KK 'ka, 'didnt know u too had such wit! :shock: :lol:
Kalakareenga! :thumbsup: :D
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KK 'ka, 'didnt know u too had such wit! :shock: :lol:
Kalakareenga! :thumbsup: :D
A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,
"I'll have a CAD monkey please."
The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took
out a monkey.
He fitted a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll
be £5000."
The customer paid and walked out with his monkey.
Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a
very expensive monkey. Most of them are only few hundred dollars. Why did
that one cost so much?"
The Shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can draw in AutoCAD - very fast,
clear layouts, no mistakes, well worth the money."
The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more
expensive! £10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one's a Design monkey; it can design systems, layout projects,
mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really
useful stuff," said the shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a
cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000.
He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put
together! What on earth does it do?"
The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but
it says it's an Engineer."
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
__________________________________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?
__________________________________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
__________________________________________________ ___
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITN! ESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
:lol: :lol:
:lol2:Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemaster1982
:rotfl:Quote:
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
Quote:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITN! ESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
:rotfl2:
Rajiv and Mona are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.
Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!'
Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.
An hour later Rajiv turns to his wife and asks, 'Mona, did we pay our Rs 5lakh deposit cheque yet to ICICI Bank?'
'No, sweetheart,' she responds.
Rajiv, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, 'Mona, did we pay our ICICI Bank Master Card balance yet?'
'Oh no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the cheque,' she says.
'One last thing, Mona. Did you remember to send cheques for the ICICI auto loan to them this month?' he asks.
'Oh, forgive me, Rajiv,' begged Mona. 'I didn't send that one, either.'
Rajiv grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 40 years. Mona pulls away and asks him, 'So, why did you hug me?'
Rajiv answers, 'They'll find us!'
It is a myth that when a son gets married and a new daughter-in-law arrives in the family, everything changes.
Some daughters-in-law are well trained and well mannered....They don't come to change the family, they are here just to... ( READ ON!)
The new wife was being welcomed at the husband's home in the traditional manner.
As expected she gave a speech:
"My dear family, I thank you for welcoming me into my new home and family. Firstly, my being here does not mean that I would want to change your way of life, your routine .No, I will never do that, never in a million years."
"What do you mean my child?" asked the father-in-law.
"What I mean Dad is (looking at her in-laws):
Those who used to wash the dishes must carry on washing them.
Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.
Those who cooked should not stop at my account, AND
Those who used to clean should continue cleaning!!!
"And what are you here for?" enquired the mother-in-law.
"ME!!!! I'M HERE ONLY TO ENTERTAIN YOUR SON!!!!!"
What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
" Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours, but I never told them anything !! "
What's the difference between people who pray in temple and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.
When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.