insulting behaviour

[j.chenkalvarayan]

hi all,
this thread will put an end to the agonising search for a suitable witty riposte when insults are heaped upon you.or you might just decide that you have to retort
stingingly . then how to go about doing that. this thread will help you. these are selected excerpts from comical books:


how to be insulting with actions: insults that prove that deeds can speak as loud , if not louder than words.how to make yourself infuriating without even opening your mouth, or two fingers.

how to be insulting in banks:

if there isn't a queue , form one by asking the cashier as many questions as you can think of until people behind you get fed up and either go out or move to another window.

arrive at the bank without your cheque book. ask to draw out some cash . forget your account number. give a wrong name. have difficulty in finding any proof of your identity. and do all this either when there's lunch time rush of customers , or just the bank is about to close

try to use one of the automatic cash dispensers , but use it incorrectly. kick the machine and try to open it with your car keys , a pen knife or even your umbrella

if you are hauled in to see the manager arrive with your solicitor or a large dog.

take a tape recorder with you to the meeting with your manager. say nothing the entire time ,but simply record all he says to you. the when he's finished play it back at twice the speed and leave.

eat a raw onion ,or garlic if you can stand it, and try to breathe as close to the cashier as you can while you write your cheque.

when making a deposit use as many forms as you dare, by making mistakes or spilling ink.

if you can manage to spill ink , try to do it on floor as well as the desk and tear sheets of blotting paper from the pads provided.

[j.chenkalvarayan]

how to be annoying in theatres and cinemas:
always try to arrive five minutes after the show has started. arrange to sit in the middle of a row and so make as many people stand to let you in as you can.

try wearing large hats in theatres to block the view for anyone sitting behind.

noisy wrappings on sweets can be unrapped at moments of tension when the rest of the theatre is silent.

try to find out when the first act ends and get up from your seat about a minute before that time. this will get you to the bar first and it will also ruin the final moments of the scene for anyone near you.

if the person in front of you is blocking your view try adopting an irritating cough, or kicking your feet under their seat. nasty,wet sneezes down the back of their neck are also effective in persuading them to look elsewhere for a seat.

keep lighting your cigarette or striking a match to look at the programme.

[Querida]

ha you think our hubbers need pointers on how to be annoying at places.. rather how to cure these annoying behaviours would be better...argh i hate to realize how much ppl pay to watch a preformance/movie and then ruin it for everyone because of their ill manners! They should all be stuck in a room with you!

[NM]

This thread is insulting enough! :P
Just tell me when & where you'll be , and i'll do all that you've stated above, to test yr theory!

[Nerd]

J.C,

have u ever tried any of this?? esp in Tamil Nadu?? sheesh u wud hav been a history now.. what the heck..

sure, waste of a thread!! is this what people want to know??

[j.chenkalvarayan]

people,
the intention behind opening this thread is to make people laugh. if you don't share my sense of humor, just ignore it. why do you unnecessarily post humiliating remarks?

neither do i believe people who have replied to my postings are personifications of virtue.

[j.chenkalvarayan]

HOW CAN YOU BE ANNOYING TO NEIGHBOURS

on moving in, erect a fence atleast six feet high with a garish finish on their side.

burn trash whenever the wind is blowing in their direction

hold wild exciting parties in the garden but don't call them

double glaze your house and rope in some loud noisy livestock in the garden. rearing donkeys may help your case.

try to grow a few obnoxious weeds on your side of the fence and train them to grow through or under the fence into the neighbours garden.

try and persuade your friends to park across their pathway or driveway and get them to reverse their engines and make a din when they leave at two in the morning

try to time any noisy work you have to do , like cutting the lawn or using an electric drill, so that it causes maximium inconvenience to those next door. find when they are going on holiday and arrange for a delivery of coal , or heating oil, or anything that requires a lorry big enough to block the drive just as they are trying to get away.

dump your garbage in fron of their gate.

if your neighbours are vegans try throwing pieces of meat onto their garden.

buy a pet which will intimidate their own

[nirosha sen]

And.....if you really want to persist in irritating fellow hubbers, just carry on with your monologues!!!!!

You are already there in their Christmas/Deepavali invitation list, Pa!!

[a.ratchasi]

, Niro.

[Nerd]

J.C.

Sense of humour?? nice try...

this is worse than spamming.. if no one likes it, whats the point?? if u want to laugh at these u r most welcome.. write these things down in a piece of paper or take a print out of all these from your valuable source and laugh out loud in ur drawing room not on this public forum