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A lady calls a dentist to inquire about the cost for tooth extraction.
Dentist: Rs 850 Ma'm.
Lady: Rs 850!!! Too much! Don't you have anything cheaper?
Dentist: That's the normal charge, Ma'm.
Lady: What if you don't use any anaesthetic?
Dentist: That's unusual, ma'm but can be done and will cut the cost by Rs 400.
Lady : Ok. And what if you deploy one of your trainee-dentists to do the extraction, without anaesthetic?
Dentist: Well, I cannot guarantee professionalism and it also would be painful. But the price could drop down to Rs 150.
Lady: Hmm. What if you make it like a training-session, like one of your students does the extraction, while the other students watch and learn?
Dentist: It'll be good for the students but quite traumatic. And I can pay you Rs 200 for it.
Lady: Now you're talking! Ok, it's a deal. Can I confirm an appointment for my mother-in-law for tomorrow then?
First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body.
They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body." As an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth.
Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them: "The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now, learn to pay attention."
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
nov.. this is disgustingQuote:
Originally Posted by NOV
A boy found a lamp in an attic and rubbed it. As expected a genie appeared.
Genie: What do you want?
Boy: A very beautiful girl.
Genie: OK, if you are a Hindu, I'll give you Priya Anand
If you are a Muslim, I'll give you Nazriya
If you are a Christian, I'll give you Samantha
If you are a Punjabi, I'll give you Kajal Agarwal
What's your name?
Boy: My name is Vijay Abdul Fernandes Singh.
It was the first day of a school in the USA & a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade classroom...
The teacher said: Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?
He saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar who had his hand up & said: Patrick Henry, 1775!
"Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish 'from the Earth?''
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar: Abraham Lincoln, 1863!
The teacher snapped at the class: Class! You should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about our history than you do.
She heard a loud whisper: F*** the Indians!
'Who said that?', she demanded.
Chandrasekhar: General Custer, 1862.
At that point, a student in the back said: I'm gonna puke!
The teacher glares around & asks: All right! Now, who said that?
Again, Chandrasekhar says: George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.
Now furious, another student yells from the back of the class: Oh yeah? Suck this!
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand & shouts to the teacher: Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said: You little shit! If you say anything more, I'll kill you!
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice: Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004.
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said: Oh shit, we're screwed!
And Chandrasekhar said quietly: I think it was Lehmann Brothers, November 4th, 2008.
Great lines by K.V. Ramachandran:
"Change cannot be given to you everytime. You must bring the change."
Who is K.V. Ramachandran?
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He is the great bus conductor. Now read his lines once again. :p
Doctor gets a phone call.
My husband just swallowed the aspirins by mistake, what shall I do?
Doctor : Give him a headache now, what else?
Pre-take off announcement on a China Southern Airlines Flight.
This is true account of what was heard on a recent flight from Shenzhen to Qingtao.
"Good afternoon, Ladies and the German. This is your cheap purser Wang Lui speaking. On behalf of China Sudden Airlines, I would like to waycome you on board our Bowling 737 fom Shenzhen to Qingtao.
Members of my kew speak Chinese and other languages that you do not know. It is a great pressure serving you to-die.
Should you need any resistance during the fright, peace do pest the call button. I and my gals are available to make you feel comfortable.
Meanwhile, the airkwaft is going to fry. Peace sit upright and keep you belt tightly fastened until dinner is served at five dirty p.m..
Hope you would enjoy your fright with us. Funk kill."
There was a Japanese man who went to America for a sightseeing holiday. On the last day of his tour, he hailed a taxi to take him to the airport.
During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. The Japanese man yelled excitedly, "Honda, very fast,very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese shouted, "Toyota, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then, a Mazda sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese man yelled, "Mazda, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The taxi driver was getting angry and irritated but he kept quiet. This went on for quite a number of cars.
Finally, the taxi arrived at the airport. The fare was US$200. The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah...so expensive!"
Thereupon, the taxi driver shouted,"Meter, very fast, very fast! Made in Japan!"
Wife (asking in a loving tone): "Honey, Will you build 'Taj Mahal' for me."?
Husband: "I have already purchased the land. The delay is from your side only..."
A man was being interviewed for a post of a commando in Army!
Interviewer: We want a person with suspicious mind, always alert, merciless, ready to attack, acute sense of hearing, detective ability and most importantly having a killer instinct! So do you think you are eligible?
Man: Sir.... Can my wife apply?
ONCE UPON A TIME
A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her,
"Father, may I ask a favour?"
"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me.
Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"
"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."
"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her.
The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."
The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked,
"And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"
"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."
Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."
One Engineer could not find a job so he opened a clinic and puts a board outside.. get treatment for $300... if not treated get back $1,000!
A Doctor sees this and thinks that this was a good opportunity to earn $1,000.
Doctor : I have lost my taste in eating!
Engineer : Nurse , bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.
Patient (Doctor) : This is Petrol!
Engineer : Congrats.. you got your taste back ..give me $300!
Doctor is annoyed and goes back after some days to recover his money.
Doctor : I have lost my memory, and cannot remember anything.
Engineer : Nurse , bring medicine from box no 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.
Doctor : But isn' this for taste?
Engineer : Congrats. you got your memory back.. give my fees $300.
Doctor goes back angrily and comes back after some days.
Doctor : My eyesight has become weak.
Engineer : Well I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000.
Doctor : But this is a $500 note.
Engineer : Congrats .. you got back your eyesight .. give my fees $300!
Doctor shocks...Engineer Rocks..!!!
An Indian lady decided to celebrate Women's Day by going to a bar. As this was her first time, she didn't want to sit at the tables alone and decided to sit at the bar counter.
Not knowing how to order, she started observing the people around her.
The bartender came to take the orders. The man on her left said, "Jack Daniels, single."
The man on the other side said, "Johnny Walker, single."
The bartender looked at the lady and asked, "and you?"
The lady replied: "Meenachi Sokkalingam, married."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
~By Lee Majors
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
~By Al Gore
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
~By Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
~By Mike Tyson
The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"
~By George Clooney
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
~By Bill Clinton
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
~By George W. Bush
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
~By Rudy Giuliani
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
~By Michael Jordan
"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t. The third gave me more children!"
~By Donald Trump
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
~By Shaquille O’Neal
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
~By Kobe Bryant
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
By David Hasselhoff
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
~By Alec Baldwin
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
~By Barack Obama
Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
~By Tommy Lee
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
~By Brad Pitt
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
~ By Jimmy Kimmel
“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
~By David Letterman
“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after....comes Suffe r..ing!
~By Jay Leno
ஏன் இவ்வளவு தாபம் ..:-)Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
A man died and went to heaven..God was surprised to see his heart was still beating..
God asked him, how come?
The man replied ; I'm dead but my wife still lives in my heart..
The man was sent to Hell for over acting..