A joke per day...keeps the doctor away!

[NOV]

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mail box.

She opened it, slammed it shut, and stormed back in the house.

A little later she came out of her house and again went to the mail box and again opened it, then slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps giving me a message saying, “YOU’VE GOT MAIL!”

[NOV]

A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, “Goodbye, Mickey.”

The daughter waved and said, “Goodbye, Minnie.”

The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Goodbye, Money.”

[NOV]

Radhika is the world’s worst at getting instructions mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the latest gadgets on it.

Salesman Ravi carefully explained how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer, go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready.

A few weeks later Radhika was back in the store and Ravi asked her how she liked the coffee maker.

“Wonderful!” she replied, “However, there’s one thing I don’t understand. Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make coffee?”

[NOV]

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hairs grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only grey hairs on her head.”

[NOV]

During a visit to a mental hospital, a visitor asks the director how he determines whether a patient should be admitted.

“Well,” said the director, “we fill a bathtub with water and then provide a spoon, a cup and a bucket and ask him to empty the bathtub.”

“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor, “A normal person would use the bucket right?”

“No,” said the director. “A normal person would just pull the plug. Now do you want a bed near the window or the door?”

[NOV]

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 65 year-old woman gave birth to a baby. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one asked.

"Not yet," said the 65 year-old mother, "Soon."

Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"Not yet," said the mother.

After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"

"No," replied the mother.

Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when CAN we see the baby?"

"WHEN IT CRIES," she told them.

"WHEN IT CRIES?" they demanded. "Why do we have to wait until it CRIES?"..

BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."

[aanaa]

BECAUSE, I forgot where I put it..."

.............

[NOV]

A little boy went up to his father and asked:"Dad, where did my intelligence come from?"

The father replied: "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother!"

"Wow," said the mother, "how did you come to that conclusion?"

The father replied: "Well, I still have mine."

[NOV]

HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put 100 bricks in no particular order in a room with an open window. Then send the candidates to the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after a few hours to analyze the situation.

1. If they are counting the bricks, place them in the accounts department.

2. If they are recounting them, place them in auditing

3. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in engineering.

4. If they are arranging the bricks in some order, put them in planning.

5. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in operations

6. If they are sleeping, put them in security.

7. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in information technology.

8. f they are sitting idle, put them in human resources.

9. If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in sales.

10. If they have already left for the day, put them in marketing.

11. If they are staring out of the window, put them on strategic planning.

12. And then last but not least, if they are talking to each other and not a single brick brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in top management.

[NOV]

There was this robbery in Guangzhou , the robber shouted to everyone: "All don't move, money belongs to the state, life belongs to you".

Everyone in the bank laid down quietly.

This is called "Mind Changing Concept --> Changing the conventional way of thinking".
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One lady lay on the table provocatively, the robber shouted at her "Please be civilised! This is a robbery and not a rape!"

This is called "Being Professional --> Focus only on what you are trained to do!"
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When the robbers got back, the younger robber (MBA trained) told the older robber (who is only primary school educated), "Big bro, let's count how much we got", the older robber rebutted and said, "You very stupid, so much money, how to count, tonight TV will tell us how much we robbed from the bank!"

This is called "Experience --> nowadays experience is more important than paper qualifications!"
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After the robbers left, the bank manager told the bank supervisor to call the police quickly. The supervisor says "Wait, wait wait, let's put the 5 million RMB we embezzled into the amount the robbers robbed".

This is called "Swim with the tide --> converting an unfavorable situation to your advantage!"
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The supervisor says "It will be good if there is a robbery every month".

This is called "Killing Boredom --> Happiness is most important."
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The next day, TV news reported that 100 million RMB was taken from the bank. The robbers counted and counted and counted, but they could only count 20 million RMB. The robbers were very angry and complained "We risked our lives and only took 20 million RMB, the bank manager took 80 million RMB with a snap of his fingers. It looks like it is better to be educated to be a thief!"

This is called "Knowledge is worth as much as gold !"
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The bank manager was smiling and happy because his loss in the CINOPEC shares are now covered by this robbery.

This is called "Seizing the opportunity --> daring to take risks!"