20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.
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20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs.
Grandpa: "Go hide. Your teacher is here because you skipped school today!"
Boy: "No you go hide. I told her you were dead!"
Boy: ( calls 911 ) hello I need your help!
911: What is it?
Boy: Two girls are fighting over me!
911: -.- So whats the problem with that?
Boy: The ugly one is winning.
Things I never learned in School:
1) how to do taxes
2) anything to do with banking
3) how to do loans for college
4) how to buy a car / house
5) how to jump start a car
but I'm so glad I know the Pythagorean Theorem.
Cute girl: How much is this bag?
Salesguy: Just three kisses
Cute girl: How much is that bag?
Salesguy: Eight kisses
Cute girl: OK, I will take both. Dad will pay.
Salesguy: Oh shoot
Everyones keeps teasing me about being so damn lazy. I just can't do this anymore. I think I'm just going to kill myself.
But the gun is like... way over there.
I got some Chinese symbols tattooed on my arm that reads, "I don't know, I don't speak Chinese".
So when someone asks what it says...
Ever want to say "I don't know" without sounding stupid?
Say this:
I hesitate to articulate in fear I may deviate upon the highest degree of accuracy.
Hubby: What do you want for your 40th birthday?
Wifey: Nothing will make me happier than a diamond ring
And since, he wanted her to be happy, he got her nothing.
p/s: visiting hours at the hospital he has been admitted to is from 5pm to 8pm.