Printable View
A mother called her son one Sunday morning, to get out of bed and get ready for Church.
He replied "I'm not goin'"
His mother said "Yes you are goin', so get out of that bed."
He replied "Give me ONE good reason why I should go."
She replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons....
1. I'm your mother, and I say you're goin'.
2. You're 40 years old, so old enough to know better.
3. You're the Pastor, so you need to be there.
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church.
He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:
"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot. You're on my side".
A pastor was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age. The group surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked, "What are you boys doing with that dog?"
One of the boys replied, "This dog is just an old neighborhood stray. We all want him, but only one of us can take him home. So we've decided that whichever one of us can tell the biggest lie will get to keep the dog."
Of course the pastor was scandalized. "You boys shouldn't be having a contest telling lies!" he exclaimed. He then launched into a ten-minute sermon against lying beginning, "Don't you boys know it's a sin to lie," and ending with, "Why, when I was your age, I never told a lie."
There was dead silence for about a minute. Just as the pastor began to think he'd really gotten through to them, the smallest boy gave a deep sigh and said, "All right, give him the dog."
The Mother Superior calls all the nuns together. She then says to them, " I must tell you something very serious. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
A nun in the back responds, "Thank God! I'm so tired of Guiness."
So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care for you, what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. Your are allowed to shoot 2 senators and 2 representatives. Of Course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get 3 meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need! New teeth, no problem. Need glasses, great. New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered. And who will be paying for all of this? The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes any more.
ayyO paavam :D idhu pastor seasonaa :lol:
enna orae church vaadai... ramzan maasam?
A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying
"Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the farmer "No, we can't have services for an
animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
Muldoon said "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
Bank Manager: Ellarum engge bank le loan edunge.... engge bank interest illame loan kuduppom.
Customer: Kudukerathum kudukeringe.. athe santhosema tan kudukelam le... yen interest illame kudukeringe???
================================================== ================
Tadika student 1: nambe teacher cigarette pudicha cancer varum nu sonnangele athu unmaiya da???
Tadika student 2: illeda nambe teacher nambele april fool panraange. cigarette pudicha pugai tan varum...... epdi da cancer varum.....
================================================== ===================
STUDENT: sir parunga en thalaila oru erumbhu yeruthu...
SIR: adha yenda enkitta solra?
STUDENT: neenga thanae sonninga, en mandaila onenumae yerathunu..
================================================== =====================
Teacher: Dear students ellarum future le padichu mudinchu appuram enna panne poringe....?
Students: Book'eh moodi vaikelamnu irukom teacher!
================================================== ==================
MAN 1 : Un paiyan appadiye unne urichi vacci poranthurukan da..
MAN 2 : Nathari.. methuva pesuda.. avan pakkatu vidtu paiyan!
================================================== ======================
Ennathan veedu, vaasal, sottu, bangla, tottam nu rich'ah vaalnthalum TRAIN erena oru naaliku platform'ku vanthu tan agenum!
I yam bored. Let me try a homemade joke, a dig on this thread's title.
-------
Dude A: They say an apple a day will keep the doctors away.
Dude B: You kidding me, right?
Dude A: No, it's true. I'm serious.
Dude B: Okay, I'm getting a basket.
Dude A: Ah, anticipating some disease are we?
Dude B: No, my wife is doctor.