A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

Wedding Query. ...... ....... (SQL Style)


CREATE PROCEDURE MyMarriage
Groom Male (25) ,
Bride Female(20) AS
BEGIN
SELECT Bride FROM indian_ Brides
WHERE FatherInLaw = 'Millionaire' AND Count(Car) > 20 AND HouseStatus ='ThreeStoreyed'
AND BrideEduStatus IN (B.TECH ,BE ,Degree ,MCA ,MBA) AND Brothers= Null AND Sisters =Null


SELECT Gold ,Cash,Car,BankBalance FROM FatherInLaw
UPDATE MyBankAccout SET MyBal = MyBal + FatherInLawBal
UPDATE MyLocker SET MyLockerContents = MyLockerContents + FatherInLawGold
INSERT INTO MyCarShed VALUES ('BMW')
END
GO





Then the wife writes the below query:


DROP HUSBAND;
Commit;

From Arcamax

Turn Off the Lights
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.

The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while the lights would suddenly turn off.
Each time the lights went out, the place would erupt into a loud cheer. However, when the patrons saw the nun walk in, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "Can you point me to the nearest the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "Okay, but I should warn you, there's a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough
to give the nun a loud round of applause. She went to the bartender and said,
"Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender. "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.
Now, how about that drink?"

These are Girls profiles taken from a matrimonial website.

Grammar and spelling errors have no place in a Profile description as everything is straight from the heart!

Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hello To Viewers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If
any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good
education but i working all field in bangalore .. if u like me u
welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls visit my resident
or send u letter..
Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
(Truly yours)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state
she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Wut Homework?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I
love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love.
I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i
love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on
........hold my hand forever !!!

(The SSUE effect)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i am simple girl. I have lot of problem in my life because of my
lucknow i am looking one boy he care me and love me lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but
while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO
LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL
MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY
THEY ARE
1. THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.
2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION
3. THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing {laughing})

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone
groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he
would be called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
Infact she doesn ?t know wat she wants ?.. ? A LAMP ? ?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and I
love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is
suffering from "Ok-syndrome")

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and father &
mother sister completely married
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married
'completely'?)
( Confused ????? )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! J )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

iam kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(Plz ? for gods sake ask somebody ?s help in framing sentence )


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.
i divorced my first husband. his charactor is not good'. i expect the
good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other
caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
(Perhaps Debit Cards accepted ?.. Clean Habit s??????? Is there
anything like that.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am Sharmila my colour is black, but my heart is white. i like social
service.
(Zebra..???)
(Gosh!!!!!!!! she knows her heart color)

A Difficult Judgment

In a small town in India , a person decided to open up his Bar business, which was right opposite to the Temple . The Temple & its congregation started a campaign to block the Bar from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the Bar and it was burnt to the ground.

The temple folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the Bar owner sued the Temple authorities on the grounds that the Temple through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the demise of his bar shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the temple vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons to the bar shop ' s demise. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

I don ' t know how I ' m going to decide this case,

but it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer and

we have an entire temple and its devotees that doesn't.'

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NOV

These are Girls profiles taken from a matrimonial website.

---

NOV annaa... luv pandradhukku ponnu vEnum'naa... therutheruvaa suththanum....
matrimOnal matrimOnallaa suththureenga... :lol2:

God was in the process of creating the universe.

And he was explaining to his subordinates

"Look everything should be in balance.
For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked...

"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised:

"But god you said everything should be in balance."

God replied --

"Look at the neighbours I gave them."

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NOV

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", My most precious creation.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.

---

This is a joke within the main joke, for sure! :lol:
This sentence should be in past tense! :roll: :P :lol2:

[quote="NOV"]God was in the process of creating the universe.

And he was explaining to his subordinates

"Look everything should be in balance.
For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.
I have blessed them with prosperity and money.
But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....

And here is Africa. I have given them beautiful nature.
But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America. I have given them lots of forests.
But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked...

"God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?"

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", My most precious creation.
It has understanding and friendly People.
Sparkling streams and serene mountains.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.
Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised:

"But god you said everything should be in balance."

God replied --

"Look at the neighbours I gave them."[/quote]

nice one :D

the bolded ones are real facts.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Lambretta

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by NOV

God said....... "Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. "INDIA", My most precious creation.
A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.

---

This is a joke within the main joke, for sure! :lol:
This sentence should be in past tense! :roll: :P :lol2:

---

:lol: :oops:

Technically Correct!!!

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction
disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and
communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's
position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled,
and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large
sign, and held it in a building window.
Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer
to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the
ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

**"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer." *