Circles of smoke emanated out of my lips. This is the 15th cigarette I had smoked in the 5 hours since I came to office this morning. I was feeling wretched. My friends were sympathizing with me constantly. I wanted to fight out of this mess. I wanted to overcome the inexplicable sadness that I was in now. I wanted to stop the torture that my heart is going through. These are the usual reactions from me every time I get rejected by a girl. There was something fundamentally wrong in me, otherwise why would 33 girls reject me on my face. I look ok, earn a decent salary, which I’m ready to spend on girls, but the problem is i can’t talk well to save my life. I talk about Rahul Dravid’s cover drive, AR.Rahman’s orchestration, Congress/BJP’s political strategy etc etc to girls, and I find the girl in next country when I finish talking.
But the recent flop show was none of my fault. I was very restrained but she somehow managed to fall in love with someone else. It takes 3-4 days to come out of a rejection. I call it the black hole period. I feel numb characterized by abnormal amount of smoking with very less diet and minimal sleep. But this was taking more time. Maybe I had really loved this girl. It was hurting me badly. I skipped meals for 3-4 days continuously. I was falling sick very quickly. To top it all, I drank 4 large pegs of scotch. I had a bad headache and vomiting all over. I felt sick and was nauseating badly. My condition became so worse that my friends admitted me to hospital. The sickening hospital environment hit me rudely, especially when I saw my dad’s crying face near the bed, next morning. He was dejected and felt very sad for me. I too felt very ashamed of my act. Ellathukkum kaaranam indha paazha pona kaadhal dhaan. :hammer:.
That night, I cried continuously for hurting my parent’s hearts. I looked upwards at sky and shouted – “why are you punishing me like this? Do you understand the pain of loving a girl and getting rejected by her?” and I started sobbing uncontrollably. Later, I drifted off to sleep. I was getting jabbed on my shoulder, someone calling out my name – “Akash, wake up”. I strained my eyes and saw a extraordinarily handsome man in jeans sitting near my bed. I was startled – and jumped out of bed – “who are you”?
The tall, dak, handsome man – “I’m Krishna” .
I asked “who Krishna? And what are you doing at this point of time in my bed room?”
Krishna – “I got directions from Vishnu to act on complaint registered by you”
I was getting worried –“ yov yaaruya nee?”
Krishna – “I’m what you call as Lord Krishna, I have come here to help you out”
I – “ :rotfl: endha naadaga troupe? But I thought dramas are dead in Chennai”
Krishna – “don’t be silly, I’m Krishna – Lord Krishna – carrier of karma for this world”
I – “loosaya nee? Get lost before I hit you” :evil:
Krishna – “no puttar, you are not strong enough to hit me and even if you hit, you are after all my kid”
I – “what???!!!!! You want me to believe you are Lord Krishna for whom we fried murukku and cheedai last month?” I looked at him – he was clad in jeans and a checked shirt.
Krishna – “ yes, I’m the GOD. If you want I can prove it to you by entering the Vishnu photo in pooja room”
I told – “poru maamu. Adhellam old style. Let me test you some other way. If I’m not wrong, you are beyond all the normal human emotions – so let me see”. I bought a bunch of VCDs from my cupboard and loaded them one by one. He didn’t cry for Shivaji’s movies, he didn’t get agitated for MGR movies, he didn’t whistle for Rajini movies, he didn’t clap for kamal’s acting, and called Vijay a good actor. HE MUST BE GOD. I fell at his feet and apologized for testing the GOD. He said “its ok”. He was extremely handsome with very sharp features. He had a sharp nose, sharp/expressive eyes, protruding chin and V shaped face cut. He was dark, though. His dressing sense was great – blue jeans and black/white checked shirt. He was wearing a Addidas shoe as well. Super. 8-)
We sat down near my dining table. He started –“see, Vishnu was offended when you shouted at him to come down to earth and feel the pain of love, so that’s why I came here”.
“ ok son, what’ your problem and how do we go about it? “
I said “I have proposed to 33 girls in my life, so far, and all of them have been failures” Krishna asked “hey what about the school girl case? didn’t she accept your proposal? “. I was startled. How did he know? After all he is GOD :lol2: .
I stuttered “ye yea yea – she accepted my proposal, but left me within 3 months. “
Krishna asked “so what do you want us to do now?”
I got up and went near him “I want you guys, to understand the pain and sufferings that a honest heart goes through after getting rejected by a girl”
Krishna - :roll:
Krishna – “wait son, you haven’t found your match yet”
I – “ok, I will find my match, but who will compensate for all the sufferings that I have undergone all these days? :huh: . so, I want my creators to understand what I’m going through now”
Krishna – “so, what exactly do you want me to do?”
I – “yes. Love a girl, be yourself, be compassionate, caring, loving and get rejected by the them, then you’ll understand my pain”
Krishna – “:lol: , do you think any girl will reject me? “
I – “ok, if you feel you are invincible in convincing girls, I challenge you to try convincing one”
Krishna – :shocked: “ok, I accept your challenge”
I – “that’s my GOD. But remember you should be yourself, caring for the girl and should not use your special powers”
Krishna – “show me the girl, sonny” :lol2:
Next day, Krishna came out looking 10 years younger and a bit fairer, Digital skin grafting perhaps. He was dressed in black cotton trousers and a white half-sleeve shirt. I felt like whistling at his extraordinary grace and good looks. We walked out of my apartment. Krishna asked me to wait near the street corner. He came after 5 minutes in a BMW bike with Ray ban glasses on. Wow. Krishna is truly rocking. Still, I was confident, that girls will just drool over him and not love him. As I sat behind him, I gave him his assignment. Deepti, very good looking, dumb damsel in my office. She is one of those girls who does things perfectly wrong in the right way. And the funniest part is the look that she puts up on her face, after taking a dumb decision – like winning a param veer chakra. :banghead: . Krishna saw her and whistled softly – “cool”. As she came out of the office, I introduced her to Krishna
I – “Deepti, this is Krishna, my distant relative. Krishna, this is Deepti, Technical writer in my office.”
Deepti was obviously floored by Krishna’s looks. Krishna “Hi Deepti, how are you doing”. Deepti - “I’m fine”. Krishna – “do you mind joining us for a coffee?” Deepti with a broad smile –“why not”. We walked towards the lift to go the third floor, where there was a coffee day shop. As I was about to enter the lift, time froze on me. I saw Krishna and Deepti getting in the lift, but I couldn’t move. What the heck? Then after the lift closed I sprang back to life. I knew it was Krishna leela :evil:. Aaaha, figure vandhutta aandavan kooda cheap behave pannuraane. Krishna came back that night to my house. I started shouting –“ I told no special powers, then how did I freeze this evening”. Krishna –“I said, I wouldn’t use special powers on Deepti or her thinking process, that’s it” :lol2: . I – “aaaha, ippa theriyudhu, nee eppadi mahabarath jaichha-nnu” Krishna –:lol2: Krishna went on –“ ok, listen, I got her mail id, mobile number, orkut id. That should be enough no” . I –“ada kadavule, I still don’t have these info about Deepti after working with her for 1 year.” Krishna – “adhukellam talent venum :lol: ” I – “ adhu seri, adhu irundha naa edhukku unna kooppiturukkanum”? :cry:
Krishna meticulously worked on Deepti’s orkut profile. He jotted down her likes/dislikes. He started sending SMSes for the first week and then started talking to her on the phone. He talked 5-10 mins for the first 2-3 days and then it grew on to become 1 hr-2hrs conversations. He based his conversations on the likes/dislikes list that he had created. He didn’t call her out for a date, which is what I do within 2 weeks of friendship. He was totally controlled in his approach and kept on getting details from her rather than talking about him. He was projecting himself as “personality development tutor” when she asked him . :lol:. After a month, they started hanging out in all possible conceivable places in Chennai. I was sure, I’m going to lose the bet. I requested Krishna to hand over the document that he had prepared – “Convince-Deepti.doc”. He was a very good documenter as well. He was so systematic and clear in his approach. One day, Deepti came to my house looking for Krishna. I – “yenna deepti, ippa ellam Krishna kooda dhaan irukka. Enna matter?” she –“ adhellam onnum illa, hes just my friend”. I –“ adhu seri” :lol2: . 2 months into their friendship, Krishna started giving her costly gifts. She was absolutely stunned with his choices for her. She started confiding him on her personal problems. I was getting worried about Deepti loving a imaginary/unreal character called Krishna. :cry: . what will happen to her after Krishna wins the bet and leaves us. Krishna told –“illa machhi, I too love her, I’ll take her upskies with me” I –“ :shocked: . ivan avane dhaan pa.” hmmm, kedaisila, enna maama vela panna vechhuttan aandavan. Atleast andha document vechhi yedho figure-a correct panna vendiyadhu dhaan” I slept off.
Next day, I woke up and started brushing. I saw Krishna sitting on sofa with his hands on his cheeks. He looked devastated. I- “enna aachu GOD”. Krishna – “ I proposed to Deepti and she gave me this” . Krishna handed over a marriage invitation card to me. My hands started trembling. And the worst had happened. Deepti weds Prasad . :shocked: . Krishna had tears in his eyes. I couldn’t believe it. I – “enna nenachhittu irukka ava? :evil: vaa, poi pesalaam” . Me and Krishna went to her apartment, where she stays alone. Krishna was a bit scared at my fierce reaction. He emphasized – “ we should respect her decision, Akash” for which I replied in 4 letter words. Krishna kept quiet. :roll:
It was too much for me, I mean, how can a girl overlook GOD and settle for some other life partner. It was ridiculous and beyond any logical thinking. I banged the door bell thrice continuously. She opened the door with half-eyes, she must have been asleep.
“What are you doing at this time in my house?” she enquired. She looked at Krishna “Hi Krishna, enna aachhu”?
I said “ollae po, mudhalla”. She gave a confused look and took us in.
I asked her straight “I heard you are getting married to some Prasad”.
She with a blush “aamanda, enna ippa adhukku”
I – “yaen kannu, ivalavu naalu, Krishna kooda suthhittu irundha, why not marry him?” Deepti –“ Akash, mind your words, Krishna is just my friend”
I – “Yennadi friendu ? friend kooda dhaan kai kothhukittu beach/park/empty cinema halls-nnu poveengala? Friend kitta dhaan unnoda appan veppatti kadhai ellam solluviya?
Deepti – “shut up Akash, you are crossing your limits” She looked at Krishna –“ have you been telling him about all our conversations”
Krishna – “illa Deepti, appadi illa” :oops:
I – “yov, nee edhukku bayapadura, mistake is hers. Ok, deepti , let me come to point – you roamed around with Krishna so much and now you want to marry someone else. Is this fair? ”
Deepti –“Akash, Krishna is just my friend, but I love Prasad. Please understand the difference”
I – “But, you know Krishna very well, I mean, there cant be a man better than him, how can you overlook him and settle for someone else?? “
Deepti – “I knew Krishna is near-perfect, I like him, I respect him for that, but I don’t love him. Love is a unique feeling which comes from a totally different perspective, which you’ll never understand”
I – “ok, do you know who Krishna is?”
Krishna – “venaam akash”
I – “Illa GOD, let her know” and narrated all incidents to her, except for the bet part, obviously. She wasn’t convinced and gave me a queer look.
I – “Krishna , please take viswa roobam and prove to her that you are god”
Krishna – “yaenda Viswaroobam edukkaradhu avalavu cheap-a poiduchaada unakku. See Deepti, I’m GOD, if you want you can believe me” Deepti burst out laughing.
Krishna got furious – the entire apartment was shaking slightly. Things in her apartment were falling down. It was like a cyclone/tornado hitting us. I knew, I was in for a viswarooba darisanam. Krishna switched to his native outfit and boy what a scene was that. Krishna standing tall in silk dhotis and a school of gold jewels on his body. He also had a chakram in his hands. The feeling was inexplicable, it was like watching 100 Rajinikanths in action, 300 Federers playing tennis, 200 Rahmans performing symphony, and I saw everything from Eiffel tower to Arumbakkam telephone exchange in his eyes. It was a awesome sight and no words to express my feeling. I was crying to have witnessed Krishna’s viswaroobam. I looked at Deepti standing nearby. She was standing casually, chewing bubble gum in her mouth with hands folded across her body. I was shocked, she has just witnessed epic in front of her but she was with no reaction. How dumb and worthless girls are. Their dumb and inexplicably stupid thinking, does not let them understand great things like Viswaroobam. :huh: Enna kodumai Krishna idhu. I Knew there was no point in talking further to Deepti. I called out to Krishna who was back in normal form. “Lets go”. Krishna made sure that Deepti wont remember the darisanam as he had erased it from her memory. Did she deserve to see it? Synonym of stupidity.
Later that day, Krishna said with a wry smile “you won the bet” and took a puff out of my cigarette. I was sad for him. Mael logathhula mappum mandharamuma irundha aala ippadi kevala paduthittomae. I held his hands and said –“sorry Thalaivare”
He said with a smile –“that’s ok, I got to understand the thinking process of contemporary girls and boys.”
I – “cha, you should have used your special powers on her”
Krishna –“ that would have negated the point of this entire exercise. Also, don’t you realize, Love is also a special power. Making someone like you or love you is a power in itself. It does not follow any syntax, rule, logic. Its pure magic, it’s a special power”
I – “nee romba nallavan paa” :cry2:
Krishna –“yea, but I definitely think, we need to review Brahma’s source code for Women. I’m sure it needs a lot of modification.”
I – “:rotfl: , it sure does, how big is that and what language has Brahma used to write it”
Krishna –“ well, I only have read-access to that code and it is 65 million lines of code, written in a language similar to COBOL”
I – “65 million lines-a: shocked: then men’s? “
Krishna – “65 lines”:lol2:
Krishna – “ok, heres the deal, you can get to modify the way women think”
I – “ :shocked: how?? “
Krishna – “I will suggest your name to Vishnu to put you as assistant to Brahma, so you can modify the source code for women, after we get approval from Vishnu” :wink:
I – “what would be the notice period to leave that job , if I don’t like it” :lol2:
Krishna – “: shocked: , that can be negotiated. However, you need to bring necessary documents before joining us”
I – “What’s that? “
Krishna – “your death certificate”:lol2:
I – “:shocked: :lol: “
