Thamarai, my 12 yr-old happiness, oasis, in this meaningless desert of life, morning star and GOD of my small world. God gave her to me, when I visited an orphanage. How could I miss those beautiful eyes, how could I ignore that innocent smile and how could I leave behind this beautiful mind. I brought home the happiness and it grew as she grew, my clarity sharpened with her every smile, my thoughts relaxed as she played and my life took better meaning with every move of hers.
Nobody could define this relationship or name it for me. My mom was really uncomfortable with me carrying a girl kid in my arms when I was just in my college. My girlfriends were jealous of this small girl, who was ruling my senses, my friends used to call her my pet. Who was she, what was she to me? She was not my sister, neither my daughter, nor a great friend and definitely not my love interest. Well, do we need to identify, define and name all the relationships? There are some relationships which cannot be defined, and one was mine with Thamarai.
I sent her to a good school but she did assist my mom in household chores, like any daughter would do for her mom. Even my marriage could not distance me from Thamarai. My wife wasn’t bothered either; none of the typical high society girls bother themselves over such heart-over-brain things. Do they? Well, life of a flower is not long neither does its fragrance last long kept under wilting sun. Came, father-in-law, in my life as that wilting sun..
My father-in-law, a big businessman, known for his business ethics, was considered the messiah of poor people. He had a clean record and was raking in profits. He was pouring his daughter with money like monsoon rains over hapless pastures. He gave away lots of money in donation, and her daughter, my wife, was the most successful deal in his life. He had come with his wife to our house to take a break from his hectic business life. He was a devout religious person, forcing me to do all sorts of monkey tricks in front of god’s sculptures and photos. I quietly apologized to god for doing those funny tricks. My wife was so happy, with their arrival and my mom had got a good companion in my mother-in-law. My father-in-law immersed himself in news channels, 24*7, leaving me with my thamarai…
The dreadful day, came. We planned to visit the nearby amusement park. My obvious plan was to take thamarai with me, but my mother-in-law objected to it. She stressed, it should be a all-family affair. I didn’t want to agree to her, but my wife gave me a longing “please accept this time, at least” look. Hence I nodded my head reluctantly to leave thamarai alone in the house. Never did I knew, I had nodded to one of the biggest disasters in my life. We packed our bags and were ready to leave, when my father-in-law declared that he was not well. So he stayed back. I started the car and thamarai waved goodbye. Never did it strike me that it was the last time, I’m going to see her.
At the amusement park, my wife, mom, brother-in-law and mom-in-law enjoyed themselves a lot. Somehow, my mind was in turmoil. Waves of anxiety were rocking my heart. I started feeling uncomfortable, I didn’t know, why. I tried to wrap up things and go back. But my family was not moving an inch from that place. I calmed myself with couple of cigarettes, without my wife’s and mom’s knowledge. At 5 in the evening, I declared, I cannot stand it any more and need to get back home. My brother-in-law offered to bring the ladies back home, so that I can leave. I caught an auto rickshaw and came back home.
The house was unusually dark, I called out thamarai. There was no response. I called her out again. No response again. I started getting nervous, I started shouting her name. Deafening silence replied back. There was that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, the one that my mom told me that she had, when I was down with a fatal chicken pox. Where was thamarai. She couldn’t have gone anywhere. There’s no need for her to go anywhere. Shopping, was taken care by a local guy, whenever we called him. I was waiting for her to come back. But, where was my thamarai?
I knew, something wrong had happened, which had left thamarai and her belongings, absconding for 3 hours now. My family returned, and I broke the bad news to them. They all started to fit pieces into this jigsaw puzzle of her absence. My mom, at once realized, the trouble that they were in, because of thamarai’s absence. She took me to the nearby room and consoled me that, she will come back. I started crying and couldn’t control myself, falling on her shoulders.
My wife and mom-in-law, consoled me and reiterated my mom’s point. I asked my father-in-law, again and again, what had happened. He always replied in negative, that he didn’t see her since morning. I was getting sure, that he had done something to her. Did he drive her away, feeling that, the small innocent girl was a threat to his daughter’s life? How stupid of him, if he had done that. Just before I could leave his room, I saw something, which gave me a sickening feeling in my stomach. There was this, piece of cloth which was lying near his bed. It was undoubtedly from my thamarai’s skirt. My head started to swerve, my thoughts became unclear, anxiety and fear started to compete in their ascendancy. What did this mean? My father-in-law too noticed my reaction and silently went back to his newspaper. Could I ask him, what had happened? Will he tell the truth?
I walked up to the nearby cigarette shop. I lit a cigarette and was trying to reason out thamarai’s absence. Why could she leave me? Agreed, she never got the right love and affection from my mom and wife, but what happened today, that made her leave me suddenly. Then, I saw this local guy (who helps us with our groceries), walking up to me. He was shaking in fear, could not see my face. I caught hold of him and asked him about thamarai. He was shocked and denied vehemently, that he didn’t know where she was. I pulled him to the nearby dark corner and slapped him continuously with all my frustration. He started crying and finally screamed, “don’t hit me, beat your father-in-law , instead”. I was not sure, what froze inside me. Was it my hand, or the nerves connecting my hands and brain or the blood that flows through them? I was shell shocked to say the least. I asked him “what happened, did you come to my house today? Did you see anything?” he started revealing one of the most gruesome reality stories that I had heard. He pushed me to hell with his revelation. He told me, what a sex pervert was my father-in-law and how helpless was my thamarai, without me. He wanted to go into details, but I stopped him. I would stop breathing, if I listen to his full story. Tears started to touch my chin and my knees were so weak, that I couldn’t stand. He told me that, he saw thamarai leaving my house with her belongings some 30 minutes after the incident. She got so scared from this incident that she left me.
How could fate be so cruel to me? Why did GOD take away my oxygen from me? I didn’t want to sit and cry; instead I wanted to punish this animal that gave birth to my wife. I zipped all my emotions and saved in my heart, so that I will unzip it as revenge on him. I didn’t want to tell this to my mom, wife or my mom-in-law, to be ultimately denied and proved wrong by my father-in-law. I went to the nearby clinic, my friends’. I recreated the horror and asked his help. He gave me couple of white colored tablets. I put them in my pocket and went back home.
I was waiting for my father-in-law to come to dining table. Then I tip toed into his room and replaced his BP tablets with the ones I got from my friend. They were so similar in size and color to the original tablets, that none can differentiate it. I was sure, this was the remedy for removing thamarai from my life. I was convinced that, he doesn’t deserve to live even a day more in this world. I silently joined them back in dining hall. Before, leaving, he convinced me that he will find thamarai for me, with his contacts. I told him “Thank you, sir and good night”. Well, ….
I could not sleep the entire night; I was drowned in the worst problem in my life. I had lost my 12 yr-old happiness, my love, my life’s meaning with thamarai’s exit. However, tiredness made my eyes close for 3 hours, until I was awakened by my mother-in-law’s shrill screaming. I knew, what had happened. I quietly walked up to their room and saw the life-less body of the animal which had raped my happiness. There, it is, I did it. Yes, I killed him and I’m proud of it. In fact, I beamed like a hunter, over the hunted, which had killed the innocent happiness in me.
My friend, doctor, came and diagnosed it as death caused due to uncontrolled increase in blood pressure. Sure, didn’t we make a person with high blood pressure consume tablets for low blood pressure? It multiplexed his blood pressure to an uncontrolled extent and he died of brain hemorrhage. Sure, he would have felt the pain and fear of death that I’m going to face for rest of my life with thamarai’s absence. Me and my friend exchanged meaningful glances and walked off the room. I was relieved and at the same time, I had this sinking feeling of loneliness. My wife was crying inconsolably for her father’s demise, I consoled her to an extent. But I myself, went up to my mom and cried inconsolably. Everyone mistook it as my respect for that animal which had died. No, it was for my love, my life, my happiness, my honey, my poem, my epic, my emotion, my sunlight, my soul – thamarai…….. when will she come back to me……..
P.S This story is written by MADDY.since he's not hubbing he told me to post it :)
