Couple of reasons why you should'nt take Dowry

thanx to Badri and A.R. for those interesting posts....seriously u do learn something new everyday!

Some like Gandharva is your typical love marriages where the man and woman enter into the agreement and get married. It is absolutely legit and sanctioned by the sastras, no matter what parents might say or feel about it. (this here is gold :wink: :lol: )

Anyways when the father gives away his daughter after receiving a cow and a bull from the bridegroom. Is that like to keep them company until the grandchildren come along or something? :P

Were there any laws as if there needs to be dowry given to those who are widowed or involved with another person previously or even raped? How about when siblings from one marriage (sis and bro) marry another sis and bro will dowry still be necessary?

(sorry for tangent - one thing keeps bugging me please tell me that it is just in the movies where guy wants to marry gurl already involved and deeply in love with another guy......why the hell would he want to do that!?! Just for dowry? :shock: )

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Originally Posted by scorpio

Badri thambi,

That was on a light note , as I have 2 daughters you see.. :wink:

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Yup, I know. I thought that was why you favored that rite!! :lol:

The me is just joking too!

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Originally Posted by hehehewalrus

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Originally Posted by a.ratchasi

Ange mattum illai ingeyum taan! :lol:

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Alrite then, bend as frequently as possible - spinal cord surgery is costly these days :P

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Walrus, I trust you are saying this out of experince! :lol:

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Originally Posted by scorpio

ratchasi,
the concept of Prajapati marriage is simple and good. Had it been practised as a routine, killing of girl babies wouldn't have become true at all

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If only, scorpio, if only!

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Originally Posted by scorpio

Anyway, my vote is for Rite of the demons only..

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Hahaha...hitting two mangoes with a single stone eh? :wink:

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Originally Posted by Q

Anyways when the father gives away his daughter after receiving a cow and a bull from the bridegroom. Is that like to keep them company until the grandchildren come along or something?

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Q, only you can come up with something as amusing as that! :thumbsup:

I was watching a debate yesterday and found out that the tying of Thaali is infact part of a relatively recent adaptation of the Tamil wedding ceremony. Tamils did not have a marriage ritual. Instead, anouncements are made to immediate families mentioning that so and so has joined hands. This, however was taken advantage by unscrupulous males who started to desert their wifes by mere mention of "what proof have you got to say that I am your husband". Thus, Thaali was introduced to safeguard the marital rights of women.

Interesting...

That is interesting, AR. but when you say recent, how recent is this recent?

From all accounts, women seemed to regard the "thali" as the most sacred ornament that should not be removed for any reason, a concept that has at least been popularised by a plethora of Tamizh films, at any rate.

But I don't think there is any such concept in North Indian marriages, is there? Maybe there men did not desert their wives as easily as they did in the South, and hence here they required an insurance against such a thing in the form of a thali?

Actually, Badri, I too am curious to know more about this 'revelation'.

Though, I have to disagree with your Thaali sentiments based on Tamil movies. :) It amused me to know that the very Thaali which is now perceived as a symbol of modern day 'slavery' was in fact applied in the good interest of the wedded maiden only.

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Originally Posted by sbadri99

From all accounts, women seemed to regard the "thali" as the most sacred ornament that should not be removed for any reason,

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:roll: :lol: Yes...I was so surprised to see this sentiment among my friends once they got married... I couldn't believe it when one of my friend who didn't have much sentiments & superstitions told me that we shouldn't take off the thali whatever the reason be... & the funniest part is that thali is a prestige symbol...so they usually buy thalis weiging 60-100 gms & they expect us to wear such a heavy things 24/7...365 days a yr... :banghead:

:roll: oh puhleeese with all this thali sentiment...what's the use of a thali if the union it represents is like a living hell? the only good thing a thali will do is pull you down faster when you have a noose around your neck :x

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Originally Posted by Querida

:roll: oh puhleeese with all this thali sentiment...what's the use of a thali if the union it represents is like a living hell? the only good thing a thali will do is pull you down faster when you have a noose around your neck :x

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Every religion I know of requires ppl. to possess some mark/s of marriage or the other, apparently as a proof of the marriage being legitimate and/or as safeguarding of modesty in case of women, more than nething else. Tat the marriage it represents might eventually turn out to be hell or heaven is a diff. issue! :wink:
Just like for eg. Christian/Muslim women wear wedding rings, so in Hinduism the Thaali (& also red bottu/kumkumum, metti etc.....:D )....
But in other religions, even men r required to wear the wedding ring.....most unfortunately in Hinduism, they r not known to wear ne thing tat denotes they r married, unlike women, except maybe 4 certain castes......note: I know its strictly taboo to bring religion/caste into discussion here but I'm not intending to create ne casteist bias/disharmony/offence here by discussing this issue here.
I merely wish to emphasise on this to put forward a point- most of u will know tat among a few certain castes in Hinduism, men r always required to wear a length of collective strands of thread (called poonel)......now for men who r unmarried, the poonel consists of 3 strands (brahmachari poonel).....and after marriage they hav to wear a thicker poonel w/ 4 strands, to indicate tat they r married....
so the good thing in this case is tat even the men r always required to wear a mark of marriage and not the women alone! :wink:
Thus I feel tat this particular custom is fair enuff to women in our religion who r compulsorily made to wear the thaali around their necks!
So, w/out relating to casteism, I feel tat if all communities in Hinduism make it mandatory for men to wear the poonel- or sumthing significant- to indicate their marital status, then it will also create in men a feeling of equality w/ their spouses and thus might discourage them from exhibiting unwanted arrogance/superiority over their wives, which might be created in their minds otherwise! :wink:
Neways, this is just my personal idea....I intend to voluntarily wear my poonel to indicate my marital status and respect the sanctity of my marriage after I'm married, if my wife were to wear the thaali, w/out relating to casteism! :D

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Originally Posted by lordstanher

But [/b] in other religions, even men r required to wear the wedding ring.....most unfortunately in Hinduism, they r not known to wear ne thing tat denotes they r married, unlike women

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Tulus wear wedding rings - both men and women. It's one of the most important parts of the wedding ceremony.

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Originally Posted by lordstanher

after marriage they hav to wear a thicker poonel w/ 4 strands, to indicate tat they r married....

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I thought it was 6 strands for a married man? I wouldn't really know, though.