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Marriage proposal in 2013:
Mike: I'm not rich like Raj, I don't have a big house like Raj, I don't have a BMW like Raj, I'm not as good looking as Raj but honey I love you!
Jaya: I love you too - now give me Raj's number.
A woman looking in the mirror, said "I like to look at my lovely young complexion and attractiveness, do you think that's vanity?"
Her husband said, "no, just your imagination!"
Mr Sivam gets into work late for the 5th time in five days and his boss says: "OK Sivam, what's the excuse today? "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
"I'm very sorry boss," he says, "everything went wrong this morning, my wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes but we got stuck in traffic. I didn't want to let you down so I got out of the car, knocked a policeman off his motor bike, stole his bike and raced through the streets to the station with siren screeching, the train was just pulling out of the platform so I ran after it and jumped on the back, I clung on at speeds of 100mph for 30 minutes but it didn't stop in the station so I jumped off on the viaduct into the swollen river and swam through raging torrents, got out of the river and grabbed a passing fire engine, clung on for dear life and it dropped me off here - and here I am - look, my suit's still damp!"
"You'll have to do better than that, Sivam," said the boss, disappointed. "That's unbelievable, no woman can get ready in ten minutes!"
A man in the sleeping car train ordered one of the attendants, "I have to be off at Trichy, I'm a heavy sleeper (no pun intended!), but I must get off there. I want you to put me off, whatever I say."
The next morning he woke up at Cochin!
Extremely annoyed he found the attendant and gave him a piece of his mind. After he had left, somebody asked the attendant, "How could you stand there and take that kind of talk?"
"That's nothing!", replied the attendent, "you should have heard the guy I put off at Trichy!"
Jay wanted a job as a signalman on the railways.
At the job interview the inspector asked him this question: "What would you do if you saw two trains heading for each other on the SAME track?
Jay said: "I would put all signals to danger"
"What if they were going too fast?", asked the inspector.
Jay said," I would switch the points for one of the trains."
"What if the lever broke?", asked the inspector.
"Then I'd dash down the signal box steps waving a red flag", said Jim.
"What if it blew away in the wind?" asked the inspector.
"Then I'd run back into the signal box & phone the next signal box."
"What if the phone was engaged?"
"Well.....in that case," persevered Jay , "I'd rush down out of the box & use the public emergency phone at the level crossing."
"What would you do if THAT was vandalized?"
"Oh well, then I'd run into the village and bring my son."
This puzzled the Inspector, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash!!"
A man ordered a chicken meal at a restaurant. When it arrived, he found something odd and summoned the waiter.
"Why is this chicken's one leg longer than the other?"
The waiter replied "Do you want to eat it or dance with it?".
A couple were dining in a fancy restaurant when the waitress spots the man sliding under the table whilst the woman seeming totally unconcerned.
As he slid completely under the table, the waitress went across and quietly whispered to the woman "Excuse me but your husband has just slid under your table"
"Oh no he hasn't" said the woman, "he's just walked in."
NOV., I vote this The Best A-Quip Joke of 2013 - unless of course you are intending to override it with a better one before the year ends!Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV