Well-said Shekhar!
Problem lies at both ends of the spectrum.
And davie, :)
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Well-said Shekhar!
Problem lies at both ends of the spectrum.
And davie, :)
yep real men never beat their wives. but they are not dummies.
i know my uncle who washes dishes daily. my aunt just commands/orders him to wash dishes.
talented real men never give an opportunity to fight, or they know how to divert a fight into a mutually agreable decision.
beating and tongue lashing are just crazy things whichwill spoil the relation. According to you, Don't respond to whatever the wife says. Its similar to the common saying the best way to win the argument is not to argue. yea if u want to be abuddha dats also fine. infact most of us are buddhas when some employer rebukes us. :lol:
@cute ratchasi. pls tell us what u think.
very true davie :)
but you know just as the boss riles you up...that also at times means y'all come home and pass on the negativeness...and dont worry im not saying that us ladies are all good either..i know some open their mouth the moment the husband sets foot thru the door.... :x
guess we all need a lesson in buddhism...but hell call me selfish but if i enter Nirvana there is no way im going to come out and wait till 'everything to last piece of grass enters with you' :wink:
wow i like ur quote corida and ratchasi where are u
....that also at times means y'all come home and pass on the negativeness...
I was succumbing to the above at one point of time.
Even a non-issue would annoy me to the max.
Fortunately, I realised what I was doing and took control of the whole situation.
The moment I reach home, I make it a point to inform whoever at home that I had a bad day in the office.
They would understand that and leave me all alone.
Within no time, negativity was left at the doorstep of my office!
And just for the record, the cause of stress is not because of my boss and no she is not one of the hubbers! :wink:
honey u should stop worrying too much. Life is not for worrying. Just because of worrying or getting frustrated no change is gona result. Just think what can be done about the situation and how to tackle that problem. If u want help always consult or talk to some sweet persons likeu
In India even well educated people harass women. In Vijayawada famous psychiatrist Dr Indla Rama Subba Reddy raped a women belonging to backward community. He also used to harass his wife. His wife divorced him.
education does not constitute intelligence...intelligence does not constitute feeling....
hence i am not a bit surprised that educated people would do so....we can only hope that in education they also learn of what is truly important in life....though to blindly expect it and then be surprised just separates us from the tragedy...
How true Querida..Quote:
Originally Posted by Querida
Concept of education in ancient India was holistic. Education meant imbibing the right vaues, skills and knowledge to handle one's life efficiently. It was not simply learning what is right and what is wrong, but acquiring the capability to judge and decide what is right and what is wrong, what nurtures life and what destroys.
Woefully, today, perhaps allover the world, education means only acquisition of knoweldge (more bookish than useful), which hardly helps one to decide right path of life.
Whatever values and philosophy I have derived to handle my life, whatever little wisdom I have acquired, has been invariably AFTER my formal education. through voluntary reading.
So sadly, today 'educated' doesnot mean any thing of personality attitudes and maturity of a person.... :(
that people atleast realize this and go so far as to make efforts on their own to learn more of this 'informal education' is certainly encouraging :D
querida ur becoming cute day by day. i mean ur avtar 8)
If the ultimate aim of education is not character formation we will only end up making powerful villains.Last month we in Maharashtra heard about a sensational case of domestic violence.Deepak Pandey,aide de camp to the Governor Mohammed Fazal,was booked for cruelty to his wife Nidhi Pandey,[who too is an IAS officer in good position] mainly for dowry harrassment,including holding his service revolver to her head threatening to shoot her.The police simply didn't take any action at first though the lady registered two cases with them.It was only when a group of women IAS officers stormed into the DGP's office that they were forced to do something.In most shools,there is a separate paper for value education or moral science,but it doesn't serve much purpose.
alright i get it i will change it tomorrow! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by davie
now all i want to say is sayonara!
In those days i also thought that well educated people are well civilised. After seeing people like Dr Rama Subba Reddy i changed my opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Querida
Who's that little beauty you are talking about,Mandangi? :?
What are most common types or Violence against women.
Let me put some down.
1) Domestic violence (Physical)
2) Domestic violence (Phycological)
3) Dowry related violence (May come under #1 but this one has a face to itself)
4) Rape (Inside and outside marraige)
5) Eveteasing
6) Abortion or killing girl child because of her gender.
Anything else gals and guys.
I think you got em all.
no...but it's sickening to see how many forms of violence against women there are...Quote:
Originally Posted by Sandeep
Please stop watching male dominated serials especially Malayalam
serials which actually believe in propagating violence against women. One casual look at any Malayalam serial can give some
understanding to the viewer about how biased they are towards
women.
I believe no sex should dominate the other . Everyone is equal
in todays world. Inequality is a thing of the past!!!
thanx for that...but i digress from addressing you because of your username...we all have our worries...i have read of yours as well...just hope for the best and dont be so blind to faith...you must also take iniative...i know i am not mature nor wise enough to give such advice...but i think you should listen to Malligai and change that username ok? :)Quote:
Originally Posted by unhappyboy
Coming back to the hub after a long vacation I am happy to go through the valuable thoughts posted here. A healthy trend towards more awareness to the matter shall surely lead to beneficial results. For a very long time a sad tradition has been allowed to continue in our society.
Let me be precise: there has been a marked gender inequality in the family which naturally extended into the society. Male population enjoyed partiality; their foibles were condoned; an unquestioned priority was given to them. Mothers, grandmothers, aunts, sisters also joined in this conspiracy. The men and boys were treated like a superior species. It is futile to go into the causes for this practice.
But lately with social reformation and enlightenment, with equal opportunities of education and employment for both the sexes women today find themselves in a very favourable environment. But the men find it hard to get out of their habits of superiority deeply embedded in their psyche. In course of time, let us hope, men shall get accustomed to the normal, fair share of respect that women deserve.
The family plays a big role in bringing about this change. We need more mothers like blah blah’s. Educational institutions should think it their duty to inculcate good values in young minds.
Last but not least, MEDIA should stop projecting women as cheap sex symbols.
Apropos this subject, let me reproduce the thoughts expressed in a recent newspaper article titled, “Perils of peer pressure”. A study of youths aged 16-24 years from (1)slums,(2)college-going students found out the masculinity norms they had. Their ideal of a “real man” was one who was dominant, aggressive, sexually powerful, potent and controls women. They expected the “real woman” to be submissive, both sexually and otherwise, and to to drink, become addicted to substance abuse, visit sex workers, get into fights and harass women- proving themselves to be a man is found important. These young men are under a lot of pressure to subscribe to their group’s masculinity norms.
Aren’t these expectations, the violence-provoking trends being aided and abetted by the tinsel world and its smaller but more powerful version- the television?
Hi pavalamani nice thoughts.
But i think many women too want a husband who is superior to them in all aspects. Nowadays the first think they look for in man is he should be employed in better job than hers. they dont give character first preference.
How a man treats woman basically comes from how he was brought up in family. Its does'nt mean if he is highly educated he will be good. All these things come from heart not from brain. When i was a kid my parents always thought me to share everything and love my sister(if i smack my sister my mum will smack me twice hi hi). So it got embedded in my mind . i feel very angry if anybody beats up a woman.
But some familes do show partiality right from kids. One of aunt she always scold her daughter no matter what her son do to his sis.
There are more educated women out there. They could start imbibe these values into their kids.And dont put all the blame on men.
NOTE:- don't expect indian men to behave like white men. You know what they expect(yeah they talk soft & nice) and after they Get(###) what they want they will run away.
What Visu is quite true. Two points are clear: our men are different; family values taught from childhood are important.
I also agree that women are guilty of bringing about whatever unpleasantness we may find in our lives.( It is a known fact here that my sympathy is for the male kind! :) . I feel men are sometimes more wronged than wronging. :( .
Even in today's "Open page" of The Hindu there is a very sensible article on the present day woman's freedom- is it a blessing or bane. The write-up echoes my ideas, it has even almost quoted my words in my former posting here, "Pollution" :!:
Except few human segment (example a tribal society in China), all other societies are filled with thought of men supremacy. Even after education, women are bonded with so many invisible and visible rules set by the men, mostly derived from existing social beliefs called culture and religions. All the beauty contests, make-up advertisements, cat-walks and in many forms, nice brain washing is going on to keep the female as lesser human being. Women freedom wish also today commercialized and totally misguided. Great brain washing is done also by giving unrealistic holy status (many Tamil movies, you can find…). Without coming out those real clutches, there is no freedom. I can write more about the core problems without beating around the bush, but I am worried whether this thread is meant for that or not.
Please go ahead, r_kk! what else do you think is this forum for?
I wish to have healthy discussions about gullible women being duped around the world by avaricious, lecherous agencies. What else could be wished for more than true dignity of womanhood to be established?
You might have heard the story of Ameena, a young child from Hyderabad married to an Old Arab seikh who had been stopped from flying from India by air hostess. It is not a just once incident. Deccan Chronicle revealed that still lot of Hyderabadi Muslim girls are virtually sold off by poor parents to rich old Saudis every year. If you read the following article you will know how serious is this issue.
Extract from The Asian Age (August 2000):
"The Wakf Board has no records regarding the number of marriages. But brokers in the Old City areas here say that on an average, 20 such marriages are performed in the Old City every month... Police officials say that matters come to light only when the girl-victim comes forward to lodge a complaint. The Arabs arrive at Hyderabad on a short trip, drive straight to the homes of the brides pre-fixed by brokers, and are married soon after. The parents are paid amounts ranging between Rs 10,000 to 50,000. They take their brides to their hotel rooms and dump these hapless girls after a week or so, and then catch flight home."
Also note how low can khazis as well as our own people could go to make money, these vultures are feeding on the flesh of our young sisters. Instead of fighting against these, the All India Muslim Personal Board (AIMPLB from Andra Pradesh) has decided to file a petition against before the Supreme Court on extension of the Child Marriage Restraint Act to Muslims, saying that as per the Shariat, a girl could marry after reaching puberty (i.e., medically after the age of 10~14).
Ok, let us come to the core subject. What Islam says about such acts? I don’t want to explain now and hoping that you will find answer to the following questions in internet.
1. How many times the prophet married? What are the situations?
2. What was the age of Alisha when she got married and what age she had become mother?
The above is just a tip of ice berg. For Christian and Hindu also, I have so many questions. The meaning of various viratham (Karva Choath etc, Is there any viratham for longevity of wife performed by husband?), Why God created man first in his own form and female from man (first dependency) etc… so many.
After all, do you know what happened to Amena? She got married to very old man (more than twice her age) few years back. Why our feminists are not acted to save now? What was stopping them? Are these feminist really act for cause or trying to gain fame when the issues are hot?
If you find my postings are not part of healthy discussions, please inform me. I will stop posting further.
Well, r_kk, you have highlighted the atrocious incidents that are, as you say, are the tip of the iceberg. The practices in all the religions only expose the state of "civilisation" we have attained in reality, in spite of all the advances we have made in science & technology. Lifestyles have changed, amenities have multiplied, luxurious living is the blessing(!?) of today's world,it seems. Falsities, blind beliefs, abnoxious rites continue to thrive in the "religious" lives of people. There are activists groups doing their mite to alleviate the sufferings & to check the downtrend. As I had said in the beginning of the thread UN is also advocating the cause of eradicating violence against women. It needs the utmost cooperation of all the strata of society throughout the world to bring in a really decent habit of cohabiting of man & woman, a life of fruitful understanding, meaningful existence. Besides the outstanding outrageous incidents, even the general pattern of familial values are not fully conducive to enhance the dignity of womankind. How shall we change this scenario? How shall be better the mindsets of people to accept gender equality. Ideas towards this end are welcome!
Nice thread. But one of the reasons why women are exploited is due to women themselves. There are more girls these days interested in the glamour fields rather than science and research. This is surprising since for years, girls have always performed better than boys in all streams of education.
Women need to overcome the obstacles imposed by society to pursue their ambitions.
well Visu i dont know about your note...it kind of undermines what you said earlier...again some ppl have found true love with other races...and again there are quite alot of indian men who would run away too...and the same can be said of women as well...maybe white gurls more so...because for them it is in public but shamefully indian gurls do the same...there are many of us who do look at character before all else...yet there are many more who only look at education and wealth...and that is why other races are preferred at times...they seem to be more tolerant of differences in expectations...they are also more tolerant of separation as well..so in many cases will not go through the same hardships as of one's own race to stay together...but do keep in my mind this is my opinion from my narrow scope of life...i cannot speak for everyone hence yours and others insight is truly welcome :DQuote:
NOTE:- don't expect indian men to behave like white men. You know what they expect(yeah they talk soft & nice) and after they Get(###) what they want they will run away.
In Tamil literatures, from Sangam period to recent, you can find male superiority most of the time (excluding few countable writters). It is so blended with our culture; it is very difficult to make a equal world soon, as long as we falsely proud about our culture.
Read the following article regarding male superiority in Tamil literature.
http://www.languageinindia.com/sep20...erandlang.html
Even in spirituality, ladies were considered as inferior. Read the following article taken from "Farewell to God" by Charles Templeton, which may create a storm in mind.
http://www.submission.org/christians...on_women2.html
Please read thoroughly before making any comments.
Exactly. Now the time is ripe for rethinking, for acknowledging gender equality. Are we not an enlightened lot?
Nice thread Pavalamani - good you started it - and gr8 responses too.
Now lets look at this from the biology part of the sexes:
1) Why are men stronger than the women in strength?
Simply because they are weaker in all matters otherwise! Male babies have higher mortality rates than female babies, more delicate digestive constitutions than female babies and develop language skills (+ other growing up milestones like walking, etc) later than female babies. All the muscle and strength in boys comes only after puberty. Why? Simply to protect the most delicate part of the man's body that starts developing after puberty. :wink:
Moreover, men are not designed to bear physical pain. Nature wise, women are considered the 'stronger species' fit for giving birth. Plus women are endowed with enormous patience as compared to men. Women are more fit for multi-tasking jobs as their brains are designed so. Men are more prone to stress than women. The para-sympathetic and sympathetic nervous system can function at the same time in women but in men only one can work at the same time, so a angry man simply cannot be loving, while a woman shouting at her husband in anger can feel love for her child at the same time.
2) Socially why are men expected to pass on the family baton with females being given all the inferior roles?
I think women have given that mantle to men. Women are by nature more cunning and born survivors. They know men are easily prone to aggresiveness, plus they have better ability for physical prowess, so women use men as pawns to get what they want (except few of those independent women). A woman can raise her son to treat other women like herself well (like blahblah's wonderful mom) but most women would rather use the son to remain the greatest object of affection in the son's life even after he is married (natural jealousy, its Freudanian guys, its in the deep-psyche so a woman wud not realise herself and would be shocked if you explained it to her). That is why you hv the very natural biological basis of a Mother-in-law Versus Daughter-in-law inability to accept each other. When a woman has many children or with education, awareness and raising levels of working women, you can expect this MIL vs DIL problems to reduce but not be completely gone. A blessed few men have women in their lives (mother, sister(s), wife, daughter(s)) who don't fight over him.
Like someone wrote abt a DIL who sits on the floor -- well, if the MIL wanted, she could get the entire family to treat the DIL as an equal. But to keep her power, she hasn't. Sometimes I feel, women, esp Indian, will never be able to get over kitchen politics, cannot help making comparisons and will try to keep their immature ego, come what may. When this DIL becomes a MIL herself, lets see how she will be able to restrain her frustration as she too will want to treat her DIL the same way as her MIL treated her. How is she going to raise her sons in their attitude towards women? Men treat women as inferior as their moms told them so. So women hv an equal role as a man's in psychological abuse against women (naturally, you cannot clap with one hand).
Abt movies, infantile men can only make movies reflecting their own true natures. So you hv men who boost their Pseudomasochistic tendencies by slappin women, 'conquering' women thru eve-teasing, etc. Aborting female foetuses hv already created probelms in some places in Himachal Pradesh and some Gujrati communites, where there are very-very few females for men to get married too. They learnt their lesson, when will the other communities follow suit??
Very interesting, happyindian! I admire the accuracy & veracity of all the facts you have revealed. They resemble my ideas almost cent percent! Very long ago in this very section one Ellen had a dicussion of man's masterliness where I remember having given these points, explaining also woman's knack of taking a second place knowing fully well her sway over the brood! The facts about MIL & DIL are also true. very magnanimous, self-confident, self-reliant women with lots of intellectual activities alone cant spare their energy & ingenuity in this peculiar warfare creating a perpetual dilemma for the menfolk of the household. The TV mega serials are making big money on this theme. It is at once amusing and infuriating- the way womanhood is portrayed by them. If such stuff propagated through the MEDIA is not censored, censured, made aware of, there is going to be no end to violence against women, no real enlightened existence of happy human beings on this earth!!!
The topic of female infanticide, very much a part of violence against women, induced me to post my story, "India Smiles" in this miscellaneous section. Please let me have feedback.
Very nice Pavalamani - please give me the link to your story "India smiles".
The prob with these mega-serials is that they lead women in general to think that such sadistic behaviour is normal and acceptable in a society. Not many MILs understand that it is ABNORMAL to feel satiated when anyone is unhappy, esp if it is someone you needle for the sake of keeping power to yourself. Only development of interests and hobbies can help some of these elderly women.
Both men & women(including MILs :) ) need to be appreciated to feel good! Keeping oneself employed creatively is the clue to that good feeling of self-esteem :D
[quote="davie"]If india becomes like USA, then there will be about 80% of single women with kids as in the USA, then they start searching for a friend + husband to take care of their kid, to hang around etc. do u people want such kind of things to happen in india????/quote]
Well said, davie! Unfortunately, the new-gen. Indian women today, who wish to gain the 'independence' they always talk abt, seem to be straying into the same path, what w/ live-in relationships etc....quite common in the Metros.
I do believe that women in our country deserve equal rights and dignity/justice BUT I don't approve of this deviation of theirs from our culture/way of life in the name of 'freedom'!
Quite true, I agree 100%! :)
Woman should not be beaten, torutured, etc. After all, in our Hindu Sashtras, it's said a town where there is no temple, and where woman suffer is bound to founder sooner of later. Woman should have equal rights etc, but letting go of our culture is no way to do it. :)
Yea I do rem. this article.....and I believe u've also heard about numerous cases where Indian girls/women from poor families were offered jobs as maids (or just ne jobs) in Dubai but after being taken there, they were sold into prostitution to other countries- can u dig tat- SOLD! in this age of 'democracy', 'liberty' etc.....ha! And ppl. who were behind this operations were Indians (NRIs)themselves!Quote:
Originally Posted by r_kk
And this has been happening for the last 2 decades until the Indian Govt. is finally said to've put an end to it recently! Sheesh......after hearing such things, I wonder if India deserved to become a democracy at all! I mean this crime used to go on during the Moghul invasion, centuries ago!!
The same thing also used to happen here in Singapore, before maybe obtaining Visas for entering Sing. was made compulsory for Indians in 1986.
Well, I know tat atleast among South Indians, there is a ceremony to honour the wife when she's known to've become pregnant (called SEEMANDHAM).....I havn't heard of northies following this...??Quote:
Originally Posted by r_kk
And yea, I've also a question abt Hinduism- despite being a Hindu myself, I've always questioned the belief of woman accepting her husband as God......how can NE woman in NE religion accept her husband as God, when she sleeps w/ him, has xxx w/ him etc.....when I asked my mum this, she said it was bcos husbands used to be the sole bread-winners of homes, so the wife had to worship him for being the provider for the whole family!
But I still argue how ne woman cud hav such an intimate/promiscuous relationship w/ God??! If this is acceptable, it comes under Blasphemy! LoL.....:-)
Ne of ur views??
I hav the same qsn. myself in this regard, for all those 'Mahila Sabhas' out there (nuff said!)Quote:
Originally Posted by r_kk
Violence against women... not a good thing. Should be condemned by all. Woman is just worthy of respect as a man.
According to Hinduism, a woman is a form of energy (shaktiswarupini) or an aspect of Shakti. She is mata, the Mother Goddess, or devi the auspicious one. As a young child she is kanya, the goddess Durga. As a wife she is patni and saha dharma charini, a partner in her husbands religious duties. As a mother she is worthy of worship (matrudevobhava).