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Received a forward from a friend.
This is a story about farting . . .
... and about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning, when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife, and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
Every morning, she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it, and that it was perfectly natural. She tole him to see a doctor. She was concerned that one day, he would blow his guts out.
The years went by, and he continued to rip them out. The, one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner, and he was upstairs sound asleep - she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.
She took the bowl and went upstairs, where her husband was sound asleep, and gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his pjs, and emptied in the bowl of turkey guts.
Some time later, she heard her husband awaken with his usual trumpeting - which was followed by a blood-curdling scream, and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.
The wife could hardly control herself, as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture, she reckoned, she had got him back pretty good.
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained pjs, with a look of horror on his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter.
He said, " Honey, you were right. All these years you have warned me, and I didn't listen to you."
"What do you mean?" asked the wife.
"Well, you always tole me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today, it finally happened.
"But, by the grace of God, with some Vaseline and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in.
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Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New
York . Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born
and raised in India ?'
Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'
When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'
The waiter said, 'I wont be knowing, but I will ask the Chef .After
he returned from the kitchen a few minutes later and said, 'No sir,
no Indian Jews.'
Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'
The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the
expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.
While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to
believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered
everywhere.'
The waiter returned and said, 'The Chef and the Captain my boss and
they all say there is no Indian Jews.'
'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there
are no Indian Jews!'
Listen you Mutal (means 'stupid' in Tamil!) Idiots , I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter.
'All we have is Mango Juice, Pineapple Juice, Orange Juice, Coconut Jews
& Tomato Juice! - No Indian Juice
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https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.n...19830531_n.jpg
A man & a woman who never met before, find themselves on upper & lower berth of a long distance train.
At 2 am, Man leans over saying,"Ma'm, sorry to bother you, Would you be kind enough to give me a 2nd blanket from the side table. Its awfully cold.
"I have a better idea",she replied,"Just for tonight, why don't we pretend that we are married !!
"Great idea Madam.". He replied in excitement.
She says,"Well then Get up & take it yourself."
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