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Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says,
"My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they
give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of
paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
the other 80% boys have girl friends with brains, so why do they need it? :wink:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
:lol: ...Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
Santa comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor`s pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and Santa panics. He thinks the neighbors are going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor`s house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks Santa, "Did you hear that Fluffy died?".
Santa stumbles around and says, "Um.. no.. um.. what happened?".
The neighbor replies, "We just found him dead in his cage one day, but the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!"
Santa's son and two of his friends were heading home from school one day when one started the time-honored game of paternal one-upmanship.
He said, "My dad's way faster than any of yours, he can bowl a 90-kmph fast ball and run and catch it just after it crosses the wickets at striker's end!"
One of the other boys said, "Oh yeah? Well, my dad can shoot a bullet from his gun and run to the target and hold it up to make sure the bullet hits the bulls eye!"
Santa's son said, "Your dads don't even come close to being faster than mine. My dad works for the government, and even though he works every day until 5:00 he gets home at 4:00!"
IRONY
Drug stores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at thefront.
People order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
We leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
We buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
EVER WONDER ...
Why do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by ShereneAndrew
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began haranguing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd.
When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute,
then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement.
This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: 'Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement.
'And what about the men?' the minister asked.
They wanted to know if the mule was for sale.
[tscii]
You Didn't Get The Memo?
Memo from CEO to Manager:
Today at 11 oą clock there will be a total eclipse of the sun. This is when the sun disappears behind the moon for two minutes. As this is something that cannot be seen every day, time will be allowed for employees to view the eclipse in the parking lot. Staff should meet in the lot at ten to eleven, when I will deliver a short speech introducing the eclipse, and giving some background information. Safety goggles will be made available at a small cost.
Memo from Manager to Department Head:
Today at ten to eleven, all staff should meet in the car park. This will be followed by a total eclipse of the sun, which will appear for two minutes. For a moderate cost, this will be made safe with goggles. The CEO will deliver a short speech beforehand to give us all some information. This is not something that can be seen every day.
Memo from Department Head to Floor Manager:
The CEO will today deliver a short speech to make the sun disappear for two minutes in the form of an eclipse. This is something that cannot be seen every day, so staff will meet in the car park at ten or eleven. This will be safe, if you pay a moderate cost.
Memo from Floor Manager to Supervisor:
Ten or eleven staff are to go to the car park, where the CEO will make the sun disappear for two minutes. This doesnąt happen every day. It will be safe and as usual, it will cost you.
Memo from Supervisor to Staff:
Some staff will go to the car park today to see the CEO disappear. It is a pity this doesnąt happen every day.
:rotfl: :rotfl: (though hv read earlier.. romba palasu.. it was very funny)
:)Quote:
Originally Posted by ShereneAndrew
It reminds me of what happened with me and my friend. She jovially always talks about her beauty (and NO... she is not really all that beautiful to look at, atleast due to age, though she is a gem at heart)
She cares a hoot about how she is aging or how she looks. She cracks jokes upon herself.
One afternoon, she was asusual in her high spirits.
She said "Did u see my beauty"
me: "yeah I am speechless, how is it possible!"
she: "thats because god made me just the next second after he made AISHWARYA RAI"
me: "My god! ONE second makes so much ruins!!"
she: (such a sport she is, such a darling she is, she started laughing heartily :) )