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Subject: Family Problem
Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot. The Indian man said to the American," You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."
The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.
I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years. "After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.
My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother. More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson. Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.
And you say you have family problems.... Give me a break!!"
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Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision.
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.
PVNR is asked to spell "INDIA" and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell " ENGLAND" and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell " CZECHOSLOVAKIA"
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write "KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW". He writes it easily and
passes.
Advani is asked to write "BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN". He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write "BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.... ."
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.
PVNR is asked: "When did India get Independence? ". He replied "1947" and
passed.
Advani is asked "How many people died during the independence struggle?".
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
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Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE
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Subject: Difference between appraisal and resignation
what are you thinking about this appraisal let's read
conversation.............
A newly joined trainee engineer asks his boss "what is the meaning of
appraisal?"
Boss: "Do you know the meaning of resignation? "
Trainee: "Yes I do"
Boss: "So let me make you understand what a appraisal is by comparing it
with resignation"
Comparison study: Appraisal and Resignation
Appraisal
Resignation
In appraisal meeting they will speak only about your weakness, errors
and failures.
In resignation meeting they will speak only about your strengths, past
achievements and success.
In appraisal you may need to cry and beg for even 10% hike.
In resignation you can easily demand (or get even without asking) more
than 50-60% hike.
During appraisal, they will deny promotion saying you didn't meet the
expectation, you don't have leadership qualities, and you had several
drawbacks in our objective/goal.
During resignation, they will say you are the core member of team; you
are the vision of the company how can you go, you have to take the
project in shoulder and lead your juniors to success.
There is 90% chance for not getting any significant incentives after
appraisal.
There is 90% chance of getting immediate hike after you put the
resignation.
Trainee: "Yes boss enough, now I understood my future. For an appraisal
I will have to resign ... !!!"
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Jobs....:roll: :sigh2:
:P
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There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain.
He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections.
But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire.
The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colors and not to fall his eyes on any other colors.
The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green color just as the monk had directed.
When the monk came to visit him after few days, the millionaire' s servants ran with buckets of green paints and poured on him since he was in red dress, lest their master not see any other color and his eye ache would come back.
Hearing this monk laughed said "If only you had purchased a pair of green spectacles, worth just a few dollars, you could have saved these walls and trees and pots and all other articles and also could have saved a large share of his fortune".
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SPECIAL GROCERY LIST !!!
Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her face, walked into a grocery store.
She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries. She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to work, they had seven children and they needed food.
John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and asked her to leave his store at once.
Because of her family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring you the money just as soon as I can."
John told her he could not give her credit.
Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the conversation. The customer told the grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed.
The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery list?"
Louise replied, "Yes sir." "O.K" he said, "put your grocery list on the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that amount in groceries."
Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still bowed.
The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the scales went down and stayed down.
The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."
The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on the other side of the scales. The scale did not
balance so he continued to put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more. The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.
It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said: "Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."
The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in stunned silence.
Louise thanked him and left the store. The other customer handed a fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said; "It was worth every penny of it .. Only God Knows how much a prayer weighs."
THE POWER OF PRAYER: When you receive this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do.
Just stop right now, and say a prayer of thanks for your own good fortune.
I believe if you will send this prayer in faith, you will receive what you need God to do in your and your families' life
Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive. There is no cost but a lot of rewards.
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