An issue

[scorpio]

Hi,
I don't mind to be a surrogate father!!

Shekhar!

While I appreciate your intentions to bring back some humour in threads where discussions are heavy and sentimental, don't you think your above statement is a bit out of place?

[Shekhar]

Hi,
I don't mind to be a surrogate father!!

Shekhar!

While I appreciate your intentions to bring back some humour in threads where discussions are heavy and sentimental, don't you think your above statement is a bit out of place?

You forgot. I was one of the nominees for the Hub Snapper award. I told you, I can't resist the temptation.
Pass on lady, just ignore me..

[pavalamani pragasam]

(contd from my previous posting)
The baby is also a loser in this bargain. Colustrum in the mother’s first milk is full of antibodies vital for the baby’s resistance against infections & diseases.

Now, coming to other posts, Cygnus raised the question about wet nurses. In many old English novels I had read with aversion about fashionable wealthy upper class ladies appointing wet nurse in order to be able to freely merry-making in parties. When the mother is dead or is unable to feed her baby a wet nurse is a boon. But not acceptable to me in the first-mentioned case. In fact I used to be very surprised as a child to hear that in a large joint family of many daughters & and daughters-in-law in the lactating stage with a number of "thottils" hanging from the ceiling if one particular infant squeals in hunger & that particular baby's mother is unable to attend to it immediately any other lactating mother gave it a suck! This is the animal altruism jaiganes speaks about.
Luden cited by Cygnus is no doubt a maniac. Nothing else. The mother-grandmother feat which I also read in the news is also weird, leaves a bad taste in the mouth. Sister lending the womb is understandably a kind gesture. But strange poverty-stricken surrogate volunteers is a pitiable class making the practice a commercial transaction sans sentiment,ethics-a selfish, one-sided bargain. The practice stripped of any altruistic element will almost come to the same level as the oldest trade! Sorry if I sound harsh, I pray in advance to pardon my peculiarly emotional sentiments.

[Badri]

Mrs PP

Your harshness is understandable, given how strongly you feel about the issue. Yes, although I did not come right out to say it, I do share your thoughts on it becoming quite akin to prostitution, if it is sans the altruistic feeling. Is everything for sale then, is the question one finds asking oneself. If a surrogate mother is ok, why even go for artificial insemination? Why not have the father do it the natural way? Make infidelity overboard and legal and ethical.

If tomorrow, science discovers a method to sustain life say by sacrificing another, would we probably have the more poorer elements of our society willingly give up the lives of one of their innumerable and unwanted children?

Sometimes, we cloak our selfishness with a veil of altruism and hope everyone will be deceived, including ourselves. That, unfortunately was how the World Wars started, how nuclear proliferation started, how civil wars and mass massacres begun.

Somehow justifying these things on moral and altruistic grounds is not going to make them any cleaner.

Disclaimer: These are my opinions only..obviously!! If you feel differently, please feel free, only do not drag me into a controvery over these thoughts.

[Roshan]

Good posts by Cygnus, PP, Jaiganesh and others. Thanks to PP for bringing up this issue and starting a thread here. Though initially I was not that serious on this issue, I was terribly disturbed after participating in the discussions here yesterday. As a woman I do not feel comfortable with the idea of surrogacy what so ever. Personally given the circumstances, I would definitely go for adaption and never think of surrogacy.

Earlier the reproductive technology involved donor insemination (DI) and in vitro fertilization(IVF) , which gave the infertile couples new hope and the chance to have children. Surrogacy is the most recent addition which combines DI and IVF with surrogate mother arrangements. With the addition of a surrogate to reproductive environment the nature of motherhood, fatherhood, and the allocation of parental right and duties have all come into question.

Agreeing to be a surrogate could be due to money or altruism ( I can hardly agree with the latter , in the case of surrogate being a complete outsider to the contracting parents). In majority of the cases it is done for money and if that is the case it’s nothing but commercializing one’s motherhood. As I said before, any woman who puts her moral values before her other needs, and who has self respect and respect for motherhood would not agree to surrogate. Motherhood for remuneration would reduce surrogates to the level of reproductive laborers. Services are bought and body parts rented as if the woman in which these parts reside did not exist. The women are treated as means of producing babies and not as individuals. Commercial surrogacy -in other words - the ‘womb renting’ has definitely changed the traditional understanding of motherhood and does injustice to the surrogate, the contacting mother and the women in general.

If the motive was altruism or helping an infertile couple out of compassion what is the gurantee that the surrogate will not develop a bond- because of her compassionate nature - with the child she bears? As PP said it would definitely be something hard for a such a woman to give away a child that was genetically linked to herself irrespective of brainwashing, counseling et al . Giving away a child which is half hers is definitely a trauma. And what about the trauma the family members of the surrogate have to go through? What would be the consequences of the impact the surrogate creates on her own children?

With your own child it is totally different. It is a joyous occasion where you share everything with your husband and your family. With surrogate pregnancy you almost cut out the family. You don’t encourage the husband to be a father; grandmother to be a grandma, children to be brothers or sisters and you don’t start nest building and buying things for the baby. There is no comparison between the pregnancies, except that you are pregnant, only the physical symptoms. Why would women have to go down to a such a pathetic state just to help an outsider - who always has better options of owning a child.

Furthermore the baby is separated from the birth mother in a commercial transaction, which treats the baby as little more than a commodity. What then, is the difference between this form of baby selling and illegal forms of baby selling through adoption on the black market?

Whether or not surrogacy is commercialized, when set within the context of women’s inequality, it inevitably supports and reinforces the view that bearing and raising children is what being a woman is all about.

[Roshan]

I have this questions..

What would happen if the child is born with a disability? Will the infertile parents accept the child whole heartedly? Will the surrogate be blamed for the child's disability? Even if the social parents accept the child, will they - especially the social mother take care of the child with all her love and affection. I very much doubt it.

Next is.. we are discussing about surrogacy in the context the wife being unable to bear a child. What would happen if the husband is incapable and the wife wants to bear a child? Will the husband agree to infuse sperms of an outsider into his wife's womb? What would be the reaction of our society and the 'naalu pEr' in it?

[blahblah]

What would happen if the husband is incapable and the wife wants to bear a child? Will the husband agree to infuse sperms of an outsider into his wife's womb? What would be the reaction of our society and the 'naalu pEr' in it?

If I am in that place,I will never let it happen.I will never ever allow to sperm of another man to be infused into my wife's womb.I can say so confidently since I oppose surrogate motherhood too.

If such a situation arises,I would certainly prefer adoption.And I believe this will be the stand of most men here.

[Roshan]

If such a situation arises,I would certainly prefer adoption.And I believe this will be the stand of most men here.

That was the response I expected and I wanted. That gives the answer to the whole thing blahblah !!

[Cinefan]

[
If such a situation arises,I would certainly prefer adoption.And I believe this will be the stand of most men here.

That indeed is my stand as I said so in my earlier post.

[Querida]

This is a very touchy issue but i am heartened very much by the sensible and heartfelt replies made by all...

for me this issue is too far off i can no more think of surrgote mothers as i can think of even being a mother though i can say a few things:

-the movie was meendum seethai with Vikram and Soundarya...popular for taking on a issue but very much glossed over the emotionality of the subject

- i think however painful it is i would tell my adopted child that they were not my own to begin with...though they were meant to be...they have a right to know...but then again adoption is sensitive in that an infant is alright but what about all those over the 'cutesy' age 7 and up what are those children to do..but go from orphanage to orphanage...and it is very difficult to raise them...i know a foster mom...she is very dedicated but as the child gets older they are most likely to be abused in a number of ways and are psychologically damaged...what of children who remember their parents and have been separated from siblings?

-i think adoption as mentioned by the many hubbers the better solution rather than surrgote mothers

-what about couples who don't want children they are just as scorned as those who can't have kids

-what about children who are handicapped?

-there was a news item couple months back about the oldest woman to give birth an italian prof...i do not know of anything more selfish...raising a child starts from birth until your death...if pushed can say 16-18 years then? Does this woman even have that many years to properly take care of her child...i hate to say it if she is nearing the age that she cannot effectively take care of herself what about the child?