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A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
"Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained.
"She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening."
"Ever since we got married, my wife has tried to change me. She got me to stop drinking, smoking and running around until all hours of the night. She taught me how to dress well, enjoy the fine arts, gourmet cooking, classical music, even how to invest in the stock market," said the man.
"Sounds like you may be bitter because she changed you so drastically,"remarked his friend.
"I'm not bitter. Now that I'm so improved, she just isn't good enough for me."
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?...-.
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Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."
A wealthy man sat in his attorney's office."Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer asked.
"Give me the bad news first."
"Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars."
"That's the bad news?" the man asked incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news."
"It's of you and your mistress."
A young man excitedly tells his mother that he has fallen in love and wants to get married. "Just for fun Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one is the woman I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women to the house and seats them on the couch.
He turns to his mother and asks,"Okay, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The woman in red saree in the middle."
"That's amazing Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."
A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"
On his way out of the local temple, Guna stopped at the door to speak to the priest.
"Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profit from the mistakes of another?"
"Absolutely not!" replied the temple priest.
"In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd consider returning the thousand dollars I paid you to marry my wife and me last July."
"I was in a very generous mood today," a woman says to her friend.
"I gave a poor beggar Rs100."
"That's a lot of money to give away," says her friend. "What did your husband say?"
"He said, 'Thank you'. "
My mother-in-law was bitten by a dog yesterday.
How is she now ?
She's fine. But, the dog died.