:lol: :rotfl: Thalaiva!! :clap:
Printable View
:lol: :rotfl: Thalaiva!! :clap:
NOV : :lol: @ Goalkeeper & Nelson Mandela
thank you guys.. :D
A First grade school teacher had 26 students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the first half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
It's hard to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight may surprise you.
While reading, keep in mind that these are first-graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is a classic!
1. Don't change horses Until they stop running.
2. Strike while the Bug is close.
3. It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4. Never underestimate the power of Termites.
5. You can lead a horse to water but How?
6. Don't bite the hand that Looks dirty.
7. No news is Impossible
8. A miss is as good as a Mr.
9. You can't teach an old dog new Math
10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11. Love all, trust Me.
12. The pen is mightier than the Pigs.
13. An idle mind is The best way to relax
14. Where there's smoke there's Pollution.
15. Happy the bride who Gets all the presents.
16. A penny saved is Not much.
17. Two's company, three's The Musketeers.
18. Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and You have to blow your nose.
20. There are none as blind as Stevie Wonder.
21. Children should be seen and not Spanked or grounded.
22. If at first you don't succeed Get new batteries.
23. You get out of something only what you See in the picture on the box
24. When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25. A bird in the hand Is going to poop on you.
And the WINNER and last one!
26. Better late than Pregnant
Before marriage....
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: No! Don't even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course! Over and over!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: No! Why are you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Every chance I get.
She: Will you hit me?
He: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Darling!
After marriage....
Simply read from bottom to top
@ NOV
13. An idle mind is The best way to relax
:)
[tscii]
Interview questions
From:Kathareen
What kind of car or animal would you be?
What is the reason for them asking you that? I want to work not be a car or animal!!!
Oh and then "Where do you want to be in 5 years from now?" How do you answer that?
Not where would you like to be with our company in 5 years but just "Where do you want to be in 5 years?" What does this have to do with the job requirements or qualifications?
Please let me know why they ask these questions and how are you suppose to respond intelligently.
Thanks,
Very frustrated…
From:tintinmilou
It is SO unfortunate that humor is inappropriate at job interviews. That's why you should ALWAYS interview at jobs you don't want, so that you can respond to such questions with answers such as:
"I'd be a tiger, so that I can run down my human prey and crush their puny skulls with my powerful jaws and feel their hot brains and blood squish out through my teeth and rip out their steaming entrails onto the grass, crushing their bones to get at the red bloody marrow, but mostly so I could kill interviewers who ask stupid questions to take advantage of their position to try to make job-hunters uncomfortable. "
"On the other hand, I'd like to be a bunny, too."
If you do it with enough passion and enthusiasm, it's fun to watch their faces.
You can get really inappropriate, too. I like to tell them I want to be a stallion. "Why?" "Oh, I can't tell you THAT! This is a job interview!"
Where do I want to be five years from now? "I want to be gainfully employed by this company in Human Resources so I can replace you with a competent person". Any recruiter who asks those kinds of questions is probably young and inexperienced - just out of college and still using the psychological profile questions from the text books they still hang onto from school.
But seriously, interviewing at jobs you don't want is the best way to hone your technique. You're not under any pressure, you can easily project confidence, and you have nothing to risk. I've actually gotten better results from interviews for jobs I don't want than from jobs I do.
It's really ego-boosting to be able to respond to an offer or a request for a follow-up interview with the same verbage they use to turn down candidates!
From:mostbravest
A good friend of mine is a hiring manager and from a HR perspective she hates the animal question but had to use it since there were two excellent candidates for a job she was hirning for.
This is how it went.
What animal would you like to be?
First person said " I would like to be a bird so I can fly around and see things from a different perspective.
The second person said they want to be a cat so they could be lazy all day.
Now which one do you think got the job?
http://dailythanthi.com/article.asp?...date=2/28/2008
This incident is like the court scene in the hindi movie "gerAftAr" (where Kamal, Rajini and Amitabh acted)
DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM
NOTE:
Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter.
He will give you the licen.
For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.
1. Last name:
(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
2. First name:
(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
3. Age:
(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no
(Check karet box)
4. Sex: ____ M _____ P(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable
5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right
6. Occupason:
(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed
(Check karet box)
7. Number of children libing in the household: ___
8. Number that are yours: ___
9. Mather name: ____________ _________ __
10. Phather Name: ____________ ________ (If not no,leave blank)
11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed)
12. Dental rekard:
(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color
(Check karet box)
13.Your thumb imparesson :
____________ _________ _______
(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, please do not copy thumb impression also. Please
provide your own thumb impression.)
PELEASE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS
Use thumb on y our lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.
NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DRIVE. WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS
:)
hi i am a great fan of this thread though i have not contributed anything here. had been only a reader. anyway... :froggrin:
=========
EMPLOYEE:- BOSS Now i have got married , please increase my salary
BOSS:- Factory is not responsible for accidents
=========
Husbund to friend: My wife is very demanding...she ask everyday for Rs 1000
Friend: Oh, but have u ever asked what she is doing with that money?
Husbund: oh , she only can answer , if i give her once!!
=========
Patient: Doctor! in my dream monkeys were playing football every night.
Doctor: Take this medicine from today's night.
Patient: Doctor can i take this medicine from tomorrow.
Doctor: why?
Patient:Because today is final match......
=========
Teacher : What happened in 1869 ?
Student : I dont Know ...
Teacher : Stupid . Gandhiji was born ... Now tel me , What happened in 1873 ?
Student : Gandhiji became 4 years old .........!
============
Q: What did the gangster’s son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything.”
=============
:)
:lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by suba
Too good
Modern Maths
Equation 1
Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep
Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy
if, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work
In other words,
Human that don't know enjoy = Donkey that work (Eqn 1)
************************************************** ****
Equation 2
Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Men = Donkeys + earn money (Eqn 2)
If Men - earn money = Donkeys
In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys (Eqn 3)
************************************************** ****
Equation 3
Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep
Therefore, Women = Donkeys + spend (Eqn 4)
If, Women - spend = Donkeys
In other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys (Eqn 5)
************************************************** ****
To Conclude:
From Eqn 3 and Eqn 5
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend
So,
Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)
Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)
From Eqn 2 + Eqn 4, we have
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend
From Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys
And the Donkeys live happily ever after!
:rotfl: :rotfl:
Ultimate :lol: :rotfl: :rotfl:
lolQuote:
Originally Posted by NOV
:DQuote:
Originally Posted by NOV
The Doctors' Sign
Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and put up a sign reading :
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, "Schizoids and Haemorrhoids."
This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Catatonics and High Colonics."
No go.
Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Thumbs down again.
Then came "Minds and Behinds." Still no good.
Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." Unacceptable again!
So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts." Not a chance.
"Nuts and Butts?" No way.
"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.
"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.
Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:
"Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."
Everyone loved it.
The best way to enter a man's heart
http://www.savefile.com/files/1423098
The best way to enter a woman's heart
http://www.savefile.com/files/1423102
:lol: Good ones rocketboy!Quote:
Originally Posted by rocketboy
However, jokes apart, the woman in the 2nd pic. is wearing sumthing (I dont meanthe jewellery) tat'd be the best way to enter THIS man's heart! :wink: :P :lol:
There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.
Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."
And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.
When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.
Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest loyal wife, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
A Teacher lecturing on population -
In India after Every 10 sec a woman gives birth to a kid.
A Sardar stands up - we must find & stop her
Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of "WIFE."
It means...Without Information Fighting Every time!
WIFE says No, it means - With Idiot for Ever
A sardar ji Doctor falls in Love with a Nurse.
He writes a love letter to the Nurse :- I Love U sister
Diary Of a Young Wife
Monday:
Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home.
It's fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe said, "beat 12 eggs separately." Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine though.
Tuesday:
We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "serve without dressing." So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when I served them, I think it was the salad. I guess they enjoyed the salad very much as Tim's friend wanted to come back the next day and the day after that too.
Wednesday:
I decided to serve rice and found a recipe which said, "wash thoroughly before steaming the rice." So I heated some water and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kinda silly in the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.
Thursday:
Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe.
It said, prepare ingredients,
then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came over and asked if I felt all right.I wonder why? He must be stressed at work, I'll try to be supportive.
Friday:
Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "put all ingredients in a bowl and beat it." Beat it I did,to my mum's place. There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came back home again, it looked the same as when I left it.
Saturday:
Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens dress for Sunday. I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and it's little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute. When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really
stressed because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance.
When I asked him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "why me? why me ?"
Hmmm....It must be his job.
:rotfl: :rotfl2: :rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
:thumbsup:
A wife is someone who stands by her husband through all his troubles. He would not have had .. if he had stayed single :rotfl:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
:rotfl2: :rotfl2: :rotfl2:Quote:
Originally Posted by rocketboy
Lalu Pundit was reading a book of eternal truth.
He told his wife Pyari, "Do you know that every time I breathe a man dies?"
Pyari advised, "Why don't you use a mouth wash?"
Lalu was saying to girl friend Pyari, "I love you" and he fell down on the floor.
Confounded Pyari cried, "How come you fell down?"
Fallen Lalu explained , " I fell in love with you."
Boy friend: You really sing very well.
Girl Friend: Oh no I am just a bathroom singer
Boy friend: Well, then why you and I don't practice singing together.
An affluent old man marries a beautiful young woman.
Tabloid interviewer asked the woman, "What attracted you in this Old man that you married him."
The woman explained, "I was attracted with a big number of dollars and a small number of days ahead."
Last one aint funny!
Sure. Would he have married otherwise?? :lol: :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by NOV
This one is for you you Shekar as welcome back present. :D
Why are Men so smart? :banghead:
When my sister was a baby, someone had given her a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of her favorite toys.
Mummy was in the living room engrossed in theTV programme when my sister brought Mummy a little cup of 'tea,' which was just water.
After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Dad came home.
My Mum made him wait in the living room to watch her little princess bring her a cup of tea, because it was, 'just the cutest thing!'
My Dad waited, and sure enough, here my sis came down the hall with a cup of tea for Mummy.
Dad watches her drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that the baby can reach to get water is the toilet?'
"WIFE"
ALSO STANDS FOR
"WORRIES INVITED FOR EVER"
:roll:
எங்கே சொறீய வேண்டும் என்று எனக்குத் தானே தெரியும். அதனால், சுயமாக சொறிவதே சுகம் என்று இருக்கேன் :lol:
btw anaanigal'na enna?
The guys who post comments in blogs as "Anonymous". They are called as "Anony" in short.Quote:
Originally Posted by crazy
oh ...thanks :)Quote:
Originally Posted by littlemaster1982
ROMANIA - RAMANIA
________________
Dear Andy: How have you been. Your mother and me are keeping fine. We miss u. Please sign off the computer and come downstairs to eat something. love, Dad.
_____
(Lady to shopkeeper)
I want my husband to pay more attention to me, got any perfume which smells like computer?