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Pre-take off announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight.
This is true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao.
"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to waycome you on board our Bowling 737 fom Shenzhen to Qingtao.
Members of my kew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die.
Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable.
Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m..
Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill."
There was a Japanese man who went to America for a sightseeing holiday. On the last day of his tour, he hailed a taxi to take him to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. The Japanese man yelled excitedly, "Honda, very fast,very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese shouted, "Toyota, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then, a Mazda sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man yelled, "Mazda, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The taxi driver was getting angry and irritated but he kept quiet. This went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi arrived at the airport. The fare was US$200. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah...so expensive!"
Thereupon, the taxi driver shouted,"Meter, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"
Wife (asking in a loving tone): "Honey, Will you build 'Taj Mahal' for me."?
Husband: "I have already purchased the land. The delay is from your side only..."
A man was being interviewed for a post of a commando in Army!
Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer instinct! So do you think you are eligible?
Man: Sir.... Can my wife apply?
ONCE UPON A TIME
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her,
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me.
Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her.
The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."