A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

Urgent vacancy for the post of Girl Friend !!

Quote:

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Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age : 18-26 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special consideration will undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexion no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
· 2 gifts worth not exceeding RM 2000/-(no precious metals, stones)
· bike rides each duration 1 hour
· trips to Beautiful and QUIET Locations
· 5 Trips to London / Paris
· Langkawi / Tioman at a regular gap of 5 days
· Daily Provision of KFC/Mee Mamak/Mac Burger/Roti Canai/Nasi Lemak/StarBuck Coffee worth RM10 /-
· 4 movies (Family movies only) per month (on weekends)
· Visits to Shopping Malls and Jewelry Shops every Weekend (At your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search, never ends!!
Interested candidates can send their resume with

Subject:
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected

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A man and his wife entered a dentist's office.
The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."

"You're a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."

The wife turns to her husband and says: "Open your mouth and show the dentist which tooth it is, dear."

The Geography Of A Woman

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild,
naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to
trade esecially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of
her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France.
Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war - haunted by
past mistakes.
Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are
unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all
conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but
no one wants to go there.

This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror, putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane. Still working on that makeup! As a man, I don’t scare easily, but she scared me so much
I dropped my electric shaver
Which knocked the donut
Out of my hand
In all the confusion of trying to straighten the car
Using my knees against the steering wheel, I knocked
My cell phone away from my ear
This fell into the coffee
Between my legs
And I got burned
Splashed,
And burned me,
Ruined the darn phone
Soaked my trousers,
And disconnected an important call!



Stupid women drivers!!!

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.

One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the Eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle.

Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.

Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident.

Only one of them survived the accident. Who was the only survivor?

If there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

Women are like computers -- even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval.

On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is Struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten his or her own peril. They all stared, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt ... one button at a time. No one moves. ...
He removes his shirt. ... Muscles ripple across his chest. ... She gasps....He whispers..."Iron this, and get me something to eat...."

Some truths about life that children have learned

• No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats
  When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair
  If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person
  Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato
  You can't trust dogs to watch your food
  Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair
  Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time
  You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk
  Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts
  The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap

Some truths about life that adults have learned

• Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree
  Wrinkles don't hurt
  Families are like fudge . . .mostly sweet, with a few nuts
  Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground
  Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside
  Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy

Truths about life about growing old

• Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional
  Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get
  When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there
  You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster
  It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions
  Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician
  Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone