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Not true. Another ritual or custom will be invented to sustain male domination. Can you destroy a plant just because it has lots of weeds growing around it. Pull out the weeds and not the plant.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilaba
If the dowry system can be eradicated in Europe, it can be done in India also.
Varathatchanai kodumai?? mmmmmmmmm
Is it really kodumai or does it exist because girls are trying to marry above their status/wealth. All said and done the world is mostly about money. How many post graduate girls are willing to marry a +2 failed jobless man who has no soththu or even a post graduate with no job/soththu? Everybody tries to climb the social money ladder by either marrying money, job or dowry. In that sense, girls are equally guilty of soththu or velai or visa kodumai like men are guilty of varathatchanai kodumai.
Are all marriages upwardly mobile? Many families actually become downwardly mobile after marrying off their daughters. How can you blame only girls when its actually the families that are arranging the marriage.Quote:
Originally Posted by MazhaiKuruvi
Are marriages between equals devoid of dowry?
Dowry is a social custom that was invented to empower women in days when women were not on equal footings with their male counterparts. It has been wrongly utilized and has aided and sustained male domination.
And now women are blamed for bringing all this upon themselves.
Its IMO similar to the Taliban policy of wearing the viel. ' Don't blame men for eve-teasing and other :evil: things. It is the women who are tempting them by not wearing the veil. If women wear the veil, why would a man be tempted to do all the :twisted: things he does.'
:idontgetit:
How come women end up taking all the blame for the evils penetrated upon them.
mazhaikuruvi..
its not necessary for a girl to marry a jobless boy just to show that she is not behind money.
She can marry him only if she loves him so that his status is not going to be a hindrance for their journey together.
Jilaba..
male chauvinism appdinnu oNNu irukku enbadhaRkAga female chauvinism enru onRai uruvAkka vENdiyadhu anAvasiyam.
The world is changing. Future generation kitta azhuthamAga solla vENdiyadhai solli manadhil padhiya vaithAl pOdhum.
pazhikku pazhi... :angry2: revenge.. :rant: idhellAm TV serialukku mattum irukkattumE ! :P
Jilaba neenga neraya TV serials paakureenga pola :lol2:
I dont think that male chauvinism exist a lot. I certainly feel that in certain family female chauvinism exist too....!
Chumma pazhaya kadhya pesitrukaadheenga...almost all literates here gives equal importance to his partner! 8-)
So, you clearly accept that, males are always thinking and inventing new methods & ways to dominate the ladies always. They will never allow ladies to live peacefully. The main way for their domination is 'marriage'. First it should be deleted from the society. Males will will never do such deletion. So, the females must boycot marriages and should stand in their own legs, without the support of any male dogs.Quote:
Originally Posted by dsath
Pazhaya kadhai illai ss. Just read thru this article which says that two third women face domestic violence in India. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Sanguine Sridhar
http://www.expressindia.com/fullstory.php?newsid=56501
Jilaba, there is no denying that India is a male dominated society. Let me try my argument with a relative and valid example.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilaba
Sati was a cruel custom. If Raja Ram Mohan Roy went by your policy - women stop marrying - no marriage, no widows and hence no sati. Sati abolished - everyone happy !!!!! . If that was the case then we would not be living now to tell the story of successful sati abolition.
If women stop marrying now, there won’t be any future generations to tell the story of successful dowry eradication.
Sollunga ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilaba
neenga enna census specialist aaa ;-) kodila onnu, lakshathula oruthanga, aayirathula onnu nnu cinema dialogue maadiri solreenga ;-) indha one in thousand kadhai ellam malai eri poyaachungo........ every learned individual has learnt to give respect to their partner .... seri unga paani la sollanum nna every other person :-) neenga dhaan partnership vendam nnu solreengale ....
Kalyanam vendam nna ..... ofcourse.... u have the right to choose that :-) ofcourse to propagate that :-) and even live by it .... unga pakkam nyayam nnu ninaikkardhai sollunga ... every person has their right to speak :-) but eduthukkiravangalai force panna mudiyaadhu .... that is their will :-)
Varadhatchanai kodumai ...... endha kaalathula nga irukkeenga .... ippo ellam MARRIAGES la OPENLY " DO NOT BRING GIFTS, MANAMAKKALAI AASIRVADHITHAL PODHUM" nnu poduradhai neenga paathadhillayaa .... gift kku kooda - also boys parents arent asking for anything ......... penn oda appa amma kalyana selavai seivaanga - probably tats happenning in some places coz adhu avanga ishtam .... ethanayo love marriages nadakkudhu ;-) anga ellam beramaa nadakkudhu ?????
u are too generalizing ..... naanum generalize panna virumbala .....
adimai paduthraanga nnu solreenag ... appadi onnu nadandhaa en paathukittu summa irukkeenga .... adiyoda ozhikkavendiyadhu unga kadamai illayaa !
This article by Swapna Majumdar is a must read for everyone who think that educated men treat their wives equally.Quote:
Originally Posted by bingleguy
http://www.womensenews.org/article.cfm/dyn/aid/1591
Some quotes from the article
Quote:
While the findings are not new, the study has incubated a new round of debate about the cultural underpinnings to domestic violence, especially in India, where the study found a woman's risk of being beaten, kicked or hit rose along with her level of education.
Quote:
According to the 2002 study, 45 percent of Indian women are slapped, kicked or beaten by their husbands. India also had the highest rate of violence during pregnancy. Of the women reporting violence, 50 percent were kicked, beaten or hit when pregnant. About 74.8 percent of the women who reported violence have attempted to commit suicide.
Quote:
researchers found that the highest rates of sexual violence were among highly educated men. Thirty-two percent of men with zero years of education and 42 percent men with one-to-five years of education reported sexual violence. Among men with six-to-10 years of education--as well as those with high-school education and higher--this figure increased to 57 percent.
A similar pattern was seen when the problem was analyzed according to income and socioeconomic standing. Those at the lowest rungs of the socio-economic ladder--migrant labor, cobblers, carpenters, and barbers--showed a sexual violence rate of 35 percent. The rate almost doubled to 61 percent among the highest income groups.
Quote:
Activists felt that for intervention strategies to succeed, attitudes about violence would have to change and the level of awareness, among both men and women, about the negative impact of violence had to be raised.
dsath ....
so u mean, wat i meant is wrong ?????
u mean to say, WOMEN are silent and always on the receiving end ...... seri .... ippadi irukkattum .... tell me a solution ..... lets see wat do u have in ur mind ....
The answer to your original question is in the article itself.Quote:
Originally Posted by bingleguy
Women are not remaining silent anymore within the families and that is the reason for increased domestic violence in educated families. In fact the women based NGOs face a tough time reaching/helping middle class and upper middle class women, as they don't want to come out in open. They fear for the family honour and their reputation.Quote:
Kumud Sharma of the Centre for Women's Development Studies in New Delhi traced the correlation between education and domestic violence to patriarchal attitudes. "Educated women are aware of their rights," she said. "They are no longer willing to follow commands blindly. When they ask questions, it causes conflicts, which, in turn, leads to violence. In many Indian states, working women are asked to hand over their paycheck to the husband and have no control over their finances. So, if they stop doing so or start asserting their right, there is bound to be friction."
ys ... this is wat even i am trying to say .... i never said that CHAUVNISM is never there :-) adhu irundhudhu, irukkudhu .... but these days it has changed a lot .....
my question also is ....... wat is the use just talking about it ..... makkalukku poi seranum illayaa ????
i am aware of wat i am ..... so most of the thoughts would come as ...... what i think ..... about this .... wat i would do about this .... Quoting articles can just be references ... i wanted UR opinion ..... wat do U think about this :-) What are U goin to do for this :-)
so tell me how is the society gonna fight this ? THE SOLUTION ....
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Originally Posted by dsath
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Originally Posted by dsath
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Originally Posted by dsath
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Originally Posted by madhu
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Jilaba, your vehement hatred of 'marriage' makes me ask you one question? Are you advocating celibacy for women or 'living together' without formally getting married??? :roll:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jilaba
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Originally Posted by dsath
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huh :roll: :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by pavalamani pragasam
:( :( :(Quote:
Originally Posted by dsath
bg, this is the solution, quoted by dsath:
"Activists felt that for intervention strategies to succeed, attitudes about violence would have to change and the level of awareness, among both men and women, about the negative impact of violence had to be raised"
Jilaba maathiri kalyaaNam vENdaam, kalyaaNam vENdaam-nu solRathu is not the solution. Male & female chauvnism irukkaannu aaraaychi paNRathum waste! Let us create an awareness in our children as they grow up about mutual respect between the sexes. Catch them young. And let the elders set an example of loving humanity, both men & women equally. Let us strive to make life more meaningful, more satisfying, more respectable, more beautiful & more worthwhile!
Ys .... and this is happenning in the current generation is wat i say PP maam :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by pavalamani pragasam
indha vendam pathi naan pesaadhadhukku kaaranam ... :-) avanga opinion sonnanga ...avvalavudhaan ... adhukku badhi dsath sollitaanga :-)
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And let the elders set an example of loving humanity, both men & women equally. Let us strive to make life more meaningful, more satisfying, more respectable, more beautiful & more worthwhile!
oh! bayangara sooda irukku inga. ippOthAn etti pArthEn :)
So many posts but special kudos to dsath for all her sensible responses :clap: :clap: :clap:
As a person who works for an NGO - which focuses mainly on Women and Women's Rights - I agree completely with what you have said here. Domestic violance in middle and upper middle class families is a very serious issue and as you said comapratively it's very difficult to reach the above sect due to the reasons mentioned by you. We recently conducted a research throught out the Island and published a citizen's report on Violance Against Women and the problems we came across were mostly in the middle and upper middle class families.Quote:
Originally Posted by dsath
I also would like to add - that Violance Against Women or domestic violance or anything that is called violance doesnt mean ONLY physical violance/abuse. That's just a part of it and there's much more than what people think. It needs lot of time, effort, and a broad mind and a heart to understand the whole picture. Most of us infer from what we see in our families and the small world around us. There is much more than what we see and experience.
From my side too :-) :clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap:Quote:
Originally Posted by Roshan
Well BG the implied meaning of the quote is that women are raising their voice and a whole generation is suffering silently for the ‘independence’ granted to them. Hopefully, the next generation will be better off with the foundation laid by the current generation. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by bingleguy
As for me as an individual, i am afraid i am not doing as much as i can. I used to do some NGO work 7 years back. Now i donate money to charity organizations.
The whole point is almost everyone of us will know of, atleast one instance of domestic violence or dowry and still we cannot do anything abt it. For a start we can atleast acknowledge that these things are happening and there is a long way to go. The first step towards solving a problem will be to accept the existence of the problem. If we deny its existence, how are we going to resolve it.
:yes: We should be proud & happy to have hubbers like dsath among us! :2thumbsup:
[quote]The whole point is almost everyone of us will know of, atleast one instance of domestic violence or dowry and still we cannot do anything abt it. For a start we can atleast acknowledge that these things are happening and there is a long way to go. The first step towards solving a problem will be to accept the existence of the problem. If we deny its existence, how are we going to resolve it.[/quote]
Very TRUE :clap:
GREAT !!!! :clap: :notworthy:Quote:
Originally Posted by dsath
is there any kind off survey available..
1)how many men beating their wife have sisters. :?:
avanuku oru thangatchi/akka irrundha ippadi ellam panna maataaan.
also they are not raised properly by their parents.
i would accept 5 to 10% men are naturally like this.. with short temper.
rest ellam vetti bandha.. oru adi thirupi adicha.. saathindu olunga nadanthukuvaanga..
those who are happy and successful wont be doing like this.. vera engaiyo prachana atha avinga wife kitta kaamikaraanga
:evil: :evil:
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by kb
correct a sonneal :D
Thanks PPmam, Roshan and BG. :)
I think appreciation should go to people like Roshan who work to make positive changes in our society.
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Roshan, it is indeed a great humanitarian service to work for a NGO. People like you are the ones who are making a real difference. :thumbsup:
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2: Kaamalai kannuku kandathu ellam manjal... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Jilaba
:thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by pavalamani pragasam
:clap: @ dsath...
:yes:Quote:
Originally Posted by dsath
:clap: :clap: :clap: :notworthy: @ Roshan
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by kb
Thanks dsath and Dev :notworthy:
But nAnga paNNuRathellAm kaiyyaLavuthAn - innum kadalaLavu pirachinaigaL niRaiya uNdu :( :cry:
kb,
As I have already said - Gender Based Violance is not necessarily physical abuse. There's much more than that :cry: :cry: and people need to learn and understand. It is every individual's moral responsibility.
Media can play a vital role in creating an awareness about this. It is a very powerful & far-reaching tool! Just imagine the effect the heroine of 'Puthumai peN' created! What wonderful dialogues, what climax, what message! New generation woman should have the guts to face & confront sadists & male chauvnists who have had a long reign with their base qualities, the most despicable samples of that sex! Woman has been taken for granted for too long! :evil:
Woman
For every strong woman
tired of faking "weakness"
there is a man
tired of faking "strength"
For every woman
tired of faking "foolishness"
there is a man
tired of having to act as a "model of wisdom"
For each woman
tired of being labelled as an
"emotional female"
there is a man
who has been denied
the right to cry and be sensitive
For every sportswoman
whose femininity is questioned
there is a man forced to compete
inorder to give testimony of his virility
For every woman
tired of being considered a
"sexual object"
there is a man concerned about
his sexual performance
For every woman who has
not had access to a degnified salary
there is a man forced to bear the
economic burden of another human being
For every woman who ignores the
"secrets of car mechanics"
there is a man who doesnt know
how to "boil an egg"
For every woman that
steps towards her freedom
there is a man
who rediscovers the road to liberty
The human race is a two wing bird
one wing is female
the other is male
Unless both wings are equally developed
The human race will not be able to fly !!
Some facts ...
Women and girls are the poorest of the poor because of the extreme forms of discrimination that persist in many parts of today’s world.
Women are often not allowed to own property or keep the money they earn; as farmers they get the most marginal land and as workers they are trapped in the worst jobs for the least pay. More girls than boys are denied education.
Men still have a monopoly on decision-making at every level from village councils to national government, so even when policies are introduced to help the poor, they often ignore the needs of women.
Men’s power over women often costs women their lives. Women are more vulnerable to HIV infection because they are not able to insist on protected sex, even when they know their partner is infected. Men often use physical violence to reinforce their power over women and girls.
The spread of HIV/AIDS thorugh southern Africa has underlined the extent to which women are subservient and powerless in society. They often have little say over their sexual lives. HIV possitive women are less likely to get support from their families and communities than men. In some cases they can be accused of prostitution, even when infected by their husbands. And they stand to lose any inheritance rights and mostly they are driven from their family and home.
Every time a family has good food to eat and clean water to drink, every day that a child arrives at school or a sick person makes it to the clinic, it’s usually a woman who has fought for this small, daily victory over adversity.
-70% of those living in poverty are women
-Women in poor countries grow more than 60% of the food but own - less than 1% of the land
-Every minute a woman dies as a result of pregnancy complications
-Over 65m girls in this world dont make it to school, even if their brothers do.
-Early Marriage? It imprisons the girls concerned
-Violance Against Women? It is still universal
-A political voice? Women are barely heard in public life
-HIV/AIDS? 90% of the caring is done by women; over 18m of them are themselves carrying the virus
:( :( :cry: :cry: :cry: :( :( [/tscii]