great Surya...very interesting...
better than Ghajini story... :wink:
keep it up!
:)
Printable View
great Surya...very interesting...
better than Ghajini story... :wink:
keep it up!
:)
Q, Niro, and Sinthiya, :D :D :D
I am honored by ur reviews!! :D
I started jumping up and down with joy when I read that!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Q
Kevin Kosner! 8-) I am honored!!! :D :D :DQuote:
if you write it, they will come
Niro and Sinthiya,
The next update will be up by Monday. Tuesday the latest!! 8-)
WOW! U shud publish this story surya!
now that line was just jokes, u made me crack!Quote:
Charlie looked up and saw the Magnum and looked like he was going to sh*t in his pants.
neways, waiting for the next chapter.
hi..wow wow surya...
i didn't read your story.
you obviously wrote a lot...i think they must be interesting stories...
well done....... :thumbsup: :thumbsup:
you have a good imaginary power... 8-)
BTW ghajini is just a hit.... :poke:
Great going Surya. It's been worth the wait.
You manage a very delicate balance between the exciting narration and the biting sarcasm.
:rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by Surya
I was particularly impressed with your descriptions of the struggle of the senses. Awesome.
I laughed aloud in the office. I had to be really creative about explaining what is so funny about the logistic regression I was supposedly working on.Quote:
Charlie and Johnny in the Italian mafia. These guys get creative with their names.
But IMO it slightly (ever slow slighly) throws the reader off-balance for a moment.Perhaps I'm being a little narrow and presuming a genre.
I'm eager to find out how you are going to manage the balance hereafter ensuring they don't eat into each other.
I am reasonably sure you'll pull it off. All the best :-)
Good command o'er the language. Keep it up. The success lies in u carrying this GRIP all thro the story, which I am sure u would do.Quote:
Originally Posted by Surya
Subtle humour sprinkled at random, vibes well and is so naturally done.
Success of Mysteries n thrillers ALWAYS rely on how unexpected YET convincing the climax is.
TAKE us to an unimaginable twist and U WIN. :)
I love reading thrillers, and mysteries but not ACTION.
WHO KNOWS?! I may include ACTION stories too in my list after reading urs! :)
Thank you Prabhu, Rachel, Gaayu, and Shakthi!! :D :D :D :D :D :D
This one isn't long at all, it's just mainly some background info on couple of the charecters, but I'm almost finished with the next set of chaps, and I'll have those up before the start of the week.
PS: Rachel....GAJINI is a BLOCKBUSTER!! :poke:
11.
I stayed there for a few minutes then finally decided to get up when Diesel licked my face. I went up to my knees then to my feet. I had a massive headache, all I felt from my jaw was excruciating pain, my back was stiff, and my kidneys were hurt. I stumbled over to the bathroom and urinated. There was no blood. Kidneys were all right. I flushed, opened the cabinet and threw two aspirins into my mouth, followed by a gulp of water. Then I took two soft gels of ‘Sleep Aid’ and went upstairs to my bedroom, and got under the covers. It was 6:38 pm.
12.
I woke up the next morning at 7:12. My headache was mostly gone, my back was all right, and my kidneys felt fine. But the jaw still hurt badly. I went to the bathroom and looked at it in the mirror. It was bruised just like the one Joe had at Head Royce, except mine was worse. It’s all in the game of Confidential Investigations. Maybe I should write a book.
13.
I brushed my teeth, took a shower, got dressed and went to the kitchen. Breakfast. I heated the frying pan up and threw four chicken patties on the pan and let it cook. Diesel was lying on the floor next to his bowl. Poor guy, he hadn’t eaten anything either. I hope. I took his bowl and put it on the counter, and got a cold bottle of Budweiser Beer out of the fridge, and filled the bowl with three quarters of the bottle. I don’t drink in the morning, but he does. I took two of the patties off of the pan and put it inside the bowl, and let it soak and soften with the beer. Just the way he likes it. I put the bowl down and he started to work on it, as I worked on mine. Every time I opened my jaw to eat, it throbbed. After eating I took another pair of Aspirins and called James Pain. Pain is the other partner for the Agency. He also owns a Tattoo parlor in San Jose. I know James Pain from the Corps. We served together in Iraq. I did it right after College; he did it after he lost his job with the NYPD for one too many ‘Defensive Murders.’ Case went to trial; he wasn’t convicted, but lost his job for punching a witness when interrogating him on another case. A loose cannon. I know it sounds cliché, but that’s what he was. But he had changed in Iraq. He went from an emotional nut, to a man with little if any feelings. That’s what war does to many people. The things you see in war are nothing like what you’ve ever seen before in movies or stupid shooting computer games. Fighting several battles as a killing machine with no regard to another life changes men. Different people have different ways of dealing with it. Pain went into an emotional coma, I went into therapy, but that helped little with the flashbacks. “Pain’s Tattoo.” Pain answered after the third ring.
“Hey, it’s me.” I said.
“Hey.”
I told him about The Mayor, Allison Powell, Joseph Green, and last but not least, Rudy, Charlie, and Johnny, and the involvement of the Mafia. “You okay?” He asked.
“Yeah, I’m alright.”
“You need me?”
“Not now, I’m gonna go talk to Ron first, and see where it goes from there.” “You need me, you know where I’ll be.” He hung up. Some partner.
14.
I hung up and called Ron. Ron answered after the second ring.
“Chico, where are you?”
“Why?”
“this is serious, where are you?”
“Your mom’s house.”
“Cut the bullshit, where are you?” Maybe he was serious.
“Home.”
“Okay, stay there, I’ll be there in a couple hours.” Hours?
“What’s going on Ronny?”
“I’m waiting for a couple pricks from the Feds who wanna speak with you.” I knew where this was going.
“FU5K!” I yelled, and my jaw throbbed, I yelled again, but that didn’t help at all.
“What’s the matter?” I told him everything. “Jesus fukin Christ!”
“And you know why the Feds are into this now?”
“No sh*t!”
“Exactly!” There was a long pause. “…Ron, I have to go, I’ll see you in a bit.”
“Alright.” We hung up. My jaw felt worse. I walked over to the freezer and looked for ice. There wasn’t any. I looked at Diesel. He had finished his food and was sleeping on his back with his legs in the air, and puddle of drool on the floor. There are times when I wish I were a dog.
Surya, the most original humour I have read in these parts is yours.Quote:
Originally Posted by Surya
PS:Paragraph 13 looks very rushed but I suspect there is some design in it :?:
Thanks!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Prabhu Ram
P 13. What do u mean design? I looks like a lot of stuff consolidated in one part, I agree. I didn't know how else to give an intro to James Pain. But some of the references, like the flashbacks, and so on will be mentioned later in the story. :)
:D :D :D
me too!! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Surya
great going, surya! keep it up! :D :D