gunfosys ah!!!!!!!!!!!
Now I was confused as to whether they were sarcastic or genuinely appreciating my association with Gunfosys.
They started calling out my name.
Kid1: Narender anna! Nillunganna! Enga kooda cricket aadunga please!
Kid2: Dei! Enna nakkala? Avaru evlov periya ‘oppicer’u… Avara poi nammaloda cricket vilayada kooppudara?
I quickened my pace without turning back. But one of the mischievous guys pulled me by the hand and I had no other option but to stop and join them.
Narender: Seri da! Aana seekiram aadi mudikkanum! Enakku evening veetla neraya vela irukku!
Kid1: Appadi ennana vela?!
I was caught in a trap. How can I explain to him that I will be chatting with my girlfriend? I was very careful not to corrupt their minds. I believed kids of such a small age group should not know about dating, girlfriends, committed relationships etc.
Kid2: Vidra machi! Avaru yethavathu ponnoda cell phone la kadala poduvaaru! Namakku edhukkuda indha vambu? (Looking at me) Ennana! Ethavathu figure set aacha illaya?
I decided not to speak after that till the match was over. As usual the team I was in lost the game and my team mates were secretly cursing my inclusion for their downfall. I reached home and saw that a guest was waiting for my arrival. It was a lady of my mother’s age.
Mother: Itho avane vanthuttane! Dei Narender, ivanga ponnu Priya kooda Gunfosys la thaan vela seyyuraalam! Nee paathu irukkiya?
Narender: Huh… Priya va? Endha Priya?
Mother: Dei! Priya na endha Priya nu kekkura? Neeyum Gunfosys la thaan vela pakkura. Avalum Gunfosys la thaan vela paakkura. Appuram eppadi theriyaama irukkum?
I let out a big sigh. The guest who was apparently Priya’s mother was adding fuel to the fire.
Guest: Priya pa… Konjam tall ah iruppale…
What a description! How can I know a Priya in a corporate strength of 10000 in this division of the company alone? But I should know because she was also tall!
I couldn’t take this conversation anymore. Besides, I was tired. So I decided to play it safe and end the nonsense.
Narender: Oh! Andha Priya va! Enakku theriyume! Pona vaaram kooda food court la pathu pesunen.
Guest: Illiye pa! Ava pona maasame onsite poittale… Nee eppadi pesiyiruppa?
My mother gave me a glaring look. This idiotic guest has arrived for the sole purpose of spoiling whatever good name I have at my home.
Guest: Athu sari pa… Nee onsite pogala?
She was persistent to humiliate me in front of my mother. Endi… Onsite la enna koopta naan endi pogama irukken? Nee enga veetta vittu pogumpothu rotla ambassador car yeri saga pora paar!
Guest: Ennapa yosikkura? Pesaama company maariden!
Super. Ettaan class pass aagaathava ellam enna company maathiko nu strategic advice kodukkura!
Narender: Kandippa maaruven aunty! Seri Priya endha country poi irukka?
Guest: (With a big proud smile) Auz.
Narender: Auz na?
Guest: (With a sympathetic look) Australia pa!
OK. Enna rumba usuppethitta. Ippo paar!
Narender: Oh! Australia va? Usual ah Australia vukku irukkuradhulaye mattamaana resource ah thaan anuppuvaangale! En friend kooda, ‘Machi! Australiavukku onsite resource ah porathukku naakka pudingikittu saagalaam da’ nu sonnane!
Guest: (To my mother) Saringa… Naan kelamburen! (To me, with a ‘pazhivaangittiye da!’ look) Varen pa!
Ha ha ha… Asingapatta autokaari!!!
I still cursed she should be hit by an ambassador car on her way back.
One hour later, I received an sms from my girlfriend (Yes. I too had one. I will narrate that tragedy later)
Vidya: Hi dear! I am very upset.
Means Narender you have to ask me what my problem is.
Narender: Hey dear! What happened?
Means solli tholadi…
Vidya: My mother went to a visit a guest. On her way back, she was hit by an ambassador car L (Sad smiley included) She is in hospital now L L (Two sad smiley included).
Oops! Something’s wrong here!
Narender: Hey dear! Are you alright? Very sorry for your mother. Don’t mistake me for asking this at this moment. What is your elder sister Rubini’s full name?
Vidya: Rubini Priya. Why?
Narender: Where is she now?
Vidya: She is in Australia.
Aathaadi!!!
-
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART II
I disconnected the call citing signal disruptions. The next day Vidya messaged me.
Vidya: Hi dear J Can you call me now?
Why do girls always ask the guys to call them? If you ask them, they will give the universal response, ‘Mobile la etho problem pa. Outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu’
Narender: Why dear? Can’t you call me?
Vidya: Hey illa pa. Ennamo theriyala. En mobile la outgoing calls pogave mattenguthu.
Pudhusa nee vera enna solla pora? Anyway I called her.
Narender: Hi Vidya! How are you?
Vidya: Hi Naren! I am fine! How are you?
Romba santhoshama irukken! Unga amma inimel aduthavan kudumbathula kozhappam panna mattaa! Oh God! I was incredibly happy!
Narender: I am very sad dear! Your mother is in hospital illa?
Vidya: Hey no! She was discharged this afternoon. She had minor injuries only.
Narender: MINOR Injuries?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: What?!
Narender: I mean… Minor INJURIES?! Oh God! That’s very sad!
Vidya: Yeah! I miss you these days! LLL
Aama! Unga amma car la adipattu eppadiyo uyir pozhachi vanthirukka. Ippo ‘I miss you these days! L’ romba mukkiyama?!
In Gounder’s style, ‘Indha nerathula Avva Avva paattu avasiyamthaana?’
Narender: Me too dear!
The next few days were typical days of my office life. Did I tell you about my office? Well… I will describe it as time proceeds. For now, I will give a brief introduction.
Gunfosys has corporate divisions all over the world. Similar to 2012 predict! ions by scientists, top marketing strategists have predicted that 3/4th of earth’s population will be recruited by Gunfosys before 2018. Most of the offices will be very near to the capitals cities of the state. Say around 200km only. My office is very special to me. I enjoy travelling in the traffic-free road between my office and Chennai where my home is situated. I stay at home only. But the neighbors think I am an occasional visitor. The policeman on the street suspects I am a terrorist because I often get down from a cab late after midnight.
I hate to interact with any fresher in my office. There is a strong reason behind this. I will narrate you a conversation I had with a fresher.
That day, after a hectic schedule I was having tea at the food court when a junior from 2010 batch recognized me and started a conversation.
Fresher: (With a sad face) Cha! Manasukku rumba kashtama irukku na!
Narender: Enda? Project romba difficult ah irukka?
Fresher: Naan Project laye illa na! Athaan kashtama irukku!
Narender: Dei….
Fresher: Oru maasam bench la irundha parava illana… Moonu maasama irukken…
Narender: Thambi nee romba koduthu…
Fresher: (Interrupting) Moonu maasam bayangarama hard work pannaa Team Lead aagalaamnu Gunfosys Pre-placement talk la sonnaangale?
Narender: Dei niruthikoda!….
Fresher: (Interrupting) Bench la romba naal irundha fire panniduvaangalaa na?
Narender: Dei… Ennala mudiyalada!…
Fresher: (Interrupting) Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: Theriyaadhuda…
Fresher: Sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: Dei athan naan en vaayaala solla koodaathuda!
Fresher: Thayavu senji sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: Dei, inikku velli kezhama da! Naan solla koodaathu da!
Fresher: Anna please sollungana… Pathu varusham Gunfosys la vela senja ennana aaven?
Narender: PONAM aavada!
The fresher disappeared. Just as I finished my tea! my mobile phone rang.
It was my junior from 2011 batch. I had the contact in my mobile, but never messaged him after I finished college.
Oru varushama kandukaathavan, ippo enna thideelnu call pannuraan? Oru vela maathi call pannittano?
Confusedly, I attended the call.
Junior: Hi anna! Eppadi irukeenga?
Narender: Naan nalla irukken pa! Nee eppadi irukka?
Gradually the conversation became very mechanical. Payyan kadaiseela vishayathukku vanthaan.
Junior: Anna! Final year project yethala na pannurathu?
Narender: Huh?...
Junior: I mean, networking la panna worth ah na?
Narender: Thambi oru nimisham…
Junior: Naan ‘Advanced Networking Performance Improvisation With Superior Integrated Machine Language Operations Through Secure Versioning’ la pannalaamnu irukken.
Narender: Thambi enakku light ah thala valikka aarambikkuthu…
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana indha project ah pannaa campus recruitment la advantage kedaikkumaa nu theriyala…
Narender: Dei nee ellaya meeri poikittirukkada!
Junior: (Interrupting)But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With Advanced XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
Narender: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
Junior: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
Narender: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
Junior: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
I disconnected the call and took a tablet of anacin. ! Ever since I joined Gunfosys I always used to carry a couple of anacin tablets wherever I go.
My headache subsided. Peace returned in sometime. As I was about to leave the food court, my mobile rang again. It was Vidya.
-
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART III
Vidya: Hey dear! My sister Rubini Priya is returning from onsite!
Narender: Oh! That’s great dear! JJJ
Vidya: She is also working in your office only!
Athaan unga amma vathi vachittale!
Narender: Oh! Is it?! Great! Can you give me her number?
Vidya: Sorry dear! She doesn’t talk much with guys!
Number kodukka mudiyaathuna ‘mudiyaathu’nu sollu. Yen entha ponnume innoru ponnu number ah kodukkave maatraa?
Cha! Kadala podalaamnu number kettane! Miss aagiduche!
Narender: Oh! OK dear! No problem! I asked for emergency purpose only! Don’t mistake me.
Vidya: (To herself) Dei kedi! Nee emergency ku number kekkura aala? Unna pathi enakku theriyaathu? Kadala podurathukku eppadi alaiyuraan paaru! (To me) It’s OK dear. I will never mistake you!
I received another call.
Narender: Hey dear! I am getting another call. Will talk to you later! Bye!
Vidya: Bye dear!
I prayed it should not be my PM. I saw my mobile. It was my PM.
Narender: Hello.
PM: Can you come over to my cubicle?
Narender: Sure. In another five minutes.
I reached his cubicle after 20 minutes.
Narender: Kut Maarning Oppicer!
PM: Narender! We will have your appraisal this evening. Before that, I want to tell you, you are going to be working on PMA project.
Narender: Oh! What happened to the Project I was working on so far?
PM: The clients don’t think the application will be used by them.
Idha thaan naan project aarambikkurathukku munnadiye sonnane!
Narender: Oh!
PM: Unkooda Praveen iruppane! Bayangarama hard work pannuvaane! Enga avan?
Narender: Avan varala oppicer!
PM: Oh! Rombave hard work pannuvaan illa?
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
PM: Innikki namma intranet homepage la avan photo vanthirukkanume!
Narender: Innikki intranet homepage la avan photo vanthuchaanu theriyala! Aana nethu Hindu newspaper obituary column la avan photo vanthuchi…
PM: Hey! What are you telling man! Avan sethuttaana?
Narender: Aamanga oppicer!
PM: Oh God! This is serious man! Innikki avan project la deployment irukke!
//Gounder: Vadakkapatti Raamasaamy sethu poitaanda!
Senthil: Raamaasaamy ah! Avaru ungalukku panam kodukkanume!
Gounder: Tha!… Sethu poittaandanguren!//
Narender: Ayyo paavame!
PM: Cha! Nalla work pannathukku avanukku client kitta irundhu appreciation mail kooda vandhuchi pa!
Narender: Appreciation mail mattum varala… BP, diabetes, ulcer, appendicitis nu innum nerayave vandhuchi…
PM: Seri atha vidu. You will work with one Ms. Rubini Priya henceforth. She was actually transferred from another unit.
Narender: Rubini Priya?!.
PM: Yeah. I will send a mail regarding this. You can go now.
I went back to my cubicle. Just as I sat down and unlocked my desktop, my PM pinged me.
PM: Hey, what is the status of the project?
Status ah?! Project la pottu rendu nimisham kooda aagalaye!
PM: Contact Rubini Priya and start working on it!
Rubini Priya! Yaar ava? Eppadi iruppa? Yenna designation? SE ah? SS! E ah? TL ah? TA va?
I received an email from my PM sent to me, Rubini Priya and others concerned in my project.
On checking the properties of her contact, I discovered she too was an SE. I pinged her.
Naren! der: Hi J (Smiley included)
Rubini: hi (Smiley missing)
Narender: We will be working together on PMA project. Our TL is in Bangalore.
Rubini: o i c (Note the shortened form of words)
Narender: Did you read the email sent by our PM regarding this?
Rubini: s i red
Appuram enna thenaavattu irundha ‘We will be working together on PMA project’nu sollumpothu ‘o i c’nu solli iruppa?
Narender: I heard you returned from Australia and were transferred to our unit.
Rubini: J
When all a girl enters in the communicator window is a single ‘J’, it means ‘Pesurathukku vera onnum illa. Poi velaya paar’
Then I received an email from Anil, my TL in Bangalore. All members of the project were to be on the conference that afternoon.
Narender: We have a call this afternoon.
Rubini: hmmm
Narender: Shall we go for lunch together?
Rubini: hmmm k
Enna odane othukuttaa? Anyway I was terribly excited and pinged my friends to say that I won’t be joining them for lunch.
Narender: I have work. I won’t be coming for lunch.
Gubendra has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek has been added to the conversation.
Rakesh has been added to the conversation.
Naveen has been added to the conversation.
Jatin has been added to the conversation.
Abhishek: Endha ponnoda da kadala poda pora?
Narender: Dei. Kadala ellam podala da. Unmayilaye vela irukku.
Naveen: Enna vela?
Narender: Oru periya bug da. Ippo thaan paathen.
Rakesh: Ippo thaan oru puthu project la pottathaa kelvi patten? Athukulla bug ah?
Narender: Pazhaya project la bug da.
Gubendra: Seri ethana manikku saappuda pova?
Narender: Athu… Oru 2 o’clock aagidum
Jatin: Parava illa… Naanga wait pannrom… Nee bug ah solve pannitte vaa.
Enna wait pannuromnu sollraan? Eppadiyaavathu kazhandukanume!
After a lot of compulsion, they agreed to leave for lunch. Just then Rubini pinged me.
Rubini: hey sry yaar… hv lots of wrk… cant cum fr lunch…
Adi paavi! Ammavukku ponnu thappaama poranthirukkale! Ippadi kuttaya kozhappi vittuttu poitaale!
I silently got away to have lunch on my own. Without being detected I entered one of the lifts and reached the ground floor. The lift opened. The other lift opened too. My friends came out of that lift and gave me a ‘Figure kazhatti vittuducha?’ look.
Nobody spoke for some time.
Gubendra: Naren… Etho bug irukkunu sonniye da?
Narender: Athu vanthu…
Naveen: (Interrupting) Athukulla solve pannitiya machi?
Narender: Actual ah…
Rakesh: (Interrupting) Oru nimishathula solve pannitiya da? Really great da. You should get on the spot award man!
Enda yeriyura neruppula yennaya oothura?
Narender: Seri neenga ellam endha FC poreenga?
Abhishek: Nee endha FC pora?
Usually we all go to FC1 for lunch.
Narender: Naan FC2 poren da!
Jatin: Scene da! Naangalum FC2 thaan porum!
-
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART IV
I returned to my cubicle after lunch. Saappidumpothu evvalavu avamaanangal!
I saw that she was still online. I pinged her.
Narender: Hi. I just had my lunch.
Rubini: hmmm me 2
‘me 2’! ; ah? Adiye! Unna ellaam….
Narender: You said you had work?
Rubini: no yaar… it ws a smal issue… solvd it soon…
Pinna endi ‘hv lots of wrk’ nu sonna?
Narender: Oh! You said lots of work J
Rubini: lolz J
‘lolzJ’ ah? Poyi, B4 4th floor la irundhu keezha guthi!
Narender: Fine.
Rubini: srry yaar… don mistake me… v vil go nxt time fr sure…
Aaaniye pudinga venaam!
Narender: Sure J Can you come over here. We need to join the conference now. It would be good if we are together when talking to the Bangalore team.
Rubini: hmmm k
I gave her my cubicle details. She came after a few minutes.
Well. I wouldn’t say she was beautiful. But kind of OK.
After brief introductions, I connected to the bridge. Noise was heard now and then.
(Voice1): …lekin hum nahin…
(Voice2): ...abhi bhi ham karenge…
(Voice1): Jo sab kar rahe Khonference mein…
Ennada hindi padam title aah viduraanunga?!
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Vaibhav ek minute… Narendhra? Who else do we have on the khaal?
Narender: Rubini… From Chennai. Is this Anil from Bangalore?
(Voice1): Yeah. I have Vaibhav with me. So Narendhra…
Narender: It’s Narender Anil (fake laughter)
Anil: OKhay Narendhra…
Gounder: Pushpam!
Senthil: Puipam!
Their lines got disrupted. Obviously they were north Indians posted in Bangalore. I and Rubini were still on the call.
Voices were heard again.
(Voice1): … lethu raa…
(Voice2): …avunu. Ikkada…
(Voice1): …Conference lu who elsu?
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
(Voice1): Okka nimisham Raju… Hey Narendhar!
Narender: Hi. May I know who I am speaking to?
(Voice1): This is Venkata Ramulu and Vemulapalli Raju…
Narender: Oh! Are you from Hyderabad team?
Ramulu: No… We are from Trivandrum team.
OK. So they were people from Andhra Pradesh posted in Trivandrum. I always used to wonder why this mismatch happens. At this rate a Kerala guy would have been posted at Pune.
Raju: Our Team Lead will join us from Pune. But he is actually from Kerala only.
Nobody else was there, so I decided to take the conversation a little further.
Narender: Oh fine. Your name is Venkata Ramulu. Right?
Now that was a mistake.
Ramulu: No. Actually my name is Chandamalla Kotla Vempati Tulabandu Alluri Gaddam Yandamuri Srivatsa Venkatapathy Srinivasa ! Venkata Ramulu
Sabaa… Ippave kanna kattuthe! Ration card la irukkura pera ellam concatenate panni peru vachitaangalo?
Narender: Oh! Is there a short form for your name?
Ramulu: Actually, what I told you was the short form. The full name is Chandamalla Srigiri…
I asked Rubini to take over and went to the food court to have some strong coffee. With Anacin.
Ten minutes later, I returned to my cubicle.
Ramulu: ... Vanapalli Yellapragada Venkata Ramulu.
Appaada! What a relief!
Raju: My full name is…
Dei venaamda!...
Luckily, their lines got disrupted. There was a voice again. Looked like it was the Keralite from Pune.
(Voice): This is James Mariam Thomas (Read James Merriam Tho-mas) from Pune. Who are in the kone-ference?
Dei… Enthana thadava da intro kodukkurathu… Naan Narender… Ithu Rubini… Inimel yaaravathu ketta evana irundhaalum vettuven!
Narender: (Clearing throat) Ahem… Hi. This is Narender and Rubini from Chennai…
Thomas: Hello… Hi Nyarender and Reubini. Can we get started with the koll?
Narender: Sure Tho-mas… I mean Thomas…
Thomas: O-ver client is from O-stralia… Theyar O-peration is kome-pletely…
Soon teams from Bangalore and Trivandrum joined the kone-ference… I mean conference… By the end of the call, I took 3 Anacin tablets.
Just then my PM pinged me.
PM: Come here. We will have your appraisal now.
I went to his cubicle.
Narender: Sollunga oppicer!
PM: Namma Sin! City INK la Gunfosys ah kalaichu story ezhuthariyame?
Narender: Appadi ellaam illeengo!
PM: Hmmm… Irukkattum. Coming to your appraisal, I am going to give you CRR4
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style) He he he J So sad!
PM: Yennu kekka maattiya?
Narender: Yennu ketta mattum CRR1+ koduthuda poreengala?
PM: Therinjikko… You have just met the expectations.
Narender: Nalla vishayam thaana! Vera enna seyyanum?
PM: You should have exceeded the expectation.
Narender: Unga expectation ah exceed pannanumnu expect pannureengala? Appo rendu expectations ah yum sethu orey expectation ah club pannunga… Naan unga expectation ah meet pannuren…
PM: Why didn’t you attend the meeting last week?
Narender: Pannaathathaala companyku ethavathu loss ah?
PM: Nonsense! Our unit head came all the way from Chandigarh.
Narender: Enna paakkurathukkaagava Chandigarh la irundhu vandhaanga? Naan onnum andha alavukku periya aalu illaye!
PM: Stop it! Avanga onnum unna paakka varala!
Narender: Pinna naan vandha enna? Varalana enna?
PM: You had 12 single swipes last month.
Narender: (laughing in Suriyan Gounder style again) Namma company swiping machines ah pathi therinje ippadi kekkureengale!
PM: Look it this mail! There was an escalation in your last project!
Narender: Nalla paarunga… Athu naan project la join pannurathukku oru vaaram munnadi vandha escalation mail.
PM: You have attitude problem.
Narender: Ethavachi appadi sollureenga?
PM: You are questioning me. That’s an attitude problem.
Narender: Naan eppo ungala question pannen?
PM: You are questioning me again.
Narender: Sorrynga oppicer!
PM: Paper…
Narender: Innum konja naal la pottruven… Unga kitta yaar athukullayum sonna?
PM: Nonsense! Have you published any white paper?
Narender: Verum white paper ah ! ;eppadi publish panna mudiyum? Appadiye publish pannalum evan vaanguvaan? Bhaarathamaathaave! So sorry!
PM: Hey you! I meant white paper. Proven solution to a specific problem.
Narender: Enkitta yaarum vanthu, ‘I have a problem. Give me a solution’nu kekkalaye?
PM: Extra effort pottu pannanum.
Narender: Extra effort pottaa extra sambalam tharuveengala?
PM: Why are you starting by 5:00 o’ clock?
Narender: Yenna ella bussum 5:05 kulla full aagiduthey!
PM: Athilla man! You can stay back and work right?
Narender: Naan en velaya 5 o’clock kullaye mudichidurane!
PM: You should help with the migration of your application.
Narender: Naan application development team la thaana irukken. Migration team la il! lave illaye!
PM: You should take responsibility. We are working as a team.
Narender: Oh! Appo neengalum responsibility ah konjam share panni 5 o’clock mela stay pannunga. Onnave 10 o’clock cab la polam!
PM: Get out!
I came out happily. This time my PM took Anacin tablets.
-
ADVENTURES OF AN UNFORTUNATE OPPICER – PART V
When I came out I found one of my colleagues standing near as if waiting to console me. He got CRR1+ and it was very evident from the smile on his face that stretched from ear to ear.
Colleague: Feel pannatha machi!
Narender: Naan feel pannave illaye!
Colleague: Unakku yen CRR4 vanthuchi theriyuma?
Narender: Yenna enakku vara vendia CRR1+ endha tiffan box thalayanukko poiduchi… Avan mattum en kaila kedaikkattum… Aama unakku avan yaar nu theriyuma? Therinja sollu…
Colleague: (Gulps)
Narender: Seri… Yenna kaaranamnu nee nenaikkura?
Colleague: Nee daily 5:20 bus la pora illa? Athaan unakku CRR4 kedachuchi!
//Man outside temple: Thevaya unakku! Elani anju roobaikku vitha illa? Athaan unakku kushtam pudichiruchi!
Gounder: Dei! Elani anju roobaikku vithaa kushtam pudikkumaa? Appo black la arisi vikkuravan, javuli vikkuravan, governmenttu sotha yemathi thinguraven, ivanukkellam ennada pudikkum? Ettanaa poda vakkilaadha nai law pesudhu paaru!//
That evening, when I reached home, I found a guest waiting for my arrival. Once again it was Vidya’s mother.
She was bandaged on her head. I really felt sad for her. I wanted to wish her a speedy recovery.
Narender: Aunty, I wish you a speedy recov…
Guest: (Interrupting) Indhappa… Chocolate eduthukko…
Narender: Enna vishesham aunty?
Guest: Vishesham ellam onnumilla pa! Priya onsite la irundhu vanthuttaa! Ava vaangikittu vanthaa!
Narender: Oh! Thanks aunty!
Cha! Ivangala poi thappa nenachittome!
Perhaps she wasn’t that bad after all. I was about to have one bite of the chocolate.
Guest: Munna pinna foreign chocolate saaptu irukkiya pa?
Oye! Nee innum thirundhalaya?!
I tried to change the subject.
Narender: Rotla traffic romba jaasthi aunty… Athaan konjam late ah…
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam (referring to Australia) traffic eh irukkaathaampa! Priya sonna!
Narender: Veyyil vera ippo bayangaramaa…
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam climate romba cold ah irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
Narender: Nethu shopping malla….
Guest: (Interrupting) Angellaam shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkumaampa! Priya sonna!
I didn’t talk further and switched on the television. There was a mega serial running.
Guest: Paarupa! Ivlov thooram avamaanappattum avan, avanoda kudumbathukku help panraan paaru!
Narender: Yaaru aunty?
Guest: (Points to a guy in tv) Avan thaampa!
Narender: Enna panrathu aunty! Sila janmangal evlov thaan adi vaangunaalum thiruntha maatraangale!
She became silent for some time.
Guest: (Pointingexcitedly to a girl in the serial) Iva ivlov maasama enga poi irundhaa?
Narender: Yaaru aunty ava?
Guest: Iva thaampa villi oda ponnu! Ivanga amma romba kettava!
Narender: Appo oru vela onsite poi iruppaalo?
She was silent again for a long time. This time I could see her face twitching for revenge.
Guest: Athillapa! Aaru maasam munnadi vantha oru episode la iva kaanaama poittaa!
Narender: Aaru maasam munnadi vantha episode ah correct ah nyabagam vachirukkeengale! Great aunty!
Guest: (Smiling) Romba thanks pa!
Narender: Aana indha ariva neenga padippula kaatti irundheenganna innikku oru doctoraavo, collectoraavo aagirukkalaame?
She took the remaining chocolates that were in a zipper bag and moved towards the door.
Narender: Enna aunty! Athukkulla kelambiteenga?!
Guest: Illapa! Innoruthar veettukku poganum…
Narender: Yaar veettukku aunty?
Guest: Sundaram sir veettukku pa!
Narender: Avanga paiyyan Ashok nethu thaan Americavula irundhu vandhaan aunty! Enga veettukku chocolate eduthukuttu vandhu romba neram mokka pottaan! ‘Amerikkavula traffic eh irukkadhu… Amerikkavula climate romba cold ah irukkum… Amerikkavula shopping malls vithiyaasama irukkum’nu solli saavadichaan! Ivangalukkellam arive kedayaatha? Oruthar veettukku pona eppadi pesanomnu theriyaatha? Neengale sollunga aunty!
She slammed the door and left without a word.
My mobile rang. It was an unknown nu! mber. I picked it up.
(Voice): Hi na. Naan Ramesh. Unga junior. Gunfosys thaan en dream company… Eppadiyaavathu…
(Hi bro! This is Ramesh! Your junior. Gunfosys in my dream company. Somehow I should…)
I disconnected the call.
Dream company! Dream company! Dream company!
My memories took me three years back.
(Voice1): Dei maapla! Indha question ah paarra! ‘Train A is moving at the speed of 268 Kmph. Train B is moving at the speed of 129 Kmph. If a person travels in train A for 53 minutes and then in train B for ! 187 minutes what is the…’
(Voice2): (Interrupting) Dei problem ethuvaa irundhaalum firsttu irukkura units ellaathayum common unit ku convert pannanumda. Ippo nee…
(Voice3): (Interrupting) Ippadi ellaam question kekka maattanunga da… Inga paar oru SMS vandhirukku… Ippadi thaan keppaanga… ‘Gunfy aptitude question: I am an 8 lettered word. My first 3 letters form an animal. My 6th and 7th letters are the same. My 4th, 5th and 6th letters are…’
(Voice4): (Interrupting) Machi! Nee anga pesurathula thaanda irukku… Un confidence ah mattum thaan paappaanga! Athanaala nee…
2008 – Placement season.
(Voice1): Dei Narender enga da?
(Voice2): Avan oru mukkiyamaana matter aah senior oda phone pesikittirukkaanda!
A guy wearing round neck t-shirt and boot cut jeans was standing near the corner of the already crowded hostel room, talking to his senior over phone. That was me, three years back.
Narender: (Interrupting) But friends ellam ‘Intelligent Quotient Bandwidth Network Mapping With XML Utilization’ la pannu nu sollraanga!
Senior: Venaam da! Naan erkanave nonthu poi irukken!
Narender: (Interrupting) Neenga thaan Gunfosys la vela seyyureengale… Campus la indha project pannen nu sonna consider pannuvaangala?
Senior: Konjam porumaya iruda… Nee ethuvum panna ven…
Narender: (Interrupting) Aana naan implant training ethuvum pannalaye?!
The line was disconnected.